Next time she calls, wait for a break in the conversation, and then say "oh, I'm great!" (as if she's asked) and then proceed to tell her what's going on with you (make something up if there's nothing going on at the moment) and when she says something, say pointedly "I thought that you'd want to know what was going on with me, since we haven't talked about me in ages" It's a little passive aggressive, but if she was just being a little self absorbed, it will snap her out of it.

Next time she calls, wait for a break in the conversation, and then say "oh, I'm great!" (as if she's asked) and then proceed to tell her what's going on with you (make something up if there's nothing going on at the moment) and when she says something, say pointedly "I thought that you'd want to know what was going on with me, since we haven't talked about me in ages" It's a little passive aggressive, but if she was just being a little self absorbed, it will snap her out of it.

I've been trying to do that, but I think she may have turned into a vampire since she moved, since she apparently doesn't need to breathe in between sentences.

sj, I think Nora, et. al. are correct -- you have to tell her how you feel. I think the trick will be telling her when you're not feeling your most hurt. Instead of saying, "You're never there for me anymore because you don't do this or that" you need to say, "I need you to be there for me and these are the ways you can do that."

I have a meeting in 10 minutes that I really don't want to go to. Not because it will be miserable, but because I'm so sleepy I'm scared of embarrassing myself by snoring.

Thanks. It looks like I'll be writing a letter, because I'll be able to say what I want to say and not be interupted or let myself get over emotional.

Sparky, good luck with the meeting. Can you get yourself a coffee before it starts?

sj, I think this calls either for a call you make or a snail mail letter. Something to the effect of, "I love you to pieces and am always glad to hear from you, but I'm feeling upset about the nature of our conversations lately and wanted to talk with you so we can work this out. I feel like most of the calls you've been making to me don't give me a chance to really share what's going on in my life. You've had a lot to deal with, and you know I want to help, but I really need support from you as well. I miss being able to talk about the ups and downs of my life. I believe that you care about me and what's happening in my life, but our conversations often leave me feeling like you don't. I don't want to lose your friendship, but I also don't want to continue feeling this way. Can we talk about this and find a way to solve it?" Etc.

Hmm, try not saying anything when she picks up the phone. She'll say "hi, it's ___" and you shouldn't say anything. When she says "hello?" , then try it.

sj, I agree that snail mail is probably the way to go at this point. I'm sorry, though. That's no fun.

I'm still at school. Stayed and talked to a prof after class, then realized I was starving. So, I've got a sandwich, my computer, and now I'm avoiding going home, 'cause I know how much work is waiting for me. As soon as I finish eating...really...

she says as she eats slower than a turtle

I've been trying to do that, but I think she may have turned into a vampire since she moved, since she apparently doesn't need to breathe in between sentences.

sj, I so feel your pain. A good friend moved to the other coast recently. Now, I know that transition can be tough, but it seems, since then as if her life has become a holy rain of toads...every conversation is a psychic drain.

Caller id has become my friend, yo. I don't call back until I have time to be bummed, or I have laundry to fold so that I can 'uh huh, oh my, jeeeeeez,' while multitasking.

I wish I thought talking to her about my concerns would make a difference. Instead, I'm opting for riding it out and, if necessary, letting the friendship fade away. Normally I'm all about the clear communication, but in this case it would surely be an uncomfortably wasted effort.

Good luck to you though!

Snail mail is a good option, because it will be unexpected and shows that there has been real thought. An email can seem slapdash.

I went through something similar recently, and while I don't feel so great about it, I just didn't have the mental energy to deal with being dumped on via the phone for hours at a time regarding the same problems over and over again.