She needs to start with Al-Anon, yes.

He needs an intervention, it sounds like. I suspect public sector resources may be your friends' only option, if they have no health insurance. He absolutely needs to get into detox.

Gah.

And it sounds like it's gone, which is good too, right?

It is mostly gone, enough that I'm functional.

What concert are you going to?

Holy Fuck (experimental electronica) and A Place to Bury Strangers (sorta Joy Division-meets-Ministry).

I just figure it is best to not get in the middle of someone's marriage if you want to remain friends, so I acted as a sounding board and gave my opinion when needed

This is very smart.

And, yes, Al-Anon is exactly the right group to help her. A counselor certainly wouldn't hurt, but Al-Anon is entirely free and specifically for people in your friend's situation.

I hope her husband does detox, but she doesn't have to wait for him to start working on himself to work on herself and their relationship from her end.

Ok- good to know that Al-Anon is a good first step... and yes, with the lay-off they now have no health insurance. There was no severance package. I don't even know how she is keeping it together, because I would totally be flipping my shit at this point. Unfortunately, I am not sure he has enough "friends" to do an intervention. They were having a similar problem in out of town a few years back, so my friend moved them here so she had a support system, which is basically her brothers, mother, me and another friend, and he has not really made his own support system.

Al-Anon can certainly be very helpful for her to find ways to cope. Just being in the same room with people with the same problem is helpful. At this point, probably the only thing she can do for him is to not enable or support him in any way. This can move him towards hitting "bottom," the place where he knows he needs help.

Sophia, with him out of work and the family without health insurance, she should be looking at signing her kids up for medicaid or whatever state insurance program that covers kids. She can call the department of family & childrens' services to find out about specifics of that.

Al-anon is a good starting place for her. Lots of ~ma to her and her family.

I have no advice, Sophia, but all best wishes for your friend and her family.

Sophia, with him out of work and the family without health insurance, she should be looking at signing her kids up for medicaid or whatever state insurance program that covers kids. She can call the department of family & childrens' services to find out about specifics of that.

Thank you. This is good advice. And thanks for the good wishes, Jesse.

Also, Sophia, it may feel like you are not doing enough by just being around and being supportive, but being married to an alcoholic is often very very isolating, so having your friendship is no doubt more important to her than you realize.

Anywhere that he could get treatment, public or private, is likely to have a waiting list, sadly. But she doesn't need to wait for him to be ready to go in to start making inquiries as to who will take him. And she wouldn't have to take him in when he gets out - there are halfway houses and sober living facilities to help him get back on his feet.

Also, does she have the money to sign up for Cobra? Can she at least check out what the cost would be? As far as I know, if the company offered health insurance then Cobra or some similar program that lets the fired/laid off employee continue on the same health plan has to be availabe for times ranging from six to eighteen months. (Actual Cobra was 18 last I checked, but substitute programs often offer much shorter periods.) Unfortunately these buy-ins are often expensive, but not always. Has your friend at least check what program her ex is covered under, and what the cost of coverage under it is?