The blow that finalized the split with my mother was when my father died. Things get said that probably shouldn't, and when I asked for my father's gold class ring, Mother said, "No, you'll just sell it." I let it go at the time, but I was appalled to discover what kind of opinion my mother held of me.

It turns out she had a tendency to blurt out similar things to all my sisters, expressing extreme lack of faith in our sense, decision making, or such. It was very reassuring to find out I wasn't the only one to catch such comments and to have my sisters wince in sympathy at the unpleasantness of what she told me. It turns out when she searched my dresser drawers when I was home from college once and found my birth control pills, she called my middle sister to find out what they were. I told my sister, "You couldn't have told her they were vitamins?" The rest of the BC story is predictably upsetting.

Anyway, we were going through her jewelry box, seeing what there was, and I saw Daddy's class ring in the bottom. I picked it up and ID'd it. My oldest sister said, "Well, that goes to you, definitely." My middle sister nodded firmly. I'm wearing it now. I'm trying to be noble and not think "Revenge is sweet" but not really succeeding.

But, yeah, good trip. We all agreed that we wish Mother could have appreciated that she succeeded in raising strong-willed women who know our own minds, just like her. All she saw, though, was that we weren't accepting the prejudices and believes she held, and she didn't know how to cope.

Connie, that's both sad and beautiful.

So glad that you all seem to have figure out how to be strong and true to yourselves.

I agree with megan. Also, I'm so glad you have your dad's ring.

Connie, I think you all clearly managed to get the good side of your mother while leaving aside the bad as much as it's humanly possible to do so. That's a hard thing to do, and a very good one.

The blow that finalized the split with my mother was when my father died.

I just had a old client call to help mediate a situation exactly like this. Major life transitions? Really drag things to the surface.

Yay you connie for winning in the end.

I'm trying to be noble and not think "Revenge is sweet" but not really succeeding.

Totally natural and neither good nor bad. Again I say, Yay You on the self-awareness front.

::golf claps for connie and sibs::

PS: Thanks for the delicious lit assist early y'all. Exactly what I needed.

::points up::

What they all said, connie. I'm so glad the trip left you feeling good about you and your family.

Major life transitions? Really drag things to the surface.

Turns out we all smuggled out things of Daddy's after having been told we couldn't have anything. Sharon's got his old leather flight jacket from WWII--it would need serious restoration to be wearable, but damn, the real deal--and his medals. They wondered where his Air Corps pins had gotten to and I had to say, "Uh, I grabbed those."

Edit: I should have grabbed that box with his collection of swizzle sticks for WWII-era New York. That would be very cool.

Heh. In the email workshop I posted about earlier, one of the things I ask about any given message one might send is:

Is it true, Is it kind, Is it necessary.

This post, about a relative of mine and funereal aftermath was true...but definitely not kind or necessary. Thus, the delete.