I went through something similar recently, and while I don't feel so great about it, I just didn't have the mental energy to deal with being dumped on via the phone for hours at a time regarding the same problems over and over again.

That's it.

Not as if I haven't been supportive in the past, or her of me...it just seems that something has broken in her ability to be optimistic or even crawl out of the way of the oncoming train.

Worse still, I get these frightening messages about her child (who's birth I witnessed) that later are explained away with amorphous, non-medical lalalas that make me nuts. Soooo, he doesn't have diabetes after all, oh, so it isn't actually an ulcer in his throat...

My worry-o-meter has been spiked so many times in the last two months, I think it may be broken.

What is the simplest, most loving way to say that a friendship is over? Is it even necessary/desirable to make any such statement?

it just seems that something has broken in her ability to be optimistic or even crawl out of the way of the oncoming train.

Yeah.

Honestly, in my case, she dumped me brutally and nastily which was painful, but probably for the best. (which kills me to admit, because that was her stated reason for doing it in the first place) (although I think there was more passive aggressiveness involved)

So I don't know from loving in this case. It hurt like hell, and then it was done.

Although, she's back in town and is making overtures to hang out which I, while wishing to be friendly and civil, am dreading.

What is the simplest, most loving way to say that a friendship is over? Is it even necessary/desirable to make any such statement?

I think it depends on why the friendship is over.

I'm sorry your friend is being so self-absorbed, sj.

What is the simplest, most loving way to say that a friendship is over? Is it even necessary/desirable to make any such statement?

Unless somebody has committed a huge breach of trust, I'd just withdraw contact from the relationship. I can't imagine a positive outcome for the other party coming from telling them that you don't want to be friends anymore. Sometimes a little confusion is better than a lot of extremely harsh rejection. And for the most part I prefer to be direct with people, but without a breach of trust it seems unkind to make that statement.

Sometimes a little confusion is better than a lot of extremely harsh rejection. And for the most part I prefer to be direct with people, but without a breach of trust it seems unkind to make that statement.

I certainly agree with that, but I am biased.

Sigh.

Although, she's back in town and is making overtures to hang out which I, while wishing to be friendly and civil, am dreading

You don't have to hang out. A polite "No thanks." is still friendly and civil. Well perhaps not friendly, but at least not unkind.

Oh my. My response, after such a hurt, would be to not hang out at all.

In truth, I look at the kind of rejection you experienced as a favor. Which, of course, doesn't lessen the pain, but lordy...if someone is so hurtful or unable to communicate well, then I'd rather be shut of them.

It's harder when there is a lot of history stacked up. In this current case, the husband is a long-term friend of mine but the wife and I grew even closer over the years.

I love our memories and I surely have put myself out there in helping them, but the last year or so has just been icky. Not fun or enriching at all.

In any case, I'm sorry for your discomfort...I surely get it.

I can't imagine a positive outcome for the other party coming from telling them that you don't want to be friends anymore.

This is my thinking, but I'd be open to an alternative.

Anything I can think of fails 2 of 3 in the 'is it kind, is it true, is it necessary' test.