Laga, in Bitches:

but mommy gave me vodka and I'm feeling much better now.

If so, someone has earned the good mother award!

Jesse: Is a racial segue better than no segue?

Movies:

Miracleman: So, this is how incredibly geeky me and my buddy Steve are:

I go over to his place and he excitedly shows me the Star Trek movie trailer, where it's just guys building the Enterprise. Welding, sparks flying and stuff...neat.

And I turn to him and say "Are they building that thing on a planet?"

He nods, his eyes lighting up; he was thinking what I was thinking. "Yep."

"But...it's been established it had to be built in orbit!"

"Yep."

"It would crush itself under its own weight under planetary gravitation!"

"Yep."

"Even Mars' roughly 1/3 Earth normal gravity. Crunch!"

"Yep."

"What the fuck is the matter with them?!"

"That's what I said!"

Aimee looks at Jen (Steve's wife), rolls her eyes and says "Who cares?"

Steve and I gape at her.

Girls.

tommyrot: I had that same conversation in my own head. Except there were no girls.

Ranting in Bitches:

Ginger:

This is why I couldn't deal with the cancer support sites. Under the circumstances, I couldn't deal with the posts that appeared to have been written by a cat, except that a cat wouldn't type lol so often. Also, most of the people were asking questions that showed they knew nothing at all about their illness and treatment. You're on the internet, people. Google, for the love of god.

Steph L.:

Here's the thing about "lol" -- I'd say that at least 50% of the time I see it used, it's used in a context that doesn't make any sense to me. Like, it's supposed to indicate that someone is (at the very least) amused, if not literally laughing out loud, right? So then why do people write things like:

"So then I just put my jim shooz on lol and laced them up and went to the grocery store lol!"

Because -- WHAT THE FUCK IS FUNNY ABOUT THAT?!? I have a good sense of humor, goddammit! But your excessive and a-contextual "lol"s are driving me apeshit!

Ahem. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.

JZ:

I want to marry Teppy's lolrant and have its little ranty babies.

And, just to be meta, while reading it I just barely managed to stifle myself from actually LOLing (though shouldn't it more properly be LingOL?).

Sparky1

I love that a buffista would debate even this. JZ, don't ever, ever change.

In Bitches:

d:

My office building just had the fire alarms go off. Man, they are LOUD. Fortunately seems to be some glitch from the build-out on the second floor and no actual fire. 911 was fairly useless. The building called the fire department and police all on it's own though so we were good.

Vortex:

Building: Hi, this is 1011 Smith Street. I seem to be on fire.

911 Operator: Okay, what is your name?

Building: 1011 Smith Street.

911 Operator: Yes, I have your address, what is your name?

Building: 1011 Smith Street. This is the building.

911: I need your name

Building: Look, can you just send someone? My alarms are going off, and I need to get back to the people. My name is 1011 Smith Street. I'm made of brick, I have 7 floors AND MY ALARMS ARE GOING OFF.

911: Sir, I can't send a fire truck until I have your name.

Building: For the love of Frank Llloyd Wright!

911: So your name is Frank Wright?

Building: yes, fine, call me Frank. You'll have to excuse me, my sprinklers are upset that they're not allowed to go off yet.

MM in Bitches:

I recently sent an email to a friend that included the phrase "OMGWTFPANDA!"

He replied simply "WTF?"

So I said "LOL. Nvr mnd. I pwns a giant panda and OMGWTF u know?"

He sent me an ad for a place that specializes in therapy for those with brain injuries.

...

LOL

Ginger: My impression is that once a guy puts on a baseball cap, it is considered part of his head. One reason for this may be that so many guys use them in lieu of toupees.

Ginger : I don't think I have any particular female skills in making a house a home; my specialty is making a house a library.

Joe strikes again, in Bitches:

Aimee:

Good things will happen for my family today! Good things for my friends! YAY GOOD THINGS!

MM:

From your keyboard to the gods', um...

...

You think the gods have a message board? Like "www.deitistas.org"?

What would their thread titles be? "Natter 57: Yeah, we hear your prayers, we just don't give a shit." "Eros' Bitches 39: Shot through the heart, but you're too late."

"Deistechnology 4: Build a stone circle, see what happens"

In Natter, Allyson:

Did I tell you guys I was the victim of a horrible astrology attack on Friday night?

I was at a birthday dinner, and the suject of signs came up. I was asked what sign I was, and I said Aries, and one of our group proceeded to tell me how I was like my sign, and I said, "yeah, I don't believe in astrology." But you know, politely and sweetly.

EXPLOSION!

YOU DONT BELIEVE THE MOON HAS ANY EFFECT ON PEOPLE????

Um. Well, you see, um...

I opted out of the conversation. It was going into a fighty place. But I'm a little bit mad that I didn't say, "But you know, you're not really a Cancer, you're a Gemini, because the earth's orbit has changed in the last 2000 years due to wobble, so whatever sign you think you are, you're actually the sign before it, JERKFACE."

And then that would have lead to anger. But I WOULD HAVE FELT BETTER.

Perhaps this explains why I am no fun at parties. BUT I AM STILL MAD.