My friend T just called, the one that moved away last year. She's driving me nuts. Since she moved, she doesn't return my e-mails or phone calls, but she calls me whenever she has a problem, bitches about her problem, and then quickly says she has to go without even asking me how my life is going. I have no idea what to do about it. I'm not planning on throwing away a twenty plus year friendship, but I don't know a nice way of saying, "You're being an asshole."

---

You could send her an email or letter explaining why her behavior is hurting you. I'm sure if she knew, she'd be able to redirect herself to be less asshole-y.

---

Shoes for Aimee.

---

I should, Nora. I just don't know how to say it without a lot of bitter and angry getting in and possibly making things worse. I know that long distance friendships are difficult, but I didn't think it would be this hard to communicate, since we have been friends this long. I was hoping we could use the internet to communicate more, but she doesn't seem interested, which granted is totally up to her. TCG has started calling our conversations 50 minute hours, because it's been like I'm her therapist.

---

Long-overdue meara:

Yes, we signed it. However, we're not celebrating until the landlord has signed it and accepted all our terms, which will hopefully be in the next week. Thanks for asking. I forgot to mention it.

YAY sj on lease-signing!

L came in today and apparently she has to start chemo again on Friday. Her doc is not putting her back on disability, hoping she can still work part time through this. She is struggling enough with the work as it is - I'm full of dread. Both for her health and for the work. That rock in my stomach just got 10 times heavier and I'm not the one who has cancer.

Suzi, I’m so sorry. I know that you aren’t the one with cancer, but you’re being very affected by it. Hang in there. I wish I could offer more, but I’m thinking of you.

Sorry to spam, but could I get some feedback on my revised book cover?

I know that it isn’t what you were hoping for, but I really do like it.

So, much like Kristin, I need some hairpats. Or sympathy clucking. Probably some booze.

SA, I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this stress with your mom. Everyone has already given so much good advice that I don’t think I can add much, but I will say that getting as much financial independence from your parents as soon as possible after college will drastically improve your relationship with them. I hope you find a way to make this work.

The two things I can say are - Don't use your overdraft if you can help it. It costs too much. Also get mom out of the loop, you are causing her worry and you extra agitation. She is going to continue to worry and give you unwanted advice as long as she has some control over your money

In other words, what beth said.

Also - you have a hamster! Cool! Be a better Hamster Mom than me. I suck at Hamster care. (But the cat's managed 3 years and counting, so it's not all bad in the world of Fay The Petslayer.)

Hee! Yes, what Fay said. Not with the hamster care, since I haven’t done that since the weekend I brought the class pet home with me in second grade, but YAY on having a new pet!

I have net banking, but I think they're still required to send paper statements.

Nope! You can do it ALL online. Huzzah for online banking!
Signed,
Still Uses Credit Union in Connecticut

I know I'm all this guy loves carrots and I will shut up after this.

No shutting up! Go Team Askye! We want to hear all about your adventures with The Guy!

I had another interview this morning for a job that I really want

Good luck, ChiKat!

It wasn't until I got back upstairs and into bed that I was WEARING MY UNDERWEAR!! AND THAT'S IT!

t makes plans to move to Michigan

There were thunderstorms here this morning!! Funny how something that terrifies Ollie and Em made me grin from ear to ear when I woke up to that low, rumbling sound and the flash of lightning.

I so hear you! I miss thunderstorms more than anything else out here.

hope springs eternal ... as do the boobs

Bwah! Ah, the essence of a Buffista F2F…

I'm home for the third day this week. Stupid cold or allergies...I don't know which. I just know I feel awful. Actually, I feel okay right now but sinuses so owie. And I feel gross.

However, I put on my new suit and went for a job interview yesterday at my friend's company. I think it went okay

Sorry you're sick, lisah, but much job~ma to you!

My friend T just called, the one that moved away last year. She's driving me nuts. Since she moved, she doesn't return my e-mails or phone calls, but she calls me whenever she has a problem, bitches about her problem, and then quickly says she has to go without even asking me how my life is going. I have no idea what to do about it. I'm not planning on throwing away a twenty plus year friendship, but I don't know a nice way of saying, "You're being an asshole."

Oh, sj, I'm so sorry. That's such a tough position to be in. I would say gently explaining how you are feeling is a place to start. If she values you and your friendship, she will hear you and try to make more of an effort.

Okay…am I caught up now? Kinda?

---

Next time she calls, wait for a break in the conversation, and then say "oh, I'm great!" (as if she's asked) and then proceed to tell her what's going on with you (make something up if there's nothing going on at the moment) and when she says something, say pointedly "I thought that you'd want to know what was going on with me, since we haven't talked about me in ages" It's a little passive aggressive, but if she was just being a little self absorbed, it will snap her out of it.

---

Next time she calls, wait for a break in the conversation, and then say "oh, I'm great!" (as if she's asked) and then proceed to tell her what's going on with you (make something up if there's nothing going on at the moment) and when she says something, say pointedly "I thought that you'd want to know what was going on with me, since we haven't talked about me in ages" It's a little passive aggressive, but if she was just being a little self absorbed, it will snap her out of it.

I've been trying to do that, but I think she may have turned into a vampire since she moved, since she apparently doesn't need to breathe in between sentences.

---

sj, I think Nora, et. al. are correct -- you have to tell her how you feel. I think the trick will be telling her when you're not feeling your most hurt. Instead of saying, "You're never there for me anymore because you don't do this or that" you need to say, "I need you to be there for me and these are the ways you can do that."

I have a meeting in 10 minutes that I really don't want to go to. Not because it will be miserable, but because I'm so sleepy I'm scared of embarrassing myself by snoring.

---

Thanks. It looks like I'll be writing a letter, because I'll be able to say what I want to say and not be interupted or let myself get over emotional.

Sparky, good luck with the meeting. Can you get yourself a coffee before it starts?

---

sj, I think this calls either for a call you make or a snail mail letter. Something to the effect of, "I love you to pieces and am always glad to hear from you, but I'm feeling upset about the nature of our conversations lately and wanted to talk with you so we can work this out. I feel like most of the calls you've been making to me don't give me a chance to really share what's going on in my life. You've had a lot to deal with, and you know I want to help, but I really need support from you as well. I miss being able to talk about the ups and downs of my life. I believe that you care about me and what's happening in my life, but our conversations often leave me feeling like you don't. I don't want to lose your friendship, but I also don't want to continue feeling this way. Can we talk about this and find a way to solve it?" Etc.

---