Kathryn and Will/Bollywood/Nakul/Ooh La La – Will with the flute was embarrassing writhing on the ground. Please make it stop. His overacting and faces fit here, though. And he was nice and sharp. This kid can just move and Kathryn is going to turn it out no matter what she does. Look at that fool do a kick over her head. How does this big, pasty fool move like that? I just enjoy him all the time. Well, except when he’s writhing on the floor with a flute. Please don’t ever do that again. That was a fun routine. Yes, Mary. The forward ronde was a thing of beauty. She was on in her technical critiques tonight. Somebody must’ve switched her vodka for water. Guest judge is useless.

Cyrus and Jaime/Contemporary/Travis/Outro – I’m a Jaime fan, but not a Cyrus fan. I hope he can do something about that. So this was Cyrus as fork lift. He’s so hunched in the shoulders. I just wish he’d bring those down. He tried to point his toes in the one leap he had. Y’all, he didn’t so much dance in that routine. He lifted Jaime a lot and threw her around. He walked around the stage and he emoted. Guest judge continued to be completely useless here. And Nigel just had to straight up admit that Cyrus’ extension was crap and his feet were crap and that he’s not as good as the other dancers on the show and then start talking about Travis and Jaime and the other choreographers. And Mary, I hate to tell you but Peanut totally did do a Cedric on this fool. Oh my god, Jaime is wearing a straight up Playtex bra. Why, wardrobe hos? Why? Aw, fuck. Eurotrash Danny in hip hop with Misha Chan? Why does this show hate me so much?

Lauren and Chehon/Hip Hop/Dave Scott/Pretty Wings – So not real hip hop then. And oooh, Chehon. Baby. NO. Poor noodle. He looked so awkward doing this dance. Ooh, y’all, it was so bad. It was like foreign exchange student at the high school dance bad. The hair was bad. The face with the open mouth of sexiness was bad. The costumes were ridiculous. And he was so pulled up. The whole thing was just like a parody. And it wasn’t even hip hop. It was crap, NappyTab lyrical hop. Ugh. I hated it. Haaattteeedd it. Nigel’s just spouting bullshit right now. It was awful. Mary brought a little bit of the real critique. He did need to be more down in the pocket and not so pulled up, but she totally soft pedaled it. On a whole other note, was Dave Scott rocking a jheri curl? No, Dave. Say it ain’t so.

George and Allison/Jazz/Tasty/Bahamut – They paired these two and didn’t give them contemporary? And saddled them with Tasty? Criminal! I mean, it should be good anyway because they are both heaven but still . . . missed opportunity. I loved that very early the leap straight to the shoulders. So neat and elegant. Loved the prop work as well. They were tearing it up. Oh my! That side by side tour jete en l’air? Just stop it. I did agree with Nigel on George’s characterization. It wasn’t raunchy. George is such a sweetheart. He hasn’t got raunch in him, I don’t think. I still thought he murdered it from a pure technical perspective. Tore it down.

Alex Fucking Wong!! And they paired him with the ballerina. Bring it, bitches!

Eliana and Alex/Contemporary/Stacy Tookie/Bang Bang (He Shot Me Down) – No notes. No words. Sick. I want to see them dance together every week.

Audrey and Twitch/Hip Hop/Dave Scott/Sincerely, Jane – OK, Audrey did not even dance for the first several eight counts. Party foul. When she started, she wasn’t bad. In fact, she was quite good. Nice bounce. Good crisp movements. She had the groove going on when they were doing that partner work downstage. But overall, this dance got the pimp slot over Alex and Eliana why? It was not deserving.

Bottom Girls

Witney and Audrey. Huh. Who is voting for Lindsey and how can we make them stop?

Bottom Guys

Chehon and George. America is on that bullshit.

I think they’ve got to cut George loose at this point. He’s just not connecting (continued...)

( continues...) with America. But if they base it on tonight’s performances, they should send Chehon home because he was terrible in that hip hop routine. For the girls, ah! That’s tough. I gotta give it to Witney. She just has more spark. I still confuse Audrey with the other one who was dressed like a prostitute tonight.

Of course they will do solos because we have twenty minutes of show left.

Solos

Witney/You’ll Find a Way – Ballroom kids try, but it’s just not the kind of thing that you can do well solo.

Audrey/And I am Telling You I’m Not Going – What a weird choice to dance to. She learned this at Starbound. (Holla, Miss Abby!) But it’s the kind of fireworks dance that gets votes.

Chehon/Til Enda – Dressed like Edward Scissorhands. And turrning it out.

George/Brotsjor – Also murdering it. He is giving you some Ailey realness. Fierce. Did y’all see Eliana shaking that finger of fierceness? I know girl! That was smack yo mama good.

The guest group looked like they were doing a SYTYCD group number. I don’t know if that’s a good thing.

Going Home

If it was just based on tonight’s performance, I’d probably send Witney home. I was underwhelmed by her solo tonight and I don’t even remember what she and Nick danced. Still it’s criminal that either of these girls is going home before Lindsey. For the boys, I can’t even call it. Neither of these boys should go home before Cyrus. That shit is just ridonkulous. What the hell is wrong with America?

Witney stays. Well, there’s a spare Audrey, so I can see that.

Chehon stays. I can see why but dammit. This child, George, is just amazing. He’s . . . I know Miss Debbie Allen is at home cussing.

Good show, show. I do like almost all the All Stars. I’d switch Misha Chan out for Comfort and Nick out for Blake, but otherwise, good crop.

BB (so maybe only for Jesse)

How much fun is it to see Mike Boogie being totally played by Ian?

So much fun. That was a really good episonde last night.

If Boogie gets voted out tonight, is he going to the jury house? I really really want to see his reaction when he finds out.

Oh my! Jacob! Kathryn! Alex! The only thing that could have made that better was if Eleanor was on the show!

Sadly, this season isn't doing much for me. I don't have a favorite or someone I can't stand.

I'm convinced Cyrus is going to walk away the winner though. Which makes me sad.

How much fun is it to see Mike Boogie being totally played by Ian?

Super fun! Although I'm glad Dan is thisclose to selling him out, since the only reason he's getting away with it is other people protecting him.

SYTYCD: I was so bummed to see Chehon and George in the bottom, because somehow I loved Chehon this week. In my pants. George is such a little noodle in person and then he turned that shit OUT in the solo. Dag.

On the opening number, what was that shit with giving Cyrus a broom? I mean, I know he can't dance Gene Kelly, but STILL. The black man gets to be the janitor??

And yes, Natalie Portman's husband.

Yeah, guess what, this show is racist!

I'm out of step because I have only been watching clips and not those religiously, but I still love seeing the all-stars, possibly to the detriment of developing an affinity for the actual contestants.

But yeah,

Oh my! Jacob! Kathryn! Alex! The only thing that could have made that better was if Eleanor was on the show!

Totally this.

Yeah, guess what, this show is racist!

I don't know that it's racism necessarily as prejudiced against hip hop and other forms of unchoreographed dance, i.e. dance without rules. They like their rules and things to judge "objectively" on.

Of course, it so happens that the vast majority of hip hoppers are of color.

But the BROOM.