Keanu is very natural in River's Edge, as Ple notes. Like the stoner Hawaiian kid he was.

Aw. "You're just here to fuck my mother and eat my food. Motherfucker! Foodeater!"

When we saw Johnny Mnemonic (at the dollar theater) at some point a character screams "Motherfucker" and two of us shouted "Foodeater!" in automatic response. Which I think confused the other people in the theater. Both of them.

Keanu is OK when he does not talk. He should play nothing but mutes. Or people who speak imaginary languages. It would have been an OK junk movie if Keanu had not kept speaking. He can't deliver a line decently.

OK this is fucking funny because truth be told I did once have a crush on Keanu Reeves mostly because of Rupert Marchetta in The Prince of Pennsylvania. My future ex husband was well aware of said crush when we went to see Much Ado About Nothing. I had no idea Keanu was in it and said as much when FEH glared at me accusingly during the opening credits.

Listen, I said, I am so over this guy. I mean he's cute and all and he's a pretty decent physical actor but when it comes to speaking he really is just not very good at it. My FEH agreed and then we realized with horror that we were about to watch Keanu Reeves do Shakespeare.

The rest of the audience may have been quite annoyed when Keanu rode up on his horsie, dismounted and said, "I am a man of few words," and FEH and I exclaimed, "WOOHOO!"

On its own merits,ignoring its source, is it a good movie?

NobutIlikeitanyway.

I can distance myself and see everything about it that's utter crap, I really can. But there's my Keanu problem, see, and Tilda Swinton being so awesome, and the whole faux-epic feel of the Good-v-Evil thing and...yeah. Sometimes I am just that easy.

I seem to remember enjoying Keanu in My Own Private Idaho. On the other hand, it was years ago and I don't know what I would think of it now.

Keanu does have extensive Shakespeare training. I liked him in Point Break, and we know all about my unreasonable and unholy love for Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (in which he's playing himself, more or less).

I'll take people's word for it that Keanu once had the ability to speak. I'll make a point to see River's Edge and Johny Mneumonic at some point.

From the NYT review:

Most of the performances are as natural and credible as the ones in ''Tex,'' with Mr. Roebuck a sad and helpless figure as Samson, and Keanu Reeves affecting and sympathetic as Tim's older brother

Perhaps the last time those words were said about Mr. Reeves, who brought a charming cluelessness to the excellent adventures of Bill and Ted, but unfortunately got stuck there.

(That said, I have mad, mad love for Keanu Reeves, and hope that one day, he gets that groove back.)

I have mad, mad love for Keanu Reeves, and hope that one day, he gets that groove back.

So very much this.

Greg Berlanti is co-writing and directing a Green Lantern movie.