I am shocked that nobody else has COMM'd this exchange yet:

Hec: If I were a Great White Shark, I might think about taking a vacation down the coast. Of course, if I were a Great White Shark the only thought in my head would be, "EAT!"

Steph L: And possibly, "Hey, all this cartilage ROCKS!"

tommyrot: Also, "I have to keep moving or I'll die. Because I'm a fucking shark."

Also, "What's the deal with shark-fin soup?"

And, "I better make my hotel reservations for Shark Week soon, as they tend to book up pretty quickly."

And, "I wonder if Mary Jane will go to the Shark Week dance with me?"

amych: And, "Curse those Jets, with their snappy, memorable theme song and their Jazz Hands!"

Yogurt in my nose, thanks to tommyrot in Bitches:

You should end with, "I'm sending you a head-mounted flashlight, to help you find your way out of your ass."

Shrift, clarifying things in Natter:

I am starving. Please note that this is due to a lack of breakfast on my part, not the conversation regarding the rendering of manflesh.

sarameg in Natter:

Oh dear god. This is so many kinds of wrong. The predicted high, note I say high, for Monday? 22. TWENTY TWO FREAKING DEGREES FAHRENHEIT. The low is nine.

I may call in frozen.

In Natter:

Consuela: So I'm beginning to think about getting another dog. I know that I could get a rescue greyhound pretty easily, and they seem like the perfect dog for me (world's fastest couch potato!), but one of the reasons I want a dog is because being seen to have a dog in the house is safer in my neighborhood.

So, question for the Buffistas: is anyone afraid of a greyhound?

amych: Just the mechanical rabbit, pretty much. Are mechanical rabbits prone to property crimes in your neighborhood?

In Bitches,

Deena: We have one degree F this morning. It's not a nice temperature at all.

Brenda: You have a degree? I wish I had a root and a degree.

(-5 here.)

In Natter--

Steph L: Okay, talking about show dogs reminded me of a bumper sticker-related grammar riff my brother and I went on, which caused everyone else in the room to edge away slowly.

See, we were driving somewhere, and we were behind a car with a bumper sticker that read (without any punctuation marks whatsoever): SHOW DOGS DO NOT TAILGATE.

So, we pondered this, and the many meanings the bumper sticker could have, given punctuation.

Show dogs; do not tailgate.

This could have 2 meanings, depending on context. The first is the (I assume) intended meaning, which is "Hey, there are show dogs in this car, so do not tailgate us, because if there is an accident and you rear-end us you could hurt the dogs and then I would have to beat you to a pulp."

But the second could be a command (or suggestion) to someone who tailgates a lot, offering them an alternate activity that they might like to do instead of tailgating. "Hey Jimmy, you should show dogs, instead of tailgating so much."

Show dogs do not tailgate.

This could just be a statement about the driving habits of the show dogs -- they don't tailgate. Which I for one applaud.

Show dogs, do not tailgate!

This could be a command to the show dogs, who are lousy drivers (what with the lack of opposable thumbs), and tailgate all the damn time.

Show, dogs; do not tailgate.

This could be a cryptic command to the dogs, as an alternate activity to tailgating. "Hey, dogs -- you really shouldn't tailgate, so why don't you show, instead?" But we may never know *what* they're supposed to show.

Show dogs: do not tailgate.

Yes, it's a clunky construction, but since the original bumper sticker had no punctuation, that means dorks like me run wild with the possibilities. This one could be a command to someone that they need to demonstrate to the dogs that they (the dogs) should not tailgate.

As you can see, the possibilities are endless.

Well, not *endless.* But numerous.

Can you EVEN believe someone is willing to date me? (Yeah, *I* frequently can't believe it, either.)

In Natter:

-t : I don't make the decisions, I just validate.

Shrifty goodness in Natter:

Stab not lest ye be stabinated. If I started stabbing people in the face, everyone would start stabbing people in the face, and it'd be stabanarchy.

I poked my head in Natter in just the right moment:

JZ: And I'm one of those theists who goes around thinking, "Just wait until those atheists die and Jesus and Buddha show up with a six-pack of beer and say 'Hey, you didn't even believe and you were a pretty decent person anyway! Go you!' Ha ha! Won't those atheists be surprised, with the heaven and the beer! I will laugh!"