Oh, and we're so VERY roommatey some of the time. It's a matter of comfort level. Working around differing sleepy patterns is just a challenge of the relationship biz.

I had wondered about the roommate-y thing too, so thanks for bringing it up, Teppy.

The sleeping patterns thing takes some getting used to. That and things like NEVER PUTTING DIRTY CLOTHES IN THE HAMPER. AFTER NINETEEN YEARS. Um.

But it's totally made up for with random making out, jokes only the two of you know, foot rubs when you're cranky, and that familiar *him* (or *her*) smell when you nuzzle in.

I just worked with a couple today that needed a strategy for circumventing social convention and getting a decent night's sleep.

We voted for a larger bed, separate covers and letting go of the notion that touching each other while unconscious means anything more than simple geometry.

I know there are people who can't sleep alone...I've NEVER been one of those, but this couple really needed to give themselves a break.

It felt great to see them relieved and creating a plan that would really work for them.

That's so true, bonny.

Stephen and I always snuggle for a minute or two, spooning, and then we sprawl. Away from each other. If he was wrapped around me all night, I would suffocate.

The funny thing, though, is that if he's away, or I'm away? I CANNOT make myself go to bed the first night. I'll stay up until I literally pass out, because it's weird to be in the alone. The second night, though? I'm like, BIG BED! ALL FOR ME!

Tep, what everyone else said. DH and I have been together for almost 9 years, living together for almost 5, and we're more roommate-y than not. Most of the time he's downstairs in the man-cave and I'm upstairs in the living room. This way his penchant for video games and Magnum PI marathons in the evening don't interfere with my enjoyment of Dancing With the Stars and BSG. We do watch a lot of hockey together, and the occasional movie sneaks its way in. Guitar Hero has also become a bonding experience for us.

We also learned a long time ago that we go to bed when we go to bed. If it's at the same time (both night owls) then great. If not, that's OK too. Another thing we've discovered is that we cannot spend all of our free time together because it will drive us to divorce. We need the space and some non-shared friends to keep us individually sane.

Good luck with the apartment, sj!

What they all said. 20 years and very roommate-y. Add on top of this the co-worker thing. Almost never go to bed at the same time. But we do sometimes go home for lunch at the same time. ;)

Bonny, one of my dear older friends invented a machine that made bottle brushes quite a few decades ago. He had a machine die manufacturing type business. Someone stole his machine idea and used it to make the first artificial Christmas trees. He didn't know this until a few years later when the machine broke and an unknowing employee called him to see if they could do a repair. He retired on the settlement.

We voted for a larger bed, separate covers and letting go of the notion that touching each other while unconscious means anything more than simple geometry.

DH would be in heaven with the prospect of separate covers. He definitely stakes out his own territory in the bed. It was hard for him to learn to sleep with me because I'm a twin (and my twin and I tended to end up in the same bed for a very long time growing up). I just tend to touch a lot when sleeping. And he prefers not to be touched when he's sleeping. We've managed to work it out very well.

Our mutual understanding of sleeping arrangements and a few games of rock/paper/scissors have saved our marriage.

That and things like NEVER PUTTING DIRTY CLOTHES IN THE HAMPER. AFTER NINETEEN YEARS. Um.

We do our own laundry since we both have set (and very different) ways of washing clothes. We each have a basket in our closets. DH's huge, honking PROBLEM is not putting the damned dishes in the dishwasher. They make it to the sink, but it's so very hard to open the dishwasher door RIGHT NEXT TO THE FREAKIN' SINK to put the dishes in. Um, it agitates me more than it should.

Stephen and I always snuggle for a minute or two, spooning, and then we sprawl. Away from each other.

Wrod. Except I'm not snuggling with Steven. I've got a Rob. It bothered me for a long time that we didn't cuddle all night, but that was unrealistic soap opera/romance novel expectations. Plus, he snores like a symphony of chainsaws, so the farther away his face is from my ears, the less black and blue he's going to be in the morning.

and it seems to me that a live-in relationship ranges from hi, oh yeah we share a bed to hooray the person I love most in the world is here, I must crush them with my love to please vanish for three hours so I can be all by myself and yes, take the cat with you.

Truer words have never been typed.