t taking a break from catching-up to see what is currently being discussed
Oh, this game again! Yay! I love it when we play the "when I delurked and why" game. And I think it's quite appropriate, looking at the past, when we're trying to think about our future.
My first post was in the second "Angel" thread. I've been lurking for such a long time then, but it took me this forever to trust my English, and, well, to actually, you know, have something to say.
The original reason for my lurking was the way BtVS was pulled here, they stopped showing it, with what seemed as zero chances of return, and I missed my show and those characters. It was the first time in my life that I actually went looking for "what happened then" (I don't think I've heard the word "spoilers" at the time. I called it "looking at the ending of the book"). None of the "episode guide" sites gave me what I was looking for, which was the feel of the episodes and what they made you think, which was what I liked most. I was already reading on Salon and TT at the time, so finding the "Buffy" thread was easy.
But this meant, of course, that by definition, I really had nothing to say. I didn't watch these episodes, I only recognized maybe one out of four from the cultural references, and I always had to have an English-Hebrew dictionary at the ready. Even when distinct names started to become people, and I began to like those names-who-are-people on the screen, I still had pretty much nothing to say.
But then, I did. It was a discussion about "Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been", and people commented about the amount and detail of the references to the time in which the flashback parts of the episode took place. I just saw the episode (I had a tape fairy. I don't think that downloading episodes of TV shows was possible at the time, or at least common knowledge, and yes, my prudish self wonders to this day what that same prudish self would have done, had it been possible, but, well, it hadn't been, and that's that).
So people kept writing that there were too many references to USA history, that they were too heavily pointed-at, that diluting them or putting them in the background could have been enough and subtler, and I suddenly realized that I wanted to say that, no, it was just the exact amount and lighting for a stranger from another country, history and language to follow it all. And *then* I realized that I meant that I had something to say, something that nobody else there could have said, because nobody had my perspective. I could really contribute something original to the conversation.
So I tried. And it went OK. The people who were nice and polite to each other continued being nice and polite to me, as well, surprisingly enough, and apparently I managed to make my English appear passable (I was so proud), without a too-thick accent. Phew. Back to lurking and having-nothing-to-say, right?
Only, I got a taste for posting, now. And before I knew it, the rest is still being history.
I remember the first time I felt like I wasn't just a name-on-a-screen to somebody else, that I became a person to somebody's screen, not just opinions-on-a-tv-show. It was in a discussion with ita (IIRC, something to do with Xander and Anya, but I am really not sure how RC this is). She wrote something to the effect of "you're wrong. First of, because you are, and second, because actual-reason-blah-blah-blah-I-can't-remember-any-of-it-cakes".
And I was thrilled, because, hey, the stranger on the internet joked with me, and trusted that I would understand the humor, and didn't worry about walking-on-eggshells the way you do with complete strangers, the way you have to be completely polite around them and only let your guard down among people you feel more comfortable with. I was a "let your font's guard down" person, yay (also, easily thrilled, I guess).
It still took me quite some time to dare to play games with English, to flow with my thoughts when I type, and to discover how large are the paragraphs I can throw at the screen if I don't pay attention. Um, pretty much like right now, so I better shut my keyboard up.
t back to catching up