Ok, y'all I feel so badly. I actually took notes on AI. And it is so not worthy, but seriously, most of these dudes were so anonymous for me that I was afraid I wouldn't remember any of them if I didn't.
General impressons: This crop of guys sucks ass. Not that this is an unusual thing for AI. But seriously, "best singers ever?" I don't think so.
And since I now have like three pages of notes on craptastic AI performances, I'm just gonna talk about my top 3 and bottom 3:
Bottom: (and really there were almost too many to limit it to just 3)
Chikezie – I Love You More Today than Yesterday
Ok, orange suit? Just, no . . . no. Also, you are flat all over the place. And what the hell song is this? Oh, this is not good. Ah, finally caught what song it was. Now it’s even worse. You have done something unrecognizably, unspeakably bad to this song. Why, why would you do that? Uh oh. Paula’s first “You look great . . . Your smile’s infectious.” That just means it’s bad. Did Simon just call him “Jacuzzi”? Cause that’s great! Eeww, and he’s mouthy. Buh-bye, Jacuzzi. Simon’s totally right.
Jason Yeager – Moon River
Singing waiter, huh? Cute kid. Am sad that he sang Oh, Mary Don’t You Weep for his audition. It is such a choral piece to me . . . does not lend itself to solo vocals. Oh no, Moon River. So, so cheesy. He doesn’t have a bad voice, but seriously, so, so cheesy. Oh god, the teeth. They scare me with their Osmond-esqe luminescence. I bet that slays at the diner, though. (As usual, Simon is right)
Luke Menard
Don’t know this dude at all. His audition sucked ass. Ok, this dude can’t sing. AT ALL. So sad to waste all that pretty. He kinda sounds like a broke down Kenny Loggins. Oh, that “stone”. Was there even a note in there at all? I recognize this song (don’t remember the name) only by the guitar. And the less said about that last note, the better. Luke, you suck ass. He was bad enough to make Randy explain what he means by pitchy. Oh, that’s perfect. (Damn, now I’m on Paula’s wavelength with the Kenny Loggins thing – that’s depressing). One of the worst of the night.
Top: (Again, term used loosely)
Robbie Carrico – One is the Loneliest Number
Another fake rocker? Le sigh. Also, he looks nast-y! Where is the eye candy? If you’re not gonna be good, at least be pretty. Well, he’s got a good voice. But the bandana is killing me. Killing me. He’s also the first person with a lot of energy and who seems to realize that he’s actually giving a performance. I guess the Brit-Brit experience is paying off because girl can’t sing, but she did used to be able to put on a show. It was good. One of the best so far (not that that’s saying much). And Simon and I agree again. Like JT, Ryan? Not even on his BEST best day.
David Archuleta – Shop Around
Alright. Dammit, teeny bopper. You won me over in Hollywood, now you better deliver. OMG! He sang Irene Cara in his interview. He’s so cute! Fine, I give up David Archuleta. You got the EEEEEEE! You are a bundle of cuteness. There are some funky notes going on in his lower register though, if I’m being honest. Ugh, and it begins already. “Only 17? Yo, dawg, yo.” I cannot take a whole nother season of this.
Jason Castro – What a Day for a Daydream
Oh, no. Someone’s playing an instrument? I thought they ended that shit in Hollywood. I’m gonna be hot if these shenanigans carry on into the top 12. If I wanted to watch Rock Star, I’d be petitioning CBS to bring back Dave and the Carmen Electra wannabe. Oh. Dreadlock boy. Hmm. Well, let’s see what you’re working with. Ok, cute. Interesting voice. He’s very likeable with a nice, pleasant voice. Nice tone. He’s good. Ok, the last notes kinda petered out. But on a night of not great, pleasant looks like phenomenal.
Also, I love Danny Noriega and I thought he turned it out. Don't care what Simon thinks.
Well, the girls had better come with it tomorrow (continued...)