Allyson, you're right, there is no switch. Just an uphill battle to retrain your brain. But over here on the sidelines, I will offer what I can, which is mostly pompoms and psychic Gatorade or something.
You are worth the struggle.
Book: Yes, I'd forgotten you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned? Simon: No. But I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist.
'War Stories'
Spike's Bitches 41: Thrown together to stand against the forces of darkness
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
P.M. Marc - Jun 07, 2008 8:19:17 am PDT #2393 of 10001
So come, my friends, be not afraid/We are so lightly here/It is in love that we are made; In love we disappear
P.M. Marc - Jun 07, 2008 8:22:53 am PDT #2394 of 10001
So come, my friends, be not afraid/We are so lightly here/It is in love that we are made; In love we disappear
PS, can someone tell my phone that retrain is not the same thing as retain? So I don't have to edit autocorrect?
I love it, but sometimes, it makes inappropriate switches.
Laura - Jun 07, 2008 8:38:12 am PDT #2395 of 10001
Our wings are not tired.
Well, I would like to see Allyson and Tom retain their brains too, because spicy brains.
Atropa - Jun 07, 2008 8:48:34 am PDT #2396 of 10001
The artist formerly associated with cupcakes.
Allyson, you're absolutely right. There is no switch, and learning to ignore those voices is incredibly hard. But I'm one of the people cheering you on, and will do anything I can for you.
Allyson - Jun 07, 2008 8:51:11 am PDT #2397 of 10001
Wait, is this real-world child support, where the money goes to buy food for the kids, or MRA fantasyland child support where the women just buy Ferraris and cocaine? -Jessica
Hey Jilli, the post office tells me you should get your surprise today, let me know!
Atropa - Jun 07, 2008 8:55:16 am PDT #2398 of 10001
The artist formerly associated with cupcakes.
Hey Jilli, the post office tells me you should get your surprise today, let me know!
::flaily hands::
Flaily hands which are no substitute for being able to SEE YOU and hang out, mind you, but flaily hands nonetheless.
meara - Jun 07, 2008 8:55:24 am PDT #2399 of 10001
Dang. People suck.
I only sometimes deal with BIDs like that. Often I'm quite convinced I'm fabulous. Stupidly single. But fabulous. Or at least, y'know, OK. Better than some. Or something like that.
Atropa - Jun 07, 2008 8:58:20 am PDT #2400 of 10001
The artist formerly associated with cupcakes.
Body Image Demons DO suck. I hate mine. And they've been mostly quiet lately thanks to the twin wonders of Weight Watchers working for me AND modern pharmacology. (Celexa is, for me, a wonder drug, and I really wish I had been smart enough to talk to my doctor about some of my issues earlier.)
jubsews - Jun 07, 2008 8:58:42 am PDT #2401 of 10001
"How come if God talks to Joseph Smith, he's a prophet- but if God talks to me, I'm schizophrenic?" -CJ Cox.
Allyson, I don't know you and have never had an interactive dialogue with you, though I've been reading what you've had to say for quite some time now.
Even without knowing you in any personal sense, I feel as though I like you a whole lot. You're incredibly charismatic and personable in text, and I assume, in life as well. The more I like a person, the more attractive I find them over time and I find the inverse to be true as well. My point is that I'm sure most people share my opinion of you and in finding your personality to be so attractive, see you as such.
Additionally, I'm sure you're gorgeous. But this is irrelevant to me. I've also spent so much of my energy on wasteful self loathing and critisism over time and comparing myself to others. What I realized is that in equating my physical self worth with my overall self worth and examining the qualities of others, the perception that ALWAYS wins out is the sense of character I feel regarding a person.
The revelation this has resulted in is that beauty really does come from within and shines throughout. This doesn't mean that I'm always able to practice what I preach and apply it to myself... But I try to. I hope you can too, as I know, without really knowing you that your beauty undoubtedly radiates from you in all ways.
SailAweigh - Jun 07, 2008 9:05:06 am PDT #2402 of 10001
Nana korobi, ya oki. (Fall down seven times, stand up eight.) ~Yuzuru Hanyu/Japanese proverb
{{{{Allyson}}}} I'm so glad you've come here to talk to us and share your feelings. It's holding them in that does the most damage. I'm also sorry our reassurance can't help you, but you are doing the best thing possible for yourself with therapy and by being honest with us. It's one more reason for us to feel honored to know you, that we make you feel that safe. You have all my heartfelt wishes that this struggle inside youself diminishes and you find yourself believing in your success and self-worth the way we do.