I'm not sure what to say or how to say it, but I swear it's never been my intention to act like I thought I was better than anyone else here. If anything, I'm awed by the amount of brilliance in this group. I loved Vampire People. I couldn't write anything like it in a million years, which makes me all the more impressed with Allyson's accomplishment. And that dance piece of Barb's the other day...I only wish I could describe action that well. I'm sure I could come up with many more examples if I searched back through the thread--those are just the two that come most immediately to mind.

I do tend to be a talky meat sort of person, and maybe I need to work on that if it's making me come across as more me-me-me and/or arrogant than I intend. I know I've vented about struggles and stresses of the writing process here, mostly because I felt like it was a safe place, unlike most of the other writing-related forums I'm on where I feel like I need to maintain my game face at all times. And maybe that was a mistake, but I swear I never meant to step on anyone's toes or do anything but vent over my own stresses and insecurities. When it comes to non-venting writing talk...well, I do tend to think that my WIP and the history that's driving my alternative history are about the coolest things in the world, and I'm often bubbling over with the urge to talk about them in a Wellington-likes-carrots sort of way. But I also know that's just my own personal obsession talking. I don't expect anyone to share it, though I'd love it if I can communicate some of my excitement.

and maybe I need to work on that if it's making me come across as more me-me-me and/or arrogant than I intend.

Susan, I think this is key, because there are occasions when it does seem that way (which something I'm sure everyone here's done in their own posting). This is a safe place and should be a safe place, and as such, I know it's easy to relax one's guard. But, personally - and I want to emphasize I'm using an example purely from my own behavior, not from anyone else's - there are times when I've realized I've gone beyond "relaxed cocktail party chatter" to "Animal throwing his drumset around the studio and yelling 'Animal! Animal!'" I've had to work to tone that down, and sometimes I fail.

This is a behavior you've noticed in yourself before, IIRC (the tone, not the turning-into-Animal). So maybe something to think about.

I went back and read a lot of Susan W's posts trying to understand erikaj's point of view but I'm not able to find anything that makes me think Susan thinks she's better than us.

Get published, read someone talk about how upsetting it is that she's been working very hard for a very long time and all these other folks (who aren't b.org, but still, it's just "other") keep getting book deals...

It's easy to find oneself in the post, even though it isn't her intent.

Because you can't see it, Laga, doesn't mean the issues someone like me may have (which, again, isn't Susan's fault to the tenth power infinity) don't suddenly start going off like a gong. I don't say anything about it because it's my own problem. I do completely see how erika got there.

I think it was an interpretation issue, but some of us are ripe for that. Unsure if erika feels like I do. Not speaking for the erika.

Get published, read someone talk about how upsetting it is that she's been working very hard for a very long time and all these other folks (who aren't b.org, but still, it's just "other") keep getting book deals...

I think it was an interpretation issue, but some of us are ripe for that.

Allyson speaks for me.

What I'm saying is, we're all emotionally charged artsy people banging our collective skulls against walls.

All I can say is that I'm very sorry for setting off anyone else's issues. It wasn't my intent, I had no idea I was doing it until this came up today, and I will be more careful in the future.

but I'm not able to find anything that makes me think Susan thinks she's better than us

Better than *us*? No.

Buffistas are, on average, smarter than your average bear and better writers and we're well represented by several wonderful published authors.

Better than many others who are published? Yes.

That's how Susan's posts read to me. Every drabble relates to the WiP directly. Every time. And she seems to need to be published as a form of validation. There never seems to be writing for the joy of writing or writing because she needs to tell a story. It feel like writing to be published. And nothing less is acceptable.

I feel like I've been waiting to post that same message for forever now

This. This is how I read Susan's posts.

No, I totally understand you weren't being all stabby to anyone here, Susan.

Can't be expected to know what demons lurk in my brains, you know? I always feel like it was a mistake that I got published. I'm a wreck about writing this new thing and feel like I'm being presumptuous for even presenting it to my agent. I feel guilty that it happened to me, and not people more deserving. I don't think that demon will ever go away.

Ugly, awful demon.

Sort of, Allyson, yeah. Add that to the feeling I have that Susan and I don't share much beyond writerly...insecurity. Plus the fact that I tend to let things go till they make me "Hulk smash!" annoyed, and then it's like a sniper attack. And I've had sort of a bad week. So I might have said it anyway, but I would have been kinder about it, probably. I'm sorry I was rude. But maybe you do go into publishing correspondence and stuff wearing certain expectancies on your sleeve, Susan. Maybe it sets other people off, too. Maybe that was the thought I was aiming for without all the harsh and profanity. And I do think your work is interesting, even. I've liked it,when I've seen it.