I wish I was a little more of a rules editor than an instinctive editor. I get it right most of the time, but sometimes I can't articulate why.

This is exactly the way I feel.

Um, hyperbole much? From a strict, writer who's well-versed in submitting viewpoint, I'd never use something so... flowery as the sole basis of submission.

Personal biases aside, what bothers me is that the portion of the sentence you questioned doesn't seem to match to the opening, prior to the first comma, in terms of structure. I suck at parsing sentences, but there's something there that's just not right.

in context I like it better without the 'that'. I think the hallucinations do seem to have a will of their own.

Also, thanks Barb. I meant to add that I was sorry about your brain abusing you, but somehow hit post instead.

Heh-- thanks Deena. I'm better now because I was able to get some feedback to settle the Girls in the Basement down and because I recognized that the brain was on overdrive because of Jasmine (the Lab) waking me up at 5:15.

That too, Barb. Thank you.

Java, thanks. If you do it too, it can't be all bad, right?

Laga, sorry about that. I should have given the entire context at the beginning. I think I was trying not to ripple the thread.

I think she had a story (good or not is hard to tell) and then went in and pasted things on to make it literary, or chick-lit, or maybe it was the other way around... I think I'll pass on it.

Thanks guys.

Am out of synch!

Sorry about the happy puppy wake-up call. That would have me cranky too, especially because I was up too late reading Wicked Game by Jeri Smith-Ready.

I think persisting is what she means, i.e., continuing. It's just badly written. The continuing present is hardly ever a good tense to write in. The initial participial phrase should be acting as an adjective modifying Zinny, but it's sort of an adverby thing instead. It should be something like "The hallucinations persisted when she got off the bus at Union Terminal, stiff and stick-legged, her bottom numb."

Also, the use of an ellipsis in that context is a Bad Sign.

Thanks, Ginger! I went brief. "Thank you again for your submission, unfortunately..."

I have a love/hate relationship with Google blog alerts. Every time I read submissions, it pops up with three more mentions of how I turned someone down and how that feels. Of course, it also tells me when someone finds something good we've put out, which makes me very happy.

The list of awards + tiny extra-flowery quote sounds like she's a bit of a special unique snowflake. Asking for more will only make her think you like it, but asking her to follow the guidelines may just make her realize that this whole business has something to do with communicating with other people. (Or at least, playing well with others.)

Yeah, speculative fiction is full of snowflakes.

I find the present tense awkward to read but I slip into it more often than not when I practice freewriting. I wonder why that is.