It's as though, suddenly, people went "Hey, we can do something about people we don't like" but they constrain themselves to acting en masse and viciously only against those who have come in recently. And they often do so in a manner that equals or exceeds the original rudeness they are purportedly responding to.

I have not seen this. Certainly not "en masse." I have seen a few rude posts, made by a few people, and that's it. Now granted, I do skip and skim through the show threads.

And just to be really dorky about everything: I'm glad that people are disagreeing here, and that the occasional newer person has posted in this thread. I think we can work it out without people feeling they have to shut up and go away, if they don't agree with whatever they are percieving as the current groupthink.

the tendency of the community to take issue with a new person's actions that they let slide for somebody who's been here a while.

Show me a community that doesn't do that. Think about the difference between the way you treat Joe's new girlfriend at the party and the way you treat his wife of many years. Think about the amount of slack you give an old friend, as opposed to the amount of slack you give a stranger.

We just had a very bad experience. This has made us nervous and tetchy and looking over our shoulders for trouble. I think the best thing we can do is stop picking at the scab forawhile.

Show me a community that doesn't do that.

Up until very recently, I would have said "The Buffistas".

And it's OK to be upset, Sophia. Seeing family members getting loud at each other always makes me a bit nauseous too.

I was gonna say, it reminds me a bit of my parents arguing. On the other hand it's not like that because I have a feeling that things will settle down. So maybe it's more like watching two of my good friends arguing.

Up until very recently, I would have said "The Buffistas".

It's a lot easier to cut slack when it's one or two people a month learning the ropes and testing the waters.

When it's one or two hundred, it gets a little harder.

IJS.

Sometimes one particular Buffista (or another) really gets up my nose. When that happens, I send "Did you SEE that?" E-mail to my close friends. And they write back and say "I know, isn't it awful?". I know for a fact that I get up other Buffistas' noses, and that they do the same about me.

I'd like to suggest that this is the civilized way to handle people who annoy you -- gossip behind their backs. And "behind their backs" implies that they don't find out about it. Which means you don't do it in Bureaucracy, or Bitches, or anywhere else on the board, satisfying though that is.

What I'm commenting on is the tendency of the community to take issue with a new person's actions that they let slide for somebody who's been here a while.

I have not seen this either. What I mean is, I have not seen current members, when told that their post was offensive, refuse to apologize and instead keep re-stating the offensive comment and defending their position. I absolutely have not.

I have seen current members get snippy and bitchy. Almost always, someone points it out to them, and they cool off OR they catch themselves first and cool off.

And I *am* one of those people without a life who is here all the time, so I *do* read the vast majority of many threads.

Finally had time to catch up with the site. Oh, no, I've made Ms. Lizard feel bad, and even inarticulate (which is perhaps even worse). Frankly, Rebecca's "inarticulatedness" is probably the kind of mental clarity that the rest of us can only aspire to...

I just wanted to make clear that the instances where I've felt, say, intimidated by somebody else's oldtimer status have been very few and far in between, and in at least one of those cases (that is, the 50%), nothing would probably have happened if I had just answered in the same snarky tone that I received. As I said, those cases were probably due to my own issues as much as to the person on the "other side". I'll probably have to summon my corset-wearing evil twin from an alternate universe and have him teach me a lesson about speaking up for myself...

As for the (lack of) community standards, I can see both points of view. They can be confusing for someone who isn't in the same wavelength than the majority here, yet I could understand perfectly why some people might have been put off by the tone of certain posters (without sharing their accusations of impersonation). The best example I've been able to find are real-life interactions: in every instance that there have been conflicts of this type during the last months, I've translated mentally what was going on from an online situation to a real-life one, and in every case it made perfect sense. Perhaps there should be an addition to the guidelines saying: "the Golden Rule is: anything you wouldn't feel comfortable telling to that particular person face to face, you probably shouldn't post it here either". Really, it's the best way I've found to sum up something as tricky and ambiguous as the standards that people use to interact with each other here.

Are there double standards? Well, yes, absolutely. But again, they are the same kind of double standards everybody uses when they interact with other people in daily life (friends vs. acquaintances vs. strangers). Some people like it, some don't. From what I've seen, the vast majority of newbies have picked up on this, and there are only a very few people who are in a different wavelength.

t merrily using my company's bandwidth

Just tell me we're not going to put our arms around each other and sing "We are the World" or something.

I was thinking of the Barney Song.