Amy: See, Madonna being 50 doesn't surprise me at all. Prince, maybe a little. MJ, though? I guess his Eternal Youth Plan worked pretty well on me.

Sox: 30 minutes until a phone conference where I'm supposed to advise on a particular database product and interface. And no matter what I say, they're going to buy it anyway.

Sparky1: Obviously, OBVIOUSLY . . . you should use this opportunity to use your creative writing skills and prepare something along the lines of Jabberwocky!

Sox: twas brillig, and your vendor sucks...

Alibelle: And OMG. I started a diet TODAY for the first time ever. You guys are making me wanna cry about pie. Holy crap. How on earth does the diet business stay in business? I don't think I'm cut out for this nonsense. I want pie. Followed by a pizza pie.

In Bitches:

Aims:

Ah tantrums. Em had a doozy of one this morning. Fall seems to have just run into the state and sat down to stay. No gradual dip in temp - just "HI! I'M HERE! IT'S COLD AND RAINY!" So we had to get out the Dreaded Pants this morning. I'm not a fan of forcing anyone to wear something they don't like, but she has no clean dresses and she has no tights. These are things we have to shop for. Screaming, yelling, kicking, wriggling, "PANTS ARE NOT FOR GIRLS THEY ARE FOR BOYS! I AM NOT A BOY I WANT TO BE A GIRL!"

I finally took over to give Joe a break and convinced her to wear them because they have foxes on the pants and the shirt like Tod, in The Fox and the Hound.

Must. Buy. Dresses and Tights.

Emily:

Oh, Em. She needs to learn to say what she means, which is "WHILE PANTS ARE A PERFECTLY VALID LIFESTYLE CHOICE THEY DO NOT APPEAL TO MY SELF IMAGE AT THE MOMENT AS I WISH TO LOOK LIKE MY SOCIETALLY INFLUENCED IDEA OF A PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!"

MiracleMan:

There was a moment in the kitchen this morning when I looked my three year old dead in the eye and said "I would love to discuss gender issues and sartorial choices, Punk, but we just don't have the time. Wear the pants or no TV."

(ETA MM's response, which made this even better.)

DavidS: Are you guys seriously giving me a watch and post of your cats eating?

Laura (re Brendon [Jr], and his “0 on homework, 100 on quiz” issues):

How about do it so we don't hassle the shit out of you? Wouldn't it be easier to just do the damn work since it is so simple?

Trudy Booth:

THIS KIND OF LOGIC IS WHY WE HATE THE MAN! It's right up there with "show your work" when I'm getting the shit right IN MY HEAD.

I'm going to write a whole album called Punk Rock For A Students. Fuck this noise! ::dah-dah nah nah nuh:: I did it in my head! ::dah-dah nah nah nuh:: You got the Answer Book, BITCH! Now leave my ass ALONE! ::more angry guitars, angry guitars, angry guitars::

In Bitches:

Suzi, re her mother's doctor at the Catholic hospital:

I'm still stuck on how cute he was....dang. I'm a bad daughter.

Get lost in those eyes....dang. Ok, and then I glance up to the HUGE portrait of Jesus again.

Calli:

I've been reliably informed that God = love. So I'd recommend that you get as godly as possible with Dr. Hottie. For your soul.

Natter:

Dana: Why is it, when you have a series of repair people in your house, each successive one looks at the work the previous one did and says "Oh, that's not right."

Gud: I figure there are several possibilities. Nobody gets it right, there is no right solution, or there is more than one right solution. I have the same question about religion.

Natter delves into the finer points of foreign-language learning:

Emily: It made me wonder -- do you use the same counting word for penises that you do for bottles and cigarettes, or does that go in a different category?

Billytea: I asked Wallybee this question for Chinese. Apparently the appropriate measure word here is gēn, meaning 'root'. Wine comes in bottles, penises come in roots.

I really like this language.

Brenda: Now I really wish I had a husband and a root.

JenP: Wesson Scalper Palin

I go around lopping off the tops of cooking oil bottles? Or selling them at outrageous prices.