Yeah, but part of the problem with gay is that unlike orphan (unless you're, like, the Menendez kids) people can hold it against you. And if you're my grocery store clerk? I don't care. And if you're a possible friend? I want to know, so I can avoid becoming friends. But if you're someone I have to work with? Well, it gets tricky. So it's not about being there the first day and dropping "Blah blah blah MY GIRLFRIEND OH YEAH I'm A BIG GAY HOMO" into conversation. That's easy. If that was what it was about, I wouldn't have a problem. But at that same time, you don't want to just avoid talking about it, because really that's not cool either....and yet...

GAY NOW

Single and Not Dating, Work Two Jobs, Go BEARS!, Yes I Know I'm Fat--Why Don't You Point Out Something a Little More Obvious?, I Do Have a Lot of Books and I Have Read or Intend To Read All of Them

Also, can I mention how much more annoying it is to come out when you DON"T have a partner/girlfriend? Because then it's harder to slip a whole "blah blah my girlfriend" into conversation.

You have to be all awkward "blah blah my exgirlfriend" which...why are you talking about an ex? Or you have to be like super passionate about a gay subject, and hope people pick up on it? "Gee, the new girl really likes the Indigo Girls, and rainbows, and was happy about the recent California ruling on gay marriage. Think she's one of...them?" Or like, "Yeah this weekend I went to the GAY BAR" which...not always cool, at work, to talk about going to a BAR...

LAME.

I think your worry in Seattle is more that there are so many birki-wearing Subaru-driving Indigo Girls fans that nobody would notice...

But at that same time, you don't want to just avoid talking about it, because really that's not cool either....and yet...

I don't know, I don't really share many personal details with people at work. And I have a tendency to say my -ex, which is vague. In fact, a colleague at my last school thought I was a lesbian because I never used the term boyfriend and he knew that marriage equality was an important political issue for me--so he had just assumed I was a lesbian.

Okay, I kind of love the Gorey sash idea.

Divorced; Bisexual; Gay Dad/Divorced Parents; I'm Infertile, Stop Asking Me When I'm Going to Have Kids; Yes, I Live in Sin; Short & Blonde Does Not Equal Young and Stupid; I Can Teach Circles Around You, You Pompous Git.

People used to assume I was gay all the time. Not sure about now - I just don't meet that many new people these days....

People used to assume I was gay all the time. Not sure about now - I just don't meet that many new people these days...

I didn't really care, but it's not something I get often. It was particularly funny at the time because I was actually sleeping with someone in our circle of friends, but, since he was a dean and I was a faculty member, we weren't really telling people.

ETA: Personally, I didn’t think it was hard to hide our relationship, although I certainly wouldn’t want to have do that all the time. It was odd who could figure it out and who couldn’t based on the subtlest of clues.

Married, Have Preschooler, Military History Buff (Napoleonic Wars Subspecies), Liberal/Progressive AND Christian, Mariners Fan (disappointed but committed), Alabama Born and Bred (so don't diss my people as hillbillies or make "should've just let them secede" remarks in my hearing), Writer, Reader (stop trying to talk to me when my nose is in a book!), Dead Father/Mother Has Cancer (and if I want to talk about either, I'll tell you)