Those of you who were here for my grandmother's hospitalization and subsequent death may remember, but I would like to reiterate here that her living will & medical power of attorney were extremely important to us and the decisions we had to make as a family. Because she was explicit with us with her wishes and values, and put it in legal form that the medical establishment had, we were able to honor those wishes without grief.

It was important both in decisions about her care (do we place a feeding tube? Yes, because it was temporary and fit within the specific requirements of her document. Had it been permanent, or other than to supplement her nutrition while treating the underlying cause of the problem, we would not have placed it.) and about her end of life. Because the nurses knew about the DNR, when the time came, there was no fuss, no panic, no questions about what we should do.

I will always remember the head nurse at the time, whose name was Ginger, who came rushing into the room at my call, assessed the situation with a glance, and just very quietly put her arm around my mother. As a result of the living will, we did not have to question our path, or regret what we could have done. We were able to just honor her wishes.

Because my mother had my grandmother's medical POA, she was able to make informed care decisions along the way. She did not run into any difficulty with authority, because the papers were long ago prepared. My grandmother, who was blind and severely arthritic by that time, would have had difficulty signing over authority, even during the parts of her decline where she was lucid and able to express herself. But because of her thoughtful preparation, my mother could focus on getting the best possible care for my grandmother, instead of wrangling with paperwork. The same was true for her actual will, property ownership, and inheritance. Careful preparation allowed that process, during the difficult grieving process, to be as painless as possible.

I encourage you to do the same; it is a service to the people who love you.

That's a hell of a sobering PSA, Liese.

Indeed. Thanks for sharing it, Liese.

Now, do I have the nerve to email it to my mother?

Also, how does one say to one's parent, still young (under 60) but you know, you never know, "So, my grandparents died and I wish I knew more about what life was like for them in their childhoods/early adulthood. Would you consider writing up something, or giving me an interview?"

"So, my grandparents died and I wish I knew more about what life was like for them in their childhoods/early adulthood. Would you consider writing up something, or giving me an interview?"

"I'm thinking of doing a family history. Can you give me some info on those members of our family that have passed away, starting with your parents?"

but how do you bring that up? I mean, really.

maybe something like "Grandma, I hate to bring this up, but I need to know what you want us to do in case you are not in a position to make decisions for yourself."

But how do you bring that up? I mean, really.

Personally, I brought it up by doing my own and talking to my father about who would be my "pull the plug" person. And I was really happy when the time came that we had had the conversation.

And, honestly, why would you insist your parent/grandparent do it and not be considering it for yourself?

Luckily, I all seem to have friends that are quite happy at the idea of pulling my plug.

And, honestly, why would you insist your parent/grandparent do it and not be considering it for yourself?

No lawyer?

I just had to sign off on my dad's power of attorney, advance medical directive, and will, since I'm essentially the only agent who'll be in the country. We call them the "sell the house while I'm overseas, pull my plug and keep the preacher away, and get all the money" documents.

And my mother did hers after her husband had a stroke and the only person who could legally access his bank accounts (and thus pay his bills) was in Morocco.

New atheist symbol: [link]

I didn't see the need for it, and the designs I saw I didn't like, but this one's cool. Because it's shiny.

Isn't that the symbol for anarchy?