I think the biggest asshole is whoever made the voicemail public, unless it was the kid herself, in which case, her parents have done a good job of screwing her up too.

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I think the biggest asshole is whoever made the voicemail public,

YES. Especially since the divorce is a sealed proceeding.

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To me, the startling part was the actual word "pig". How much of a big deal would this be if he had used "brat" instead

This was exactly my reaction. I just can't imagine calling someone you love, especially your child, a "pig". I guess I can't imagine name calling in general from a parent to a child, but the choice of the word pig really pinged me.

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I'm betwixt and between on verbal abuse. I have no doubt that there's such a thing, but I'm not sure where the line is between a wrong step and abuse.

I'm not really objective on this topic, because Baldwin's rant is uncannily similar to how my mom communicated with me when I was the same age as Baldwin's daughter.

It's simply not acceptable to insult your child in that manner. Ever.

Is it verbal abuse? I don't know what the definition is that makes something cross the line from "rude" to "verbal abuse." But it doesn't have to fit the definition for "verbal abuse" to be absolutely unacceptable.

To state the obvious, parents are responsible for facilitating, as much as possible, the healthy growth and development of their children -- physically, mentally, and emotionally. Hurling nasty insults at one's child over a minor infraction seems, to me, to not really facilitate any kind of healthy growth whatsoever.

t edit Heh. My post plus the previous 2 posts are the Buffista Steph trifecta!

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[link]

Early verbal abuse may reduce language ability

Brain scans of people who were verbally abused as children showed that they have 10% less grey matter in the part of their brains involved in language, compared with non-abused adults.

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Steph found the verb I didn't even know I was looking for--insult.

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I do think parents' poorly chosen words can really cause a rift between them and their children without having to cross the line into abuse. My dad has bemoaned the fact that we're not as close as Mom and I are, but the fact is when I was a pre-teen he had a rotten—and worse, random—temper and I never knew what might set him off. He mellowed tremendously once I was a teenager (whether directly due to his brain surgery or as a result of the character-building that the paralysis forced him to undergo), but there's a certain amount of trust and comfort that you can never earn back once it's lost.

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To me, the startling part was the actual word "pig". How much of a big deal would this be if he had used "brat" instead.

Vortex, I was just thinking this when I was in the shower.

My parents had no qualms about saying, "That was incredibly selfish," which seems not an insult, just a judgmental statement of their perspective. And I know that being called a "selfish brat" wouldn't have turned my head. But pig... that's on the line, if not across it.

Tom, interesting links! It's amazing to think that it's about neural pathways being established or blocked. But it makes sense with lots of the learning theory that is out there.

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It is true that I don't actually tell my mom anything, due to the random temper explosions, so that is a good point, Matt. I guess it is just that there is little context to the Alec Baldwin thing. He could have been pushed to the breaking point, he could be a gigantic jackhole, who know, because all we hear is him yelling. And, if this was an isolated incident, I think that the surrounding publicity will scar the daughter more than the yelling.

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And, if this was an isolated incident, I think that the surrounding publicity will scar the daughter more than the yelling.

This is the thing. This could be indicative of his usual behavior, or one of his low moments as a parent. Few parents would ever come off as even fit to have a child, if their low moments were taped and made public. I have no way of knowing what kind of parent he is overall.

"Pig" pinged me big time, but I think I would have also been pinged by "brat" (although admittedly somewhat less so) because he ranted so hard and long at a kid, when what he really should have done is called his lawyer and said, "I'm still not getting my court-ordered phone time with my kid."

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