Hec responds to anti-baseball propaganda in Bitches:

Let me recap the episodes you're missing. Blah blah House! Blah blah other guy! Ooh, look they are cranky and say cutting remarks to each other! I deduce they have true love! No wait, that's Stargate: Atlantis. Ergo I suggest that Stargate: Atlantis is actually House in an Aquarium. How this relates to Sealab 2020 and Scrubs I am unsure. Next: Supernatural Incest vs. Numb3rs Incest, aka Undercover Brothers are doing it for themselves.

Cashmere in Lost: * I watched. I'm giving this two more episodes. I'm starting to get annoyed. I feel like I'm pushing the button and all I'm getting is a fucking fish biscuit. *

Hec, in bitches:

Matilda To English Dictionary

At! = "I am awake. Please wipe my ass."
Ah... = "Hello, And you are...?" Sometimes also, "Interesting." preferably with fingers peaked like Mr. Burns.
Waaaahhhhh! = "I am disconsolate! Life has no meaning! Where is The Breast?! Not that breast, you eediot! The other one. The one I like. Now you will feel my wrath as I claw desperately at the wrong boob with my sharp and tiny talons!"
Umf. Umf. Umf. = "I am taking a crap. You may expect to hear the disconsolate 'Waaaaah!" shortly."
smuksmuksmuk = Your pinky finger, sir, I assure you is no nipple. But 'twil serve. 'twil serve."
[high chittering noise. cf., agitated Coati Mundi] = "Alarum! OMGWTFPOLARBEAR! FIRE! That's it, Man. Game over! Game OVER!"
!tuk !tuk = "This shit is delicious."
eep eep = "Uhm. My body seems to be shaking with recurrent spasms. I am concerned. Perhaps a little anxious. Definitely annoyed that you find these so-called 'hiccoughs' amusing."
uh. uh. uh. = "I am satiated. The milk it is good. All is satisfactory. Bring me my hash pipe."

Soon I bet Matilda stories are going to overwhelm the Buff diving database!

Brenda in Bitches:

The dogs are taking over breakfast! It's got to be the first step in what I'm sure is an elaborate and not very well thought out plan for world domination. OTOH, better them than the cats.

Not meaning to spam COMM, but I'm finding a lot of things silly today.

In Boxed Set:

CFerg for the setup:

"sides" are the script pages that will be shot that day. They are printed on small pages and the cast and crew all have them in their pockets - unless you're an actress in which case you don't get pockets.

WindSparrow for the kill:

Is that why one sees so few flat-chested actresses anymore?

In Bitches:

Jilli:

The greatest hits of the Insecurity Demons that live in my head include chart-topers like Everyone is Just Humoring You Because You're Crazy, Yes, He's Eventually Going to Leave Because You're Driving Him Away, You'll Never Lose Weight (with the follow-up smash hit You'll Just Gain it All Back), and the all-time sing-along favorite of Someday They'll Figure Out You're a Big Fake (You're Not That Smart).

Most of the time, I can ignore all of those. But there are days, they get in my head and nothing will shake them.

Aimée

Clovis would never leave you.

Clovis would never leave you.

Note to self: Eating soup and reading COMM are unmixy things.

from boxed set, regarding "Heroes":

Tom Scola: How can the artist guy do 32+ pages of comics a month, paint all of those paintings, and still find the time to get high?

victor infante: I don't know, but it would explain Alan Moore.

The Empress in Bitches:

Dear Powers That Be -

I don't know why you took my trouble-free, cheerful, and docile daughter and replaced her with the screaming demon that now resides in our house. Was it a sick need to hear, "MINE! MINE! MINE!" screamed at 10,000 decibles for a full ten minutes? Was it a sadistic exercise in "Let's see how much Aimee can take before she pulls her hair out?" Either way, I would think that both of these needs have been met in the past two weeks and I would like The Other Emeline back as soon as possible (you know - the one without the goatee. Have you ever had to shave a toddler in the morning?)

Please accept the sacrifice of this dog, these Michael Kors shoes, and this long box of Silver Age comics in an effort to appease you.

Sincerely,

Aimee

P.S. In addition, I am enclosing a check for $5000 and some chocolate peanut butter chip brownies. The brownies are for now. Please wait until next Friday to cash the check.