I'm betwixt and between on verbal abuse. I have no doubt that there's such a thing, but I'm not sure where the line is between a wrong step and abuse.

I'm not really objective on this topic, because Baldwin's rant is uncannily similar to how my mom communicated with me when I was the same age as Baldwin's daughter.

It's simply not acceptable to insult your child in that manner. Ever.

Is it verbal abuse? I don't know what the definition is that makes something cross the line from "rude" to "verbal abuse." But it doesn't have to fit the definition for "verbal abuse" to be absolutely unacceptable.

To state the obvious, parents are responsible for facilitating, as much as possible, the healthy growth and development of their children -- physically, mentally, and emotionally. Hurling nasty insults at one's child over a minor infraction seems, to me, to not really facilitate any kind of healthy growth whatsoever.

t edit Heh. My post plus the previous 2 posts are the Buffista Steph trifecta!

---

[link]

Early verbal abuse may reduce language ability

Brain scans of people who were verbally abused as children showed that they have 10% less grey matter in the part of their brains involved in language, compared with non-abused adults.

---

Steph found the verb I didn't even know I was looking for--insult.

---

I do think parents' poorly chosen words can really cause a rift between them and their children without having to cross the line into abuse. My dad has bemoaned the fact that we're not as close as Mom and I are, but the fact is when I was a pre-teen he had a rotten—and worse, random—temper and I never knew what might set him off. He mellowed tremendously once I was a teenager (whether directly due to his brain surgery or as a result of the character-building that the paralysis forced him to undergo), but there's a certain amount of trust and comfort that you can never earn back once it's lost.

---

To me, the startling part was the actual word "pig". How much of a big deal would this be if he had used "brat" instead.

Vortex, I was just thinking this when I was in the shower.

My parents had no qualms about saying, "That was incredibly selfish," which seems not an insult, just a judgmental statement of their perspective. And I know that being called a "selfish brat" wouldn't have turned my head. But pig... that's on the line, if not across it.

Tom, interesting links! It's amazing to think that it's about neural pathways being established or blocked. But it makes sense with lots of the learning theory that is out there.

---

It is true that I don't actually tell my mom anything, due to the random temper explosions, so that is a good point, Matt. I guess it is just that there is little context to the Alec Baldwin thing. He could have been pushed to the breaking point, he could be a gigantic jackhole, who know, because all we hear is him yelling. And, if this was an isolated incident, I think that the surrounding publicity will scar the daughter more than the yelling.

---

And, if this was an isolated incident, I think that the surrounding publicity will scar the daughter more than the yelling.

This is the thing. This could be indicative of his usual behavior, or one of his low moments as a parent. Few parents would ever come off as even fit to have a child, if their low moments were taped and made public. I have no way of knowing what kind of parent he is overall.

"Pig" pinged me big time, but I think I would have also been pinged by "brat" (although admittedly somewhat less so) because he ranted so hard and long at a kid, when what he really should have done is called his lawyer and said, "I'm still not getting my court-ordered phone time with my kid."

---

It could be the case where Baldwin had been on the set all day, where you can't carry a cellphone because of the sound situation, and had to take breaks back to his dressing room to get to a phone. Not that it excuses him much, but that might be a factor to make it a bit more frustrating.

FWIW, the biggest complaint the Bounty mutineers had with Captain Bligh was actually his verbal abuse more than corporal punishment. Even the sailors, used to a certain level of 'salty' vocabulary, found him foul-mouthed and abusive

---

because he ranted so hard and long at a kid

This is the part that got to me. He kept on ranting, repeating himself long after he got his point across.

---

if this was an isolated incident

Seriously, a rant like that is never an isolated incident. It's too long and vitriolic. He keeps repeating certain things, like how she "humiliated" him -- that is, how his *11-year-old daughter* humiliated him by NOT ANSWERING THE PHONE.

It seems to me that an isolated incident wouldn't be a long rant, because a long rant says to me that all of that anger and nastiness has been percolating in what passes for Alec Baldwin's brain for some time.

Here's the transcript of the full message: [link]

"I'm tired of playing this game with you. I'm leaving this message with you to tell you you have insulted me for the last time. You have insulted me. You don't have the brains or the decency as a human being. I don't give a damn that you're 12 years old, or 11 years old, or that you're a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn't care about what you do as far as I'm concerned. You have humiliated me for the last time with this phone."

"You've made me feel like s--- and you've made me feel like a fool over and over and over again."

Okay, SERIOUSLY. How on EARTH can an 11-year-old child *humiliate* a parent by the simple -- yes, thoughtless -- act of not answering the goddamn phone?

---