Ooh, and JZ, did you go through a recruiter on either of them? If so the recruiter should be dealing, but if not...Because you could in theory call the other place that hasn't offered, and let them know you HAVE an offer, just to put the fire under them (and help let you know if you're negotiating from a position of strength (two companies wanting you) or weakness).

There can be only one... job.

Two job offers enter, one leaves!

Thanks, t!

JZ, I'm fuzzy on that math. Do your taxes go up THAT much more that it'll eat half the extra?

Also, I wish you the very best. All the negotiating stuff makes me extremely glad I work in a fixed-salary career, just because I'm so awful at that kind of stuff. I would hug you! And Matilda!

I was looking through my grandmother's cookbook and found a page out of another cookbook which seems to have been compiled entirely from the town my mother grew up in. How old was this cookbook? Well, the ad for the furniture store (and funeral and ambulance service) listed their phone number as 24. Naturally, I had to call my mother, and... well, I didn't get any papers graded tonight. Ah well. Wish I could find this original cookbook, though.

I think I have, at last count, five recruiters, but both these jobs were my own Craigslist finds.

I feel a little better. I'd been just staring at the offer and thinking, "Is this all you think I'm worth? That's it? God, I must suck worse than I thought." It never really occurred to me that I had a right to counter.

eta: Erin, I have no idea what taxes will do, but I calculated the biweekly and monthly amounts from the per-hour amount they quoted, and it came out to a pre-tax amount exactly $200 more a month than my current pre-tax amount.

If pre-tax was $200 more per month, figure about $50-60 goes to Uncle Sam. Of course, it all depends on the tax bracket, which state live in for state withholdings, and if you live or work in a city/county that also dips in the pocket. Just ballparking it.

Can this Mom be stopped? Now she wants to have a discussion about the current situation between me, her and my sister's husband on Thursday with the entire family (after said sister has left). Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! Maybe I'll develop a sudden illness.

Laga -- my response would be something along the lines of-

Thanksgiving is a day to count blessings, not curses. Please pick another time and place

beth is wise, Laga.

I'm getting mixed up. I thought at one point both you and your mother had stated that the asshate's behavior, including the overly redundant mass apology, was such that you were not wanting to be at the same family gatherings as you two. Not that it is my place to judge, but if that has been a boundary that you have set, and it has not been satisfactorily negotiated, it would be good to enforce that boundary.

Mom is upset that Meg has decided to skip Christmas if the asshate is not welcome. Mom is trying to facilitate him being accepted at family gatherings. I told Mom that I would try but that I could not guarantee that I would keep my mouth shut around him, especially if he provoked me.

The problem is: if Meg is intending to end this relationship then yeah, I see no reason why I should ever have to see this guy again. If Meg is intending to spend the rest of her life with him then I would prefer to be reconciled. Unfortunately, the last time Mom and I tried to sit down and work things out with the asshate was the time I found out that he considers me to be a non-person.

Mom is hoping that the rest of the family will be able to help us decide what is the best course of action. Thanksgiving seems like the ideal time (to her) because it's the only time we'll all be together.

So the asshate rules thanksgiving, too.

I do understand what your mom is trying to do. and I respect your position. Quite frankly - unless papers are filed , you have to assume your sister is staying with him. But he can't rule every holiday.

I understand your mom being upset, but you all are grownups now. Meg is choosing her own family. Maybe one Christmas apart would be good for everyone.

Anyway, back to this Thursday . It is mom's house, she can invite who she wants. You will be on your best behavior - but that means you won't take any garbage from him either. You will do you best not to distress mom ( I'm not sure what is acceptable behavior in your family , but you know where the lines are) but you can't guarantee that you will stay the whole time ( make plans for xmas if it gets to bad). Tell mom now, and don't get involved in any turkey day debate. ( easier said than done) Just refuse to address the subject. You know how you feel, you know what you prefer, but you also know how you wish to behave even if things don't go your way.

Thus endedth the lecture. I love Thanksgiving. A day put aside for appreciating what you have. I hate that so many people have evil thanksgivings

I just made the cranberry sauce