My heart is so heavy. I can't quite decide what to feel.

Niki, my surrogate mom, was taken today to the same hospice where her husband died in February. She's been up and down for a couple of weeks but there is no more hope of reprieve. She just doesn't have the heart strength to go on.

I'll be able to see her for a few minutes tomorrow morning.

Thankfully, I've said everything I could have hoped to say to her when she was coherent. Many times.

I'm incredibly sad for me, but I don't want her to suffer any more. She had a lovely time at a family wedding just before her heart attacks, so that's a good thing. But, her plans for life after Gordon just didn't come to fruition. Too much pain. Too little energy. Too much medication. Just not enough 'life.'

I will miss her more desperately than my mind can even grasp right now. She has been a greater gift than any person in my life, ever.

I'm still just so worn out with my physical challenges of late...I'm just, well...you know.

Please, peaceful transition ~ma for Niki and strength to my faux-siblings. I will miss them too.

Hi, me again. Can I ask for some nonspecific medical~ma for my dad through Friday noon est? This week/ month may need some ~ma if I ever catch it alone in a dark alley. Thanks guys.

I'd like some ~ma for Max around 2:00 est today. He's seeing his second-opinion oncologist, and we're worried.

I have been off the board since I got back from Denver last week, trying to catch up to life, work without a boss or a smonster, and getting ready to go see Kate P. in Nashville, which I'm on the way to do right now! (TEN THOUSAND YAYS.)

Much ~ma to everyone, as I ask for some of my own. My sister-in-law called as I was leaving for the airport this morning to say that my brother has to go in for emergency surgery either tomorrow or Monday. The tumor is growing much more rapidly than they expected, and he's not only completely lost speech, but the use of his right arm. She said that if they don't do surgery ASAP, he's possibly going to go into a coma. I asked if she wanted me to come to NY right away, and she said she'd call tomorrow and let me know. This is the first time she hasn't said she doesn't need anything. So there's a possibility that I'll be flying directly from Nashville to NY.

I would very much appreciate some outcome ~ma for my bro for the surgery. Beyond that, selfishly, that I get to see him again before it's too late. Thanks, as always.

Thank you all so much for the ~ma! It worked, beyond all of our expectations. I was quietly going crazy because I hadn't heard anything, and it had been seven hours since my brother had gone in for his surgery, so I called my SiL's cell phone, and her brother picked up and said that she's in the recovery room with my brother right now, and he came through the surgery very well, and he's speaking. Her brother said that he's in really good spirits.

I'm so relieved, I can't even express it. I called my other brother, and it turned out that he had called our SiL's cell at the exact same time, and it went to voice mail. Heh.

Anyway, yay!!!

Ok, finally worked my way through the backlog. New photos of Ryan! They start from here: [link]

A couple of highlights, teasers if you will: [link]

The Hunger overtakes him: [link]

Resistance? Still futile. [link]

If you could spare a little starting~ma for DH, that would be great. Right now, they're stuck in NC (Elizabeth City Airport) because the APU on the jet is not cooperating. If they can't fix it themselves, they'll be there until morning when the FBO reopens.

edit: Four hours--and a whole lotta ~ma later--it magically started. They were so eager to get home they had the throttle at 102% flying at 548 knots. They made it from Elizabeth City, NC to Georgetown, DE in 14 minutes. Now to tear the jet apart to figure out what the hell is going on...but not tonight. They just want to drive home and get some sleep. Thanks again everyone! We should figure out how to bottle this stuff.

After a long time, I started a new LJ under Pharaby.

Please be to be befriending me, so I can write more.

OK, thanks!

I'll be going mostly dark again for a while (not that I've been super-talky any time recently). I'm still trying to sort through a lot of really bad emotional stuff, and I just haven't felt at home here (or anywhere) for a while now.

My email inbox will always be glad to see Buffista pixels, and if I ever get a phone again, I'll be sure to let people know what it is.