"How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

LOVE.

Side note: what fresh hell is Mary's hair in Texas? I mean, I know that the bigger the hair, the closer to Gawd, but I wasn't aware that he had an affinity for poodles.

I sought to be spoiled for "The Voice." I think the results are ones I favor.

SYTYCD: Who is this blonde chick with the "saucy" winks and abbreviated movement? What the hell? I saw nothing special.

Yeah, wtf?! Came here to see if I missed something. I actually think it's the editors fucking with us, since she's so obviously Nigel's type.

I was watching SYTYCD. So many people killing me ded with the cuteness.

What happened on The Voice?

The Voice: I agree with who went home, although there are really two or three other people I'd have been equally happy to lose tonight. As others have noted, Shakira's new hair is a no-no. Oh, dear.

SYTYCD

It's dance day. Yay!! Sashay, little jazz babies.

I DVR'ed so I get to post here and pretend I'm watching it live here with all of you because Buffistas make everything more fun. Oh, and there is still a standing invitation for any LA reality TV denizens or people who happen to be in the LA area and want to watch SYTYCD at Casa Kat. The only requirements are a love of dance, hatred of NappyTab, comfort with imperious black cats and imperviousness to extremely yellow living room wall paint.

LA, Day 2

Nicholas “Slick” Stewart - Ugh, I really dislike bone breaking. Nicholas Stewart seems like a cutie, though, despite the unfortunate orange dye job. Well, let’s hope he can bring it. So sad that he moved to LA to find a safer environment. Says a lot about the BK. He probably fits in really well on the boardwalk in Venice. Well, I was glad to see he is more than just a bone breaker. The opening section was great with just the little waves and such and the glides. But . . .oooh, no, once the shirt came off it was just . . . a lot. I’m sure bone breaking is very difficult, but it is just, it’s contortionism, not dance. Very fit for a circus, but . . . how do you choreograph for that? I’m . . . ummm . . . yeah. I appreciate it? I don’t know. Off to choreo with you, sir.

Alex Kessinger – As always, I don’t care that you were abandoned as a kid. Put your dancin’ shoes on. And she’s a blond competition kid who brought along her dance mom. Ooookay. I’m trying to reserve judgement here, kiddo, but you are not making it easy. The beginning of her audition piece was just a whole lot of garbage and vamping. We got sixteen, maybe even twenty four, counts in and she still hadn’t really started dancing yet.Once she started, she had some decent technique. Nice triple turn into a plié in second. All her turns were actually super solid which is always nice to see. Good center. She’s pretty grounded, but she has awful, awful, competition studio habits. Over egging the pudding, as Nigel would say. And the fake smile and flirt with the judges face all the time was killing me. Killing me softly. Ugh, it’s just wrong. Somebody needs to break this girl down right quick. I nominate Miss Debbie Allen.

Kat, you know we will return to imperious cats and lovely yellow rooms in the future. But I'm super happy to hear your thoughts on Miss Nigel 2013 and hope you give us more! I seriously read it out loud to bob bob so we can intelligently evaluate what we saw.

Sebastian Serra – Puerto Rico. Awwww, yeah. What a gorgeous little ballet boy. My word, that first Russian split leap was everything. He’s incredibly dynamic. Although I will say that for me there’s something a little juvenile and unfinished about his work. The dynamic was shading into the frantic a little bit and I wish he’d dance through the music more. It was a little bit choppy. I don’t know much about the Orlando Ballet, but I doubt he’s a principal with the company. That said, he’s got a little something something. And no, he can’t krump, but he was a good sport about it. He has solid fundamentals. Bad fashion but solid fundamentals. Also, JTF would really like to do him, so that’s already a little gold star in my book.

Montage-o-rama: Girl in green with very shaky turns, nope. Girl in blue bra, I’d like to see more of her in Vegas. Hot latin ballroom couple is hot. Cute black tapper is cute.

