Sometimes that's like the reset button.

I like this one:

Customer: "..."

Me: "Are you there?"

Customer: "Yeah, just...3-4 days?"

Me: "Yep."

Customer: "..."

Me: "Is there anything *else* I can help you with?"

Customer: "I guess not..."

Me: "Thank you for calling [company]. Have a nice day."

Stressing the "else" tells them clearly that "Original subject is closed. Would you like to move on or hang up? Because those are the only two options you have left." 9 times out of 10 they just mumble sullenly and hang up.

In a job I had years ago, I was support staff and answered the phones. There were a couple of people who would call and insist on speaking to so-and-so immediately. They wouldn't understand that the person wasn't in the office, wasn't immediately reachable, and so no, they COULDN'T talk to them immediately. I'd get long tirades about how they HAD to speak to them right now and WHY couldn't they (this was before cell phones). Drove me crazy ... crazier.

I used to get that, too, Toddson. My response inevitably boiled down to "Because it is physically impossible for me to put you through to them. I am actually not able to do it for reasons involving not being able to bend space/time to my will."

Then when they'd ask for cell numbers I'd respond: "I'm not at liberty to give those out."

If a tirade followed that I'd ask them for their cell number. When they said "I don't want to give that to you" I'd just sit on the phone silently and do other work waiting for the penny to drop.

So far it has been a very good birthday. Chocolate cake for breakfast at the cafe. then a trip to the local garden center for new garden gloves and plants for the little area next to the steps. My big plans for the day include reading, dvds and planting the new plants. no cleaning, or major work of any sort. maybe a walk. In other words, a day off.

I just had the exact opposite kind of call, the Chatty Cathy who is so burbling with wordswordswords and full of all sorts of gossipy tidbits about the issue s/he's calling about (except, say, the actual information that would allow you to do your fucking job) that it takes a good 5-10 minutes to hack through the language thicket and figure out (a) what s/he's calling about and (b) why s/he's calling you about it.

"La la la I'm a public health nurse calling about a little baby your doctor saw here a few weeks ago at the local hospital, la la la also followed by Dr. So-and-So, and we have concerns about --"

"What's the child's name?"

"--Concerns about the family situation, la la la, the mom, Janie, is only 15 years old and her birthdate is XX-XX-XX and so we had concerns about --"

"She's not in our database."

"Oh, no, she's never been seen. It's her baby!"

"WHAT. IS. THE. BABY'S. NAME."

"La la la Namecakes!"

"He's not in our database either. Do you have a birthdate?"

"Oh, his birthdate? It's XX-XX-XX."

"We have a La la la Othernamecakes with that birthdate in our database."

"Oh, yes, of course, the mommy and daddy have different last names and that's the daddy's name, yes. He's older than the mommy, and --"

"WHAT. DO. YOU. NEED."

"...Oh! Can I talk to your doctor?"

It's one thing to deal with a group of Buffistas or grad students or whatnot and feel like you've spent the last hour herding cats, but when you feel that way after a five-minute conversation with just one person? That's a gift. A gift of evil, but a gift.

In a job I had years ago, I was support staff and answered the phones. There were a couple of people who would call and insist on speaking to so-and-so immediately. They wouldn't understand that the person wasn't in the office, wasn't immediately reachable, and so no, they COULDN'T talk to them immediately. I'd get long tirades about how they HAD to speak to them right now and WHY couldn't they (this was before cell phones). Drove me crazy ... crazier.

All. The. Time.

"May I speak with [Coworker] please?"
transfers call

2 minutes later

"[Coworker] didn't answer!"
"Ok."
"..."

What would I call it? "No, Really, You Are An Asshole: Why Customer Service Reps Hate You. Hate You, Personally. Yes, YOU, Jackass!"

awesome.

I really want to program an ass-elbow recognition test. If you cannot pass, you cannot touch any system, or child, that I care about and/or am responsible for.

What would I call it? "No, Really, You Are An Asshole: Why Customer Service Reps Hate You. Hate You, Personally. Yes, YOU, Jackass!"

I would have to buy a gazillion copies and give them to people like my dad and my pseudo-sibling.

I, on the other hand, am considering taking up cross-stitch solely so I can create an embroidered sampler to hang in my office: "Read the style guide!" I'd be the envy of all the other editors.

totally, Jilli - I'm with you - but which style guide?? Chicago? Godforsaken GPO?

for the software side, I will join you in embroidery. A beautiful sampler with a large, red, sans-serif RTFM! spang in the center.