What is the simplest, most loving way to say that a friendship is over? Is it even necessary/desirable to make any such statement?

I think it depends on why the friendship is over.

I'm sorry your friend is being so self-absorbed, sj.

What is the simplest, most loving way to say that a friendship is over? Is it even necessary/desirable to make any such statement?

Unless somebody has committed a huge breach of trust, I'd just withdraw contact from the relationship. I can't imagine a positive outcome for the other party coming from telling them that you don't want to be friends anymore. Sometimes a little confusion is better than a lot of extremely harsh rejection. And for the most part I prefer to be direct with people, but without a breach of trust it seems unkind to make that statement.

Sometimes a little confusion is better than a lot of extremely harsh rejection. And for the most part I prefer to be direct with people, but without a breach of trust it seems unkind to make that statement.

I certainly agree with that, but I am biased.

Sigh.

Although, she's back in town and is making overtures to hang out which I, while wishing to be friendly and civil, am dreading

You don't have to hang out. A polite "No thanks." is still friendly and civil. Well perhaps not friendly, but at least not unkind.

Oh my. My response, after such a hurt, would be to not hang out at all.

In truth, I look at the kind of rejection you experienced as a favor. Which, of course, doesn't lessen the pain, but lordy...if someone is so hurtful or unable to communicate well, then I'd rather be shut of them.

It's harder when there is a lot of history stacked up. In this current case, the husband is a long-term friend of mine but the wife and I grew even closer over the years.

I love our memories and I surely have put myself out there in helping them, but the last year or so has just been icky. Not fun or enriching at all.

In any case, I'm sorry for your discomfort...I surely get it.

I can't imagine a positive outcome for the other party coming from telling them that you don't want to be friends anymore.

This is my thinking, but I'd be open to an alternative.

Anything I can think of fails 2 of 3 in the 'is it kind, is it true, is it necessary' test.

Eeeeeeeee! I just sent my husband a sexy love note! From work! I feel 16! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Go you!

Holy shit. I got into that tutoring seminar.

Now I have to decide if I'm going to take it. I'm e-mailing the professor to see if I can meet with her to ask her some questions, before I make my final decision.

Break things off obviously and cleanly, though, don't wait for her to take the hint. And do it sooner than later. Have an answer you can defend if she asks why and wants to know if there's a way to fix things. And if there isn't a way, say so. Yes, it means you've got to deal with angst and hurt feelings, but as the person who was supposed to have gotten the hint that my company was no longer desired, it's kinder.