Can this Mom be stopped? Now she wants to have a discussion about the current situation between me, her and my sister's husband on Thursday with the entire family (after said sister has left). Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! Maybe I'll develop a sudden illness.

Laga -- my response would be something along the lines of-

Thanksgiving is a day to count blessings, not curses. Please pick another time and place

beth is wise, Laga.

I'm getting mixed up. I thought at one point both you and your mother had stated that the asshate's behavior, including the overly redundant mass apology, was such that you were not wanting to be at the same family gatherings as you two. Not that it is my place to judge, but if that has been a boundary that you have set, and it has not been satisfactorily negotiated, it would be good to enforce that boundary.

Mom is upset that Meg has decided to skip Christmas if the asshate is not welcome. Mom is trying to facilitate him being accepted at family gatherings. I told Mom that I would try but that I could not guarantee that I would keep my mouth shut around him, especially if he provoked me.

The problem is: if Meg is intending to end this relationship then yeah, I see no reason why I should ever have to see this guy again. If Meg is intending to spend the rest of her life with him then I would prefer to be reconciled. Unfortunately, the last time Mom and I tried to sit down and work things out with the asshate was the time I found out that he considers me to be a non-person.

Mom is hoping that the rest of the family will be able to help us decide what is the best course of action. Thanksgiving seems like the ideal time (to her) because it's the only time we'll all be together.

So the asshate rules thanksgiving, too.

I do understand what your mom is trying to do. and I respect your position. Quite frankly - unless papers are filed , you have to assume your sister is staying with him. But he can't rule every holiday.

I understand your mom being upset, but you all are grownups now. Meg is choosing her own family. Maybe one Christmas apart would be good for everyone.

Anyway, back to this Thursday . It is mom's house, she can invite who she wants. You will be on your best behavior - but that means you won't take any garbage from him either. You will do you best not to distress mom ( I'm not sure what is acceptable behavior in your family , but you know where the lines are) but you can't guarantee that you will stay the whole time ( make plans for xmas if it gets to bad). Tell mom now, and don't get involved in any turkey day debate. ( easier said than done) Just refuse to address the subject. You know how you feel, you know what you prefer, but you also know how you wish to behave even if things don't go your way.

Thus endedth the lecture. I love Thanksgiving. A day put aside for appreciating what you have. I hate that so many people have evil thanksgivings

I just made the cranberry sauce

beth is so wise, she deserves all the sugar free chocolates ever.

The asshate will not be at Thanksgiving. What Mom is trying to facilitate is Meg being at Christmas but yes beth is very wise and I am going to mention to Mom that maybe Meg not being there for Christmas would be a good thing.

Totally other topic, here is a video of a big bear lion hug: [link]

Beth_B has wise advice. I'd lean towards the proverbial High Road (nooo, not that kind of high!). Kill with kindness, so that when he starts acting like an asshat, it wasn't provoked by you, and thus shows Meg (hopefully) and rest of family how much of an asshat he really is. If he's not an asshat for the day, BONUS! You had a nice T-day then. Family is very important to you. Don't block it out. It's a practical request, that while the family is there to deal with the issue. Make sure to say at the END of the day, so as to use any transgressions of the day against him.

ETA- cross post, I see he's not to be there. Dunno what to say. Either way, chin up. It's family, and you love them... don't push them away.

I'd lean towards the proverbial High Road (nooo, not that kind of high!)

I've heard that kind of high can be useful for getting through the holidays too, but wouldn't know. :)