Cool, edited to reflect that. So it is now clear that is the *missions* that are gruesome and that those carrying it out have no choice? I used Panzers and elephants because the mixture gives an exotic impression. It could be Toussaint Louverture or someone as heroic as you care to mention. They would still be sent by on gruesome missions.

I like the Panzers and elephants--did the Mongols use war elephants? I thought they were all about the horses. Or is that part of the point?

Typo, it's hard to judge based on the world-building and one paragraph. What is the actual story about? Who is the protagonist?

As Jill cycled down the street spectral carriages flashed above her. Clouds showed faintly through the ornate trimmings and fire-breathing horses as they pulled their loads to destinations across town or across the world. Mongols riding war elephants and Germans riding Panzers streaked overhead, traveling to carry out gruesome missions. Though it was only two in the afternoon, blue lights flickered in every building. All houses were haunted now.

I know this is the original paragraph, but I wanted to question the last line. The fact that all houses are haunted now is something that anyone living in that world would know, so it's not something they would remark on. Even a reader who scanned the cover copy would know that -- it's better to show that, with specifics, than to paint a broad picture.

I'd also suggest you focus on the perspective. You mention Jill, so it could be third person, but it sounds a little omniscient as written.

Thanks for the useful feedback Amy.

One general question. This will be my first novel. Generally in terms of asking for betas, is it customary to seek beta readers as soon as a few chapters are done? Or is it more usual to wait until a draft of the entire work is complete?

Deb Grabien asks for betas chapter by chapter.

Great. My process is going to be a bit Tolkein like. I'm going to start by writing a history of my world, or rather of how our world was turned into this one. That won't be in anyway publishable. But in the course of doing that I think I will find my viewpoint character and the story that will take place within that history. I'm going to refer to this as "finding my hobbit". Once I have found I my hobbit I will begin writing actual chapters, probably after writing a really short outline. Plus I hope that there will chunks of the history that I will be able to steal from for the book.

The reason for this process is that, as Amy spotted, I don't really have a plot or a character. I have a world and pretty much the whole history of the world. So I hope if I write that history down, even though the result won't be publishable, or anything I'll want to share, I'll be able to find a good story to tell within that world.

I think writing the history to find the story is a great idea. It might be "why all this happened" or "While all that was happening, this poor schmuck got pulled into this situation" or "Someone decided to try to release the ghosts." Lots of stories in the haunted city.

Question: how solid is my legal ground if real (living people) make brief appearances in my fiction. Right now it looks the reality of ghosts is revealed to the public when Diane Sawyer interviews two ghosts, plus James Randi, and Tomas Diaz De La Rubia, Deputy Director for Science & Technology at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory as confirmation that it is not some sort of a trick. Tomas Diaz De La Rubia may not even be a public figure. Do I need to change the names, or get permission? Or is the brief, non-denigrating use of real people OK?

I think you can. (Or, at least, I've done it.) If it's more than a cameo, I'm not sure.

Here's an interesting piece about what you're not doing, TB: [link] That's about unflattering depictions. IANAL, but I don't know why you'd be in trouble.