Is there some special meaning to the Yoko Ono song about a toy boat?

Nuh-huh. I love my fighting boys quite to pieces and refuse to share or trade or even look away.

I can respect that.

I guess I'll just have to edumucate this batch.

Oh, goody! Home from high school and a convo on kink!

I bet a bunch of you pervy types are secretly closet celebates who subscribe to Self-Denial Now and who practice cold showers every morning while contemplating the purity of nothingness.

This is, sadly, almost too true to be funny. I haven't....hmm, wow, it's been THAT long?! Crazy.

I used to get laid. I remember quite clearly that it used to happen.

I used to get laid. I remember quite clearly that it used to happen.

I remember that too, both because you'd come in here the mornings after with glorious little stories, and also because the most recent guy lucky enough to enjoy your company suffered a sudden spasmodic attack of asshattery. Unless he's since turned up amnesiac and recently awoken from a yearlong coma in which your beloved face and glorious ass were the last things he remembers from his previous life, I'm keeping him on my "run over with a garbage truck if at all possible" list.

I'm keeping him on my "run over with a garbage truck if at all possible" list.

Oooh. Speaking of which, I got a text message from L who went to court today to prove up the divorce:

"Goodbyyyyyyyyyyyye Earl!"

We're toasting with champagne-me and 2 of her other girlfriends-tonight!

Oh, JZ. Lemme share: I checked into the site I met him at, where I hadn't checked my messages in about 7 months. I had a message from him, about 3 or 4 months after I'd last heard from him:

TMI whitefont: "Every time I jack off, I think of how much I loved fucking you."

I read that and CRINGED. Like, oh God, you didn't think that writing this to me would be a good thing, did you?

EWewew worldofEW. I am All About Blunt, but a girl likes a leetle...veiling, yes?

Erin, he sure is a romantic, isn't he?

Gnnnnarg.

I once had a guy tell me he'd been thinking of me while doing some other chick. That's a compliment? Really?

EW EW EW. He is deeply unworthy.

I am All About Blunt, but a girl likes a leetle...veiling, yes?

Veiling or build-up or some damn thing. That was seriously it? That's what he had to say for himself after vanishing from the face of the earth? Un. Worthy.

And for some reason I'm now thinking about the long-ago boyfriend who one night long, long ago was lying in bed with me, smiling into my eyes and petting my hair and kissing my forehead, until finally his eyes got misty and he looked so romantical and man-swoony and filled with longing that I said, "What are you thinking, dear?"

"Oh," he said dreamily, "I was just thinking about how much I'd like to have anal sex with you."

(eta: Not that anal sex is so awful - or even, at this point, remotely noteworthy - but something about his extreme pining-Austen-hero mien and the actual words "anal sex" kicked me right into a burst of unfortunate laughter. Which apparently men aren't so fond of in bed.)

ION, DJ, that's fantastic news! I'm sorry he's been such a monumentally horrifying, creepy, manipulative stalkerish asshole, but so very glad that the divorce came through so quickly and she's FREE. Champagne, prosecco, Fernet, and all things glowy and joy-bestowing!

Daisy, that's fantastic news. Tell her all the axe murderers on the internet are toasting her!

DUDE. Why boats, though? Why not toy helicopters?

Gotta have something to do with bathtime.