Tons of ~ma to your mother, AmyLiz.

Poor Ellie and family. I'm glad your MiL is better, Laura, and ~ma to your mother, AmyLiz.

Has anyone ever been involved in an intervention? A bunch of us are trying to put together something of the sort for a friend. He drinks to excess every time he goes out, not just occasionally. He's hurt himself badly twice in the last six months, and we suspect lack of sobriety was involved. He's started missing work. He's the drunk yelling at the performers during a show. (He's telling them how great they are, but it still doesn't improve the concert experience for anyone else.) The really nice guy he shares a house with is about to throw him for nonpayment. Any suggestion that he has, perhaps, had enough tequila is met with extreme anger. I know this sounds like a guy one should run away from, but most of us have been friends with him for 15-20 years, and this behavior started perhaps three years ago and has been slowly getting worse.

Any suggestions? Reading material?

I so wish it hadn't come to this.

Oh, Ginger, that's such a rough situation. I think it's totally worth it for you all to at least try to let him know you're concerned and want to help. Whether he can let you do that or not is, of course, up to him.

I've never been involved in one personally, but I bet there's tons of literature out there. Maybe try the Alanon website?

Maybe try the Alanon website?

That's what I'd suggest.

I'd also suggest writing what you want to say, and prefacing the reading of it by saying that you don't want to be interrupted...no comments till you've gotten it all out.

I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this. I know it's not fun. It's really hard.

Ginger, that's rough. You're good people, all of you, for trying.

Actually, I guess I have done it before, Ginger, but it was just Stephen and I dealing with a friend who had moved in with us (she had been evicted and OD'd, and had nowhere to go when the hospital released her).

I guess it didn't occur to me that it was an intervention, since I thought of it more as setting ground rules for behavior while she lived with us (i.e. not smoking inside and setting the bed on fire, not smoking pot on the patio while my kids were home, etc.) It worked sort of the same way, though -- we told her, "Here's what you need to do for us to be comfortable with you staying with us. Here's what we're willing to do to help you get back on your feet. If you can't agree to it, you're going to have to leave." Unfortunately, she did leave.

I think part of it is having kind of a plan in place, and sticking to your word about how you'll help him, and what will happen if he doesn't seek help.

I haven't done it myself. Your friend is fortunate to have loving friends that are considering an intervention. Most stuff says consult a professional, but this site has some planning and steps. [link]

Interventions are hard. If you can get advice from a doctor, psychologist, social worker, that would help. You might try calling a treatment center, see if a counselor would be willing to talk to you about what to expect and what you can do. There are guidelines out there, and they reputedly help. I'm afraid my experience is more in the line of cleaning up aftermath than intervening, so I can only be of limited help.

Ginger, also, prepare yourself for it not to go well. I don't know how to tell you to do that, but...

You might try calling a treatment center, see if a counselor would be willing to talk to you about what to expect and what you can do.

This is so important, not because good, caring people can't come up with the words/steps on their own...but because there needs to be an end result. Just saying 'we love you and are afraid for you' is helpful to a degree, but 'we love you and here is where we are going to take you for help' has more power.

And, goodness knows, 'go get help' is the best-least useful advice on the planet! If you can offer a where and how, the subject of the intervention is much more likely to take that next step.

Bless you and your friends Ginger. Going through what leads to this decision is never fun...and having the courage to care that much is commendable.