I don't mean everyone in the world, I mean everyone in the conversation. There are things you'd say to some people and not others, right? In general, I mean.

And you don't think that equating killing your sister with having your feelings easily bruised might be a tad apples and oranges?

Well, no, that's an extreme example; but the same thing. I may like unpleasantness in fiction, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want unpleasantness in real life. In real life, I'd like to have everything go very nicely with minimal effort and maximal payoff and while I'm at it I'd like my toes to never be cold again. These things are not likely to happen for me. But if I can help it, I want my social interactions to make me happy (whether it's listening to and talking with people being clever, or flirty, or funny), rather than cross and cranky, because after all it's only social. I'm not being paid for it. And I want the people around me to be happy, too, because if I made them cross and cranky they'd leave and I'd have no one to be social with!

Those are my feelings on the subject.

Which is not, of course, to say that everything must enforcedly be all sweetness and light and no disagreement; that would be very boring. Instead, I mean, have some kind of consciousness of the people around you and how they feel; and if you accidentally offend someone I still think it's possible to apologize for their upset while you still feel you'd done nothing wrong, and it's possible to also politely continue talking with them about your different points of view on the world.

Ah fuck I'm not making sense anymore. I'm going to shut up.

Schmoker, I get the feeling that you have been put on the defensive, and that this fact is coloring your interactions. It takes everyone a while to get integrated into the community, but if you are truly interested in becoming a part of the community, it *will* happen.

Schmoker, this isn't so much about censoring oneself. I wasn't offended by you calling Buffy's audience limited, and it's not obvious that that's such an offensive remark.

It's about being civil to other Buffistas-- not only did you not take Rob's complaint seriously, whether or not you agreed, you've belittled him repeatedly since. That makes *me* uncomfortable and annoyed. That is not how it works around here. There are people here I don't care for, and wouldn't be bothered to offend them all damn day. But I don't, because I respect the community here, and no one wants that.

Every time someone here has politely responded to you asking why we're making a deal of it, you've argued and nit picked as if this is a trial. You are also complaining that "One person out of 600 gets offended, so speech is limited to accomodate the one over the many. That type of thing." Well, at this point you're the only one expressing dissatisfaction with our civil order.

Ah fuck I'm not making sense anymore. I'm going to shut up.

This is a private website, not public society. I'm a firm believer that private orginizations should be able to have any set of rules they please, and people who don't like the rules should split. That's why I plan to follow the rules here or leave.

You know, Buffistas.org has a right to admit people who won't do anything they find offensive, and kick people out that they do find offensive, just like Augusta National has the right to admit whom they please, or any private organization has a right to do about any damn thing they wish when it comes to membership.

I just was curious what people thought about the rules for behavior here vs. the behavior we all celebrate on the shows this board was founded upon. It is an interesting dichotomy to say the least. And I think it should be fairly obvious that I'm not talking about profane and offensive flames like you see on other websites, but about the witty & urbane, yet wicked and pointed, jibes we love each week on the shows.

You are also complaining that "One person out of 600 gets offended, so speech is limited to accomodate the one over the many. That type of thing."

Well, at this point you're the only one expressing dissatisfaction with our civil order.

Now don't get your panties in a bunch here, Shawn, but you are dead wrong. I'm not expressing disatisfaction. I'm just trying to have a discussion about something I find interesting and a little bit of a paradox. But you are definitely reading into and mischaraterizing the things I am saying, which I can't really help if you want to do.

I have said repeatedly that I will follow the rules, and that rules are made by the group, as they should be.

Now don't get your panties in a bunch here, Shawn

Now, see, i don't know if that pissed Shawn off, but I wanted to go through the screen at you for that statement.

And I think it should be fairly obvious that I'm not talking about profane and offensive flames like you see on other websites, but about the witty & urbane, yet wicked and pointed, jibes we love each week on the shows.

Well, you know, I think it's hoped that we all, or nearly all, honestly like one another here. Or at least like to be in one another's company. That's the point of having a board where we can talk, right? And the characters on the shows don't necessarily all like one another. (In fact, I'm very glad there are animosities between the characters on the shows-- if it were a continual lovefest, even a well-written one, that would eventually become a very, very boring show.) I could say really cutting, mean, but witty! things about the people I hung out with (if I were clever enough to come up with something cutting and witty-- I'm afraid my brain's running out my ears today, so there's no actual danger of that from me), but then I believe they might not want to hang out with me. And since buffistas.org is not a television show, no one's on contract to keep them hanging around.

And, by the way-- I know I cannot speak for Shawn, but if you told me to not get my panties in a bunch, I'd get all het up and annoyed, and I don't think that's entirely unreasonable of me. It reads to me as kind of condescending, or insulting, and I (personally, but again I know it's not an un-widespread feeling) don't do very well when I feel I'm being condescended to. In fact, it usually makes me incoherent with anger. (And while, yes, getting me to shut up is often a really good idea, I feel I must suggest different means than something that'd make me want to throttle people.)

(That is another illustration of a personal take on your, I'm sure, very well-meant humor. Please regard or disregard as you wish.)

t edit Xpost. Allyson's there with the conciseness.

Now, see, i don't know if that pissed Shawn off, but I wanted to go through the screen at you for that statement.

But I'm not allowed to be pissed off that he completely lied about what I said? He's dead ass wrong when he says that I am complaining. I apologized, then tried to initiate a discussion. And he is totally wrong to say that I am complaining and expressing disatisfaction.

That is not what I said, but it's ok for him to post that I said exactly that?

It wasn't what you were saying-- it's what you said. I mean, wait, it's the idiom. There are politer ways to tell someone you think they're wrong.

And Shawn's a woman, btw.