sj, I think this calls either for a call you make or a snail mail letter. Something to the effect of, "I love you to pieces and am always glad to hear from you, but I'm feeling upset about the nature of our conversations lately and wanted to talk with you so we can work this out. I feel like most of the calls you've been making to me don't give me a chance to really share what's going on in my life. You've had a lot to deal with, and you know I want to help, but I really need support from you as well. I miss being able to talk about the ups and downs of my life. I believe that you care about me and what's happening in my life, but our conversations often leave me feeling like you don't. I don't want to lose your friendship, but I also don't want to continue feeling this way. Can we talk about this and find a way to solve it?" Etc.

Hmm, try not saying anything when she picks up the phone. She'll say "hi, it's ___" and you shouldn't say anything. When she says "hello?" , then try it.

sj, I agree that snail mail is probably the way to go at this point. I'm sorry, though. That's no fun.

I'm still at school. Stayed and talked to a prof after class, then realized I was starving. So, I've got a sandwich, my computer, and now I'm avoiding going home, 'cause I know how much work is waiting for me. As soon as I finish eating...really...

she says as she eats slower than a turtle

I've been trying to do that, but I think she may have turned into a vampire since she moved, since she apparently doesn't need to breathe in between sentences.

sj, I so feel your pain. A good friend moved to the other coast recently. Now, I know that transition can be tough, but it seems, since then as if her life has become a holy rain of toads...every conversation is a psychic drain.

Caller id has become my friend, yo. I don't call back until I have time to be bummed, or I have laundry to fold so that I can 'uh huh, oh my, jeeeeeez,' while multitasking.

I wish I thought talking to her about my concerns would make a difference. Instead, I'm opting for riding it out and, if necessary, letting the friendship fade away. Normally I'm all about the clear communication, but in this case it would surely be an uncomfortably wasted effort.

Good luck to you though!

Snail mail is a good option, because it will be unexpected and shows that there has been real thought. An email can seem slapdash.

I went through something similar recently, and while I don't feel so great about it, I just didn't have the mental energy to deal with being dumped on via the phone for hours at a time regarding the same problems over and over again.

That's it.

Not as if I haven't been supportive in the past, or her of me...it just seems that something has broken in her ability to be optimistic or even crawl out of the way of the oncoming train.

Worse still, I get these frightening messages about her child (who's birth I witnessed) that later are explained away with amorphous, non-medical lalalas that make me nuts. Soooo, he doesn't have diabetes after all, oh, so it isn't actually an ulcer in his throat...

My worry-o-meter has been spiked so many times in the last two months, I think it may be broken.

What is the simplest, most loving way to say that a friendship is over? Is it even necessary/desirable to make any such statement?

it just seems that something has broken in her ability to be optimistic or even crawl out of the way of the oncoming train.

Yeah.

Honestly, in my case, she dumped me brutally and nastily which was painful, but probably for the best. (which kills me to admit, because that was her stated reason for doing it in the first place) (although I think there was more passive aggressiveness involved)

So I don't know from loving in this case. It hurt like hell, and then it was done.

Although, she's back in town and is making overtures to hang out which I, while wishing to be friendly and civil, am dreading.

What is the simplest, most loving way to say that a friendship is over? Is it even necessary/desirable to make any such statement?

I think it depends on why the friendship is over.

I'm sorry your friend is being so self-absorbed, sj.