I was thinking of the Barney Song.

We're not going to have a GROUP hug, Connie, but EACH of us is going to hug YOU...

I'd like to suggest that this is the civilized way to handle people who annoy you -- gossip behind their backs. And "behind their backs" implies that they don't find out about it. Which means you don't do it in Bureaucracy, or Bitches, or anywhere else on the board, satisfying though that is.

I totally agree with this, and imagine it is a big part of the reason we've maintained our famous civility. If you have a real problem with something someone's said, tell them or [publically] ignore them. If you think someone's breaking the rules, bring it up here. Does anything else really need to be done?

MM if someone you'd never spoken to before went into natter and asked your wife to take down her pants so she should be spanked, would you have reacted precisely the way you reacted to Phill? Perhaps.

However, I'd not, in an analogous scenario. And I'd never have imagined anyone would expect me to. I'd never have claimed it of the Buffistas either.

Have I mentioned lately that I love Paul? And not just because he shares a name with DH?

Because:

The best example I've been able to find are real-life interactions: in every instance that there have been conflicts of this type during the last months, I've translated mentally what was going on from an online situation to a real-life one, and in every case it made perfect sense. Perhaps there should be an addition to the guidelines saying: "the Golden Rule is: anything you wouldn't feel comfortable telling to that particular person face to face, you probably shouldn't post it here either". Really, it's the best way I've found to sum up something as tricky and ambiguous as the standards that people use to interact with each other here.

Is wonderful.

Just tell me we're not going to put our arms around each other and sing "We are the World" or something.

No fear of that, I think.

MM if someone you'd never spoken to before went into natter and asked your wife to take down her pants so she should be spanked, would you have reacted precisely the way you reacted to Phill? Perhaps.

However, I'd not, in an analogous scenario. And I'd never have imagined anyone would expect me to. I'd never have claimed it of the Buffistas either.

Bears repeating.

What I'm commenting on is the tendency of the community to take issue with a new person's actions that they let slide for somebody who's been here a while.

I saw this as the sort of thing where my friend Tamara of 10 years can say, "Hey bitch! You're blocking my view of the tv." But Sebastian, who I just met, had better use different phrasing, even for the same sentiment.

Is this the definition of a clique? If Sebastian is perminantly shut out from the "hey bitch" stage because he came around too late, then yeah. But things don't feel that rigid to me here. I can see where someone could hear Tamara and think, "So that's the phrasing that Calli's OK with," and get slapped down for going with it. It's a lot harder to suss out boundaries like this online, because of lack of body language, yadda, and yadda. But people seem to be going with the politer forms of "chill" to start with.

Oh, wait. We all hug Jesse, too.

I teach online and it's a very hard line to walk between saying "this is how we converse here" which is my job--and sounding condescending or bossy. Sometimes the mere act of explaining can sound punitive and patronizing or the person spoken to finds the mere act of being told what to do pushes all kinds of buttons. It's very difficult-- I have years of experience at it and still fuck up on a regula basis.

MM--I think some of the stuff for Newbies that has felt like exclusion to you might have been people honestly trying to say "Our boundaries are a little different than other places , let me explain them" At least that's what I was trying to do with Schmoker and I think others (not everyone of course) were trying to do. I can see where I might have given a diferent impresion and I am sorry for that.

I'm all for new blood coming in- How cool are Plasmo and Deena and Paul and lotsa of other peoplel I'm forgwetting right this second? Very cool.