Ok - I need some hairpats and validation from my friends, even though I know I'm being a spectacular brat.
My mother has decided that, in the face of her grief for the loss of my grandmother, to
not
host nor attend any Thanksgiving festivities.
She *just* told me.
I know in my heart that if this is what she needs to do to deal, then ok. I get that. Well, I get it as much as I can because hello? dealing with the same loss. The woman might not have given birth to me, but my grandmother was, in many ways, more my mother than the woman who had me.
What hurts so much is that once again, she is failing to see how other people (me) might need her to do for us as well as us do for her. I shouldn't expect that from her considering that she has NEVER done for me in any sort of emotional turmoil and upheaval, but for fuck's sake, I moved 2500 miles to be close to family for, among other reasons, HOLIDAYS.
Part of me is very understanding. The other part of me wants to tell her to suck it up for the sake of her granddaughter, if no one else, and to stop being so goddamned insular.
Everytime it seems I get a little more accepting that here is home, family pulls some shit like this and then I think, "Fuck it. I am, in the words of some rap artist, going back to Cali." Because that family? NEVER let me down.
kicks wall really really hard
Oh, Aimee. I'm sorry, hon. Many hairpats, snorgles, and shots of Fernet for you. You're not being a brat, actually - I think you have every right to be upset.
t hugs the heck out of Aimee
I'm so sorry, love. That just sucks. I wish I could teleport the three of you here to eat my first attempt at a Thanksgiving turkey (though maybe missing my first turkey isn't such a bad thing).
Do you have room at your place to host a little one for your family, or is that not a possibility?
Aw, Aimee.
hairpat
The trouble with the chosen vs. biological family comparison is, well, the choosing part. Chosen family is generally formed as an adult, and it doesn't involve the same level of button pushing as the bio-fam does.
Bio-fam stuff is just SO VERY crazymaking and I'm sorry that your mom is disappointing you. Especially in the face of the reasons of your move.
My unsolicited two cents: let her do what she needs to do, accept what she says and carry on. I don't know your mom, so this is just my own suspicions of human behavior, but I suspect there might be some fishing for people falling apart at the thought of having Thanksgiving without her.
thinks
more hairpats
You're not being a brat, actually - I think you have every right to be upset.
Juliana is wise. (Says the girl who decided not to host the usual big Thanksgiving for this year.) But no, you are not being a brat at all.
Do you have room at your place to host a little one for your family, or is that not a possibility?
We totally could. We have the space and the ability. We're gonna go to Joe's dad's for dinner.
You're not being a brat, actually - I think you have every right to be upset.
Thanks, bebe. I totally feel like one.
I don't know your mom, so this is just my own suspicions of human behavior, but I suspect there might be some fishing for people falling apart at the thought of having Thanksgiving without her.
ding ding ding
My mother put the Drama Que in Drama Queen. I come by it honestly. On the phone just now she told me and I said, "Oh. Ok. Fine." We'll go to Joe's dad's house and hang with them and it'll be fine.
My mother has decided that in the face of her grief for the loss of my grandmother to not host nor attend any Thanksgiving festivities.
Not hosting makes sense. Announcing she won't attend seems, um, melodramatic.
What hurts so much is that once again, she is failing to see how other people (me) might need her to do for us as well as us do for her. I shouldn't expect that from her considering that she has NEVER done for me in any sort of emotional turmoil and upheaval, but for fuck's sake, I moved 2500 miles to be close to family for, among other reasons, HOLIDAYS.
And that is WHY your Grandmother was, in many ways, more your mother than the woman who had you.
You host beautiful parties. Full of love. And because of that Em can still be with her family. I know this will be hard if you host -- maybe even harder than having 20 people over when you were 10 months pregnant -- but maybe that is something you WANT to do.
Welcome yourself back to Michigan by surrounding yourselves with that family you came home to. And tell your Mom that if she feels up to it when things have quieted down she should come by for some pie.
It's a shame you have to be the grown up -- but not as big a shame as when you were a child.
::snuggles Empress::
And you make a wonderful grown up
{{Aimee}} sorry mom can't see past her pain. and Like your grandmother would have wanted her daughter to hide in cave. It would be good if she came to a compromise. Like come for dessert.
Kristin- bad situations are making reasonable people want to throw tantrums - I wish you extra patience.
{{{Aimee}}} I'm so sorry. The holidays can be such a difficult subject after a loss. Is it possible for you to have Thanksgiving at your place with your mother helping out with some of the food purchases, so that the cost isn't all on you? Maybe a change of venue will make it easier on your mother this year.
