Spike's Bitches 35: We Got a History
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Customer: "If I fax over a PO now for [product], how soon can you get it out?"
Me: "3 - 4 business days."
Customer: "Really?"
Me: "Yes, really."
Customer: "..."
Me: "..."
Customer: "..."
Me: "..." (accompanied by going back to stapling, so "chk-chak...chk-chak" in the background)
Customer: "...that long?"
Me: "Yes". (chk-chak...chk-chak)
Customer: "..."
Me: "..." (chk-chak)
Customer: "Why?"
Me: "Because that's our lead time."
Customer: "..."
Me: "..." (chk-chak)
Customer: "..."
Me: "..." (chk-chak)
Customer: "So, 3-4 business days?"
Me: "Yep. Still."
Customer: "...okay, bye."
Like everytime Customer went "..." I was supposed to offer a magical new solution. "Well, now that you've waited patiently for two whole minutes while I did other work, I will offer the combination 'Time Machine/Delivery by Pegasus' method, wherein we anticipate your order by 3-4 business days and then a magical winged horse will alight upon your rooftop bearing your order wrapped in a golden bow accompanied by a heavenly chorus." "Golly, thank you Customer Service Rep! You are a godsend!"
Fuck these people.
Ha! I love that! The expectant pause. Like we'll get so uncomfortable by their silence we'll give them what they want.
Nope, dude. I've got shit to do.
ETA: Earlier I had a guy call about making an appointment. We have specific steps to follow before you can get an appointment. He wanted me to go ahead and schedule him even though he hadn't followed the first 2 steps.
When I expalined to him he needed to do those 2 things first, he actually said, "I'm not trying to skip ahead here, believe me."
But you are! You totally are! You may think you're justified in doing so, but you're still trying to skip ahead!
Ha! I love that! The expectant pause. Like we'll get so uncomfortable by their silence we'll give them what they want.
Nope, dude. I've got shit to do.
Exactly. They apparently haven't thought through the Customer Service Rep mindset which says: "Hey, you're an asshole, but you're a quiet asshole. While I'm dealing with you sitting there being passive-aggressive, I'm *not* dealing with a screaming fuckwit with poor grammar. So you can hang forever, if you want...it will neither bother me nor change the situation."
La la la...
Like everytime Customer went "..." I was supposed to offer a magical new solution.
Hah, you should have said, "Are you there?"
I had one like that this morning:
"I'm sorry, sir, your configuration is not supported."
"But it's worked before! We just need to find the bit we need to change, and it will work again!"
"I can't help you, sir, what you've set up is not supported."
"We bought your program, you better make it work! Get me a supervisor!"
(check with supervisor, super snickers and says he doesn't talk to people with unsupported configurations, and, yes, I'm right, it's not supported)
"My supervisor cannot talk to you until your system is in a supported configuration."
Much sputtering. As of we'd change our support parameters just because they cobbled it together before.
"Hey, you're an asshole, but you're a quiet asshole. While I'm dealing with you sitting there being passive-aggressive, I'm *not* dealing with a screaming fuckwit with poor grammar. So you can hang forever, if you want...it will neither bother me nor change the situation."
Wrod!
I wanna call and order something from MM's company and ask for Pegasus delivery.
They apparently haven't thought through the Customer Service Rep mindset which says: "Hey, you're an asshole, but you're a quiet asshole. While I'm dealing with you sitting there being passive-aggressive, I'm *not* dealing with a screaming fuckwit with poor grammar. So you can hang forever, if you want...it will neither bother me nor change the situation
You're keeping a journal, no? 'Cause you can get a book out of this material.
You're keeping a journal, no? 'Cause you can get a book out of this material.
Huh. Never thought of that.
What would I call it? "No, Really, You Are An Asshole: Why Customer Service Reps Hate You. Hate You, Personally. Yes, YOU, Jackass!"
Hah, you should have said, "Are you there?"
Sometimes that's like the reset button.
"..."
"Are you there?"
"Yeah. Just...3-4 days?"
"yeah"
"..."
"Are you there?"
"Yeah, Just...3-4 days?"
"Yeah."
"..."
Sometimes that's like the reset button.
Good point. Fortunately on my chat system I can put "You have not responded in 5 minutes, please respond."
