So it's the "all involved know about it and are okay about it" aspect that makes it poly?

Is an "open marriage" poly, or does poly mean that all people involved have feelings for each other?

I would think the difference in whether someone is a friend or a boyfriend/girlfriend is if you have romantic feelings for them or not.

Is an "open marriage" poly, or does poly mean that all people involved have feelings for each other?

I would think they can, but don't have to. Though I would hope if I were in a relationship involving more than one other person that everyone at least had compatible personalities.

To sum up: poly is my orientation.

I don't really get this. And, it's none of my beeswax, so please feel free to ignore, but does this mean that you only want to be in relationships with more than one person? Like, if you were in a relationship with just one person it would feel as wrong to you as, say, a gay person being in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex? (And, just so you know, I'm not at all judgmental! Just curious!)

Is an "open marriage" poly, or does poly mean that all people involved have feelings for each other?

I would think they can, but don't have to. Though I would hope if I were in a relationship involving more than one other person that everyone at least had compatible personalities.

Poly doesn't mean spouse-approved fucking around. That, more or less, is swinging.

Poly means you have a "primary" relationship, with your spouse/main squeeze/SO/whatever, and then "secondary" relationship(s) with others; the secondary relationships may or may not be mutual with your primary partner.

I'm not 100% sure, but I think that more often than not, primary partners don't share a secondary partner, though it's also not *un*common to share.

So even though I am still confused, I think I know why I am not poly. Love, for me, takes time. And I am not naturally very open. But once I am in love - it is pretty much 100%. I have to be careful to remember to separate myself from the other person. I my DH is in a bad mood or grumpy or overtired, I have to remember, that although I am concerned or worried or sympathetic , I am not in the same mood. Or let his mood change mood. Being open to too many people - might drive me over the edge.

does this mean that you only want to be in relationships with more than one person? Like, if you were in a relationship with just one person it would feel as wrong to you as, say, a gay person being in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex?

I'm sure there are people for whom it feels wrong to be in a relationship with only one person, but my guess is that, for most poly people, what that simply means is that they're *open* to developing a secondary romantic relationship if such an opportunity presents itself.

t edit I'm really uncomfortably posting about this, because I'm not poly at all, but the kinky world has a lot of crossover with the poly world, so I know a lot of poly people and I've learned a good deal about it (so as not to put my foot in my mouth with a really poorly thought-out joke in social situations [which I have done in the past]).

I'm just posting because people seem to have questions, and I hate for there to be misconceptions out there, and, well, I can never seem to shut the fuck up, even when I should.

Poly doesn't mean spouse-approved fucking around. That, more or less, is swinging.

I think you're reading more into what I'm saying than I am. I was the one who said no one had to be fucking.

Can the different relationships be equal? As in, neither Bob nor Jim is primary?

I think you're reading more into what I'm saying than I am. I was the one who said no one had to be fucking.

Ooops -- I was answering Stephanie's question about is an "open marriage" a poly situation. I wasn't addressing anything you said (or, at least, I didn't mean to be).

t edit I was implying, I suppose, that "open marriage" is a really vague term and seems to be code for "we can fuck around with whoever we want," rather than being actual polyamory.

Can the different relationships be equal? As in, neither Bob nor Jim is primary?

Probably. I don't know any poly people whose relationships are structured that way, but I'm sure it happens.

FWIW, most of the poly couples I've known have referred to themselves fairly interchangeably as "being poly" and "having an open marriage/relationship." Doesn't mean it's true for everyone, but IME "open marriage" is more likely to mean poly than swingers.