Okay, this is freaking hysterical. Two people were shown to be an existing couple. Two others decided to *pretend* to be an existing couple (since that's working out so well for the first two tools). Now they're all convinced that everybody but them is in an existing hidden relationship. Madness! Dogs and morons cats living together!

Ok, y'all I feel so badly. I actually took notes on AI. And it is so not worthy, but seriously, most of these dudes were so anonymous for me that I was afraid I wouldn't remember any of them if I didn't.

General impressons: This crop of guys sucks ass. Not that this is an unusual thing for AI. But seriously, "best singers ever?" I don't think so.

And since I now have like three pages of notes on craptastic AI performances, I'm just gonna talk about my top 3 and bottom 3:

Bottom: (and really there were almost too many to limit it to just 3)

Chikezie – I Love You More Today than Yesterday

Ok, orange suit? Just, no . . . no. Also, you are flat all over the place. And what the hell song is this? Oh, this is not good. Ah, finally caught what song it was. Now it’s even worse. You have done something unrecognizably, unspeakably bad to this song. Why, why would you do that? Uh oh. Paula’s first “You look great . . . Your smile’s infectious.” That just means it’s bad. Did Simon just call him “Jacuzzi”? Cause that’s great! Eeww, and he’s mouthy. Buh-bye, Jacuzzi. Simon’s totally right.

Jason Yeager – Moon River

Singing waiter, huh? Cute kid. Am sad that he sang Oh, Mary Don’t You Weep for his audition. It is such a choral piece to me . . . does not lend itself to solo vocals. Oh no, Moon River. So, so cheesy. He doesn’t have a bad voice, but seriously, so, so cheesy. Oh god, the teeth. They scare me with their Osmond-esqe luminescence. I bet that slays at the diner, though. (As usual, Simon is right)

Luke Menard

Don’t know this dude at all. His audition sucked ass. Ok, this dude can’t sing. AT ALL. So sad to waste all that pretty. He kinda sounds like a broke down Kenny Loggins. Oh, that “stone”. Was there even a note in there at all? I recognize this song (don’t remember the name) only by the guitar. And the less said about that last note, the better. Luke, you suck ass. He was bad enough to make Randy explain what he means by pitchy. Oh, that’s perfect. (Damn, now I’m on Paula’s wavelength with the Kenny Loggins thing – that’s depressing). One of the worst of the night.

Top: (Again, term used loosely)

Robbie Carrico – One is the Loneliest Number

Another fake rocker? Le sigh. Also, he looks nast-y! Where is the eye candy? If you’re not gonna be good, at least be pretty. Well, he’s got a good voice. But the bandana is killing me. Killing me. He’s also the first person with a lot of energy and who seems to realize that he’s actually giving a performance. I guess the Brit-Brit experience is paying off because girl can’t sing, but she did used to be able to put on a show. It was good. One of the best so far (not that that’s saying much). And Simon and I agree again. Like JT, Ryan? Not even on his BEST best day.

David Archuleta – Shop Around

Alright. Dammit, teeny bopper. You won me over in Hollywood, now you better deliver. OMG! He sang Irene Cara in his interview. He’s so cute! Fine, I give up David Archuleta. You got the EEEEEEE! You are a bundle of cuteness. There are some funky notes going on in his lower register though, if I’m being honest. Ugh, and it begins already. “Only 17? Yo, dawg, yo.” I cannot take a whole nother season of this.

Jason Castro – What a Day for a Daydream

Oh, no. Someone’s playing an instrument? I thought they ended that shit in Hollywood. I’m gonna be hot if these shenanigans carry on into the top 12. If I wanted to watch Rock Star, I’d be petitioning CBS to bring back Dave and the Carmen Electra wannabe. Oh. Dreadlock boy. Hmm. Well, let’s see what you’re working with. Ok, cute. Interesting voice. He’s very likeable with a nice, pleasant voice. Nice tone. He’s good. Ok, the last notes kinda petered out. But on a night of not great, pleasant looks like phenomenal.

Also, I love Danny Noriega and I thought he turned it out. Don't care what Simon thinks.

Well, the girls had better come with it tomorrow (continued...)

( continues...) night, because the boys stunk up the joint.

And since I went over anyway, let me say that David Hernandez has a nice voice but also has anti-charisma. I almost fell asleep while he was singing, and he really, really needs to get rid of the stick up his ass. The wannabe Daughtry can leave any time now. You sang Edwin McCain. You have no more cred left to you. Colton Berry continues the string of young, gay boys with pleasant drama club voices. Yawn. And Michael Johns is overrated. He was shouty and off key in several places.

Whew. Glad I got that off my chest.

Yay! I missed it, so thanks. Also, the news this morning showed Archuleta on Starsearch five years ago, when he must have been like negative-twelve years old, and I love him so much.

I think I said before, but I fell in love with Archuleta when I saw that Youtube clip of him working the hell out of "And I am Telling You" for Ms. Kelly Clarkson (she of the original EEEEEE). Ever since then, I've been a fangurl. I just know he's gonna break my heart though. 17 year old boys really just cannot hang for the length of a whole season. And since he just went into a hyperventilating, mini-giggle fest meltdown tonight and it was only the first night of Top 24, I am thinking that the competition is gonna roll over him like a freight train. He's such a wee cutie. It will be sad. I'm thinking JSIV sad. (Although Jr. Star Search may have toughened him up. I've heard Arsenio can be a bitch)

Dear kat perez,

I love you and your true reality-entertainment-teevee love. You make me try to watch American Idol.

That is all, flea.

And since he just went into a hyperventilating, mini-giggle fest meltdown tonight and it was only the first night of Top 24, I am thinking that the competition is gonna roll over him like a freight train. He's such a wee cutie.

I agree with you. He is a cutie. I think David Johns is going to stomp on him.

Dear flea,

Thank you for being my enabler. My love for all things reality teevee is a pure and holy thing and I'm glad y'all let me come and share it with you.

Love,

kat p
PS: It is tearing me apart that the CW is forcing me to choose AI over the ANTM Cycle 10 premiere tonight. Sad, sad times.

I can't believe I made plans tonight! ANTM premiere, nutty Big Brother, Project Runway renunion show -- what was I thinking? I seriously have to make sure to stay home next Wednesday.

I made plans tonight, but if I'm not home by 10, it's because I'm flirting with a boy.