Mischa and Maria – More Russians. Yesssssss. When will they catch moose and squirrel? I love their accents. Adorable. Shut it down, from the first pose. That’s what they did. Yes. These two were giving me life. I want the dress, the belt, the hair, the everything of Maria. And Mischa is just . . . mmmph. Damn. So sharp. All the little head snaps, just stop it. Look at the feet and the hands on these two. Dancing all the way through the pinkies. I can’t even. These two are amazing. They even had the b-boys in the audience hooting and hollering, what? I love how much those little dancers in the audience love seeing good dancers auditioning!

Trench coat Cat is sooo sparkly.

Contemporary Native American hoop dance? Dancing ballet en pointe in a chicken costume. Male en pointe dancing female role? Why? Joke auditions, I rebuke you.

Emilio/Milli – I believe it’s Milli as in Lil Wayne/A Milli, not Thoroughly Modern, but the fact that the Broadway show was JTF’s reference point has just endeared him to me even more. Anyway, this kid was really kind of spectacular. And luckily not at all Chbeeb-like. I was worried about that because he seriously looks like a mini-Chbeeb, but he’s a much different kind of popper, all quick hits and isolations where Chbeeb was all about the waves. I enjoyed him. I’m glad that the judges put him through to choreo because he needs to show and prove that he can do other styles and pick up quickly, but I would not be averse to seeing him again in Vegas.

McKinsey – She’s very pretty, isn’t she? Shame that she doesn’t know the difference between subject and object pronouns. Gorgeous dancer. I guess when you move like that, you can say pronouns schmonouns. This girl’s core is phenomenal. And she’s got turn out of the gods. It’s kind of sick. And she’s very musical. I thought her whole performance was quite lovely. She should do well if she can work it out on some hip hop, provided they get some choreographers capable of turning out decent hip hop routines this season which is not at all a given.

Chroeo Round – Milli-beeb was not bad at all. I’m not surprised they put him through. Slick was struggling. I’m glad that they resisted the urge to put him through. I’m also glad that he showed such grace in going home. I wanted to see that girl with all the hair. She was cute as a button.

Mischa and Maria

I loved them, but are we really supposed to believe they are 23 and 25?

Austin

I love how when Ryan does the whole “Are you ready?” countdown thing on AI, when the contestants start running into the auditorium he stands in the same spot and lets the singers part around him like the Red Sea whereas Cat does the same schtick and then breaks out because she knows that those dancers will run her ass over in their zeal to get into the auditions. They don’t play.

Sweet mother of pearl, what is Mary wearing? My eyes. Dear merciful Martha Graham, my eyes.

Still trying to figure out what Minnie Driver is doing on the panel.

Anthony/J-Freeze – Adorable baby. I am dead from all the cute. He already is a star. No doubt. And four. He’s four! J-Freeze forever!! Awwwwww. His parents seriously need to put him in dance lessons, though, because I’ve seen four year olds that would smoke him like a ham.

Haley Herbert – She had a beautiful audition and there was nothing overly sexual about any of it. I hate how they presented her in her pre-dance package. She has really solid technique. You can tell she’s been well trained. The audition piece was your typical hair flinging, Elite Senior Miss dance convention mish mash but there were just enough moments in there to let you know that with decent choreography, she could probably put in work. I’d have been with Nigel on putting her through to choreo, but everybody knew that wasn’t really what was going to happen. If she moves much further, I hope the show lays off the “I’m too sexy” storyline because it really doesn’t fit at all. So odd.

Donovan Gibbs – I’m anti sob story, but I admit that dance dads supporting their dance sons always get to me a little because it’s an uphill battle in this society for boys in dance, especially for black kids. So yay, dance dads and sons! Oh, but I still don’t care about all the lost your house had to take a bano Maria in the dance studio sink back story. Luckily, Donovan can break it the hell on down, though, so good on you parents for that one. I loved this kid. His whole LXD style, lyrical b-boy thing was a giant yes for me. We want more. We want more. Also, dad is fire. Holy moly. They should both go to Vegas.

Montage-ma-goria: Sweater ballerina, lovely. Natural hair contempo girl, captivating. Blond ponytail, dime a dozen. See also, next blond ponytail girl (in skirt this time).