It sucked pretty hard, Perkins, but, um, at least it didn't ruin my weekend plans?

That is a bright spot! And it sounds like it's gone, which is good too, right?

What concert are you going to?

Wow, I have been offline with the ick since Thursday, and I did not connect the shooting with sumi's school, even though I knew that is where she worked! I am so glad you are safe.

This ick is kicking my ass, however-- only now it is new improved throat/lung ick, which is actually mostly gone except that disgusting ball of mucous that seems to be lodged in my throat.

I am also in need of buffista advice for my best friend. I may have spoken about her a couple of times, but she recently physically separated from her husband, who is an alcoholic, and was quite verbally abusive during his episodes. They have 2 children (7 and 5) and he was the one working. She is going to graduate school part-time. They had no plans for divorce or formal separation, and she was still paying all of their bills with his paycheck from their joint account, both for his apartment and her house (her house is paid for by her mother who lives accross the street, so it is just food and stuff for the kids). He only recently got promoted to a place where he is making decent money ($35,000) and they have a lot of debt from before that, mostly in her name, as he had no credit history.

He has now been laid off. He is in almost no condition to look for other work, as he has been inebriated pretty much ever since he got the news. Although they had spoken about him checking himself into a detox program if he got laid off, he is now adamantly refusing. She does not want him back in the house, but I don't think she feels she can completely let him go because she feels he cannot take care of himself. (Even when they were living separately, she called to wake him up for work, washed ironed and set out his clothes, etc). He does have a very sad childhood/growing up story that may explain a lot of what he does now, but it certainly does not excuse it (he and I, actually , have very similar backgrounds, without the familial alcoholism, which in some ways makes me feel less sorry for him) What she really wants to do is get him into some sort of program, but not in a way that he is very angry at the end of it, and has no where to go except her house. I am not sure if this is possible, and would like to point her in the direction of some advice from someone who knows what they are talking about. My gut feeling is that at this point she has to stop worrying about him at all, because he isn't even providing money at this point, and that maybe her ignoring him will cause him to seek help himself. I thought maybe she should talk to a counselor, or maybe someone at Al-Anon? I don't know what kind of services they provide but that seems like the right group? I just want to help her, because she is my best friend, and this just sucks. I also feel a little bit guilty because I never pushed her to do anything about him. I just figure it is best to not get in the middle of someone's marriage if you want to remain friends, so I acted as a sounding board and gave my opinion when needed Because her mother lives across the street and has money, she is not in danger of starving to death or being on the street.

So-- help, advice, ~ma... and is pointing her toward counseling really the best I can do?

She needs to start with Al-Anon, yes.

He needs an intervention, it sounds like. I suspect public sector resources may be your friends' only option, if they have no health insurance. He absolutely needs to get into detox.

Gah.

And it sounds like it's gone, which is good too, right?

It is mostly gone, enough that I'm functional.

What concert are you going to?

Holy Fuck (experimental electronica) and A Place to Bury Strangers (sorta Joy Division-meets-Ministry).

I just figure it is best to not get in the middle of someone's marriage if you want to remain friends, so I acted as a sounding board and gave my opinion when needed

This is very smart.

And, yes, Al-Anon is exactly the right group to help her. A counselor certainly wouldn't hurt, but Al-Anon is entirely free and specifically for people in your friend's situation.

I hope her husband does detox, but she doesn't have to wait for him to start working on himself to work on herself and their relationship from her end.

Ok- good to know that Al-Anon is a good first step... and yes, with the lay-off they now have no health insurance. There was no severance package. I don't even know how she is keeping it together, because I would totally be flipping my shit at this point. Unfortunately, I am not sure he has enough "friends" to do an intervention. They were having a similar problem in out of town a few years back, so my friend moved them here so she had a support system, which is basically her brothers, mother, me and another friend, and he has not really made his own support system.

Al-Anon can certainly be very helpful for her to find ways to cope. Just being in the same room with people with the same problem is helpful. At this point, probably the only thing she can do for him is to not enable or support him in any way. This can move him towards hitting "bottom," the place where he knows he needs help.

Sophia, with him out of work and the family without health insurance, she should be looking at signing her kids up for medicaid or whatever state insurance program that covers kids. She can call the department of family & childrens' services to find out about specifics of that.

Al-anon is a good starting place for her. Lots of ~ma to her and her family.

I have no advice, Sophia, but all best wishes for your friend and her family.