I've been holding off on posting myself, even though Cindy and I may have started it. However, I think what is happening now is everyone is taking the opportunity of talking about "newbies" to say things about the board as a whole-- newbies and oldbies.

Anyway, I am with Dana. I am finding this conflict upsetting. I personally am finding our conflict with each other more upsetting than any conflict we had with meiskie or schmoker. I am not saying that these things shouldn't be said, because obviously people are feeling them. I'm just saying that it is making me tense and upset and want to cry.

ita, I wasn't aiming a "gun" at any one person in particular.

And if I implied that this was an "official" condemnation of a new person for being new, that wasn't what I meant either.

What I'm commenting on is the tendency of the community to take issue with a new person's actions that they let slide for somebody who's been here a while. It's as though, suddenly, people went "Hey, we can do something about people we don't like" but they constrain themselves to acting en masse and viciously only against those who have come in recently. And they often do so in a manner that equals or exceeds the original rudeness they are purportedly responding to.

I'm not saying it's your "job" to police against that, I'm not saying it's anyone's job. But this "Lord of The Flies" mentality is a disturbing trend I've noticed in this group recently.

And, for the record, I commend you, ita, in particular for reminding Rob and RL to tone down their posts.

It's the nature of any group of people that agreement will not be universal. I do hope there are no group hugs in the offing once we've thrashed everything out, but I do think that once people say things they've been biting their tongues on, one way or another, that things will be stronger. And now I'm desperately afraid I'm sounding like an Oprah episode. Bleh.

And it's OK to be upset, Sophia. Seeing family members getting loud at each other always makes me a bit nauseous too.

It's as though, suddenly, people went "Hey, we can do something about people we don't like" but they constrain themselves to acting en masse and viciously only against those who have come in recently. And they often do so in a manner that equals or exceeds the original rudeness they are purportedly responding to.

I have not seen this. Certainly not "en masse." I have seen a few rude posts, made by a few people, and that's it. Now granted, I do skip and skim through the show threads.

And just to be really dorky about everything: I'm glad that people are disagreeing here, and that the occasional newer person has posted in this thread. I think we can work it out without people feeling they have to shut up and go away, if they don't agree with whatever they are percieving as the current groupthink.

the tendency of the community to take issue with a new person's actions that they let slide for somebody who's been here a while.

Show me a community that doesn't do that. Think about the difference between the way you treat Joe's new girlfriend at the party and the way you treat his wife of many years. Think about the amount of slack you give an old friend, as opposed to the amount of slack you give a stranger.

We just had a very bad experience. This has made us nervous and tetchy and looking over our shoulders for trouble. I think the best thing we can do is stop picking at the scab forawhile.

Show me a community that doesn't do that.

Up until very recently, I would have said "The Buffistas".

And it's OK to be upset, Sophia. Seeing family members getting loud at each other always makes me a bit nauseous too.

I was gonna say, it reminds me a bit of my parents arguing. On the other hand it's not like that because I have a feeling that things will settle down. So maybe it's more like watching two of my good friends arguing.

Up until very recently, I would have said "The Buffistas".

It's a lot easier to cut slack when it's one or two people a month learning the ropes and testing the waters.

When it's one or two hundred, it gets a little harder.

IJS.

Sometimes one particular Buffista (or another) really gets up my nose. When that happens, I send "Did you SEE that?" E-mail to my close friends. And they write back and say "I know, isn't it awful?". I know for a fact that I get up other Buffistas' noses, and that they do the same about me.

I'd like to suggest that this is the civilized way to handle people who annoy you -- gossip behind their backs. And "behind their backs" implies that they don't find out about it. Which means you don't do it in Bureaucracy, or Bitches, or anywhere else on the board, satisfying though that is.

What I'm commenting on is the tendency of the community to take issue with a new person's actions that they let slide for somebody who's been here a while.

I have not seen this either. What I mean is, I have not seen current members, when told that their post was offensive, refuse to apologize and instead keep re-stating the offensive comment and defending their position. I absolutely have not.

I have seen current members get snippy and bitchy. Almost always, someone points it out to them, and they cool off OR they catch themselves first and cool off.

And I *am* one of those people without a life who is here all the time, so I *do* read the vast majority of many threads.