bad fanfic: Michael was giving her head, blowing her or eating her who cared what the vernacular was; all she knew was that it felt soooooo gooooooood and that she was glad it was this handsome man making her feel so actualized.

Vonnie K: I would have paid a lot more attention during Psychology 101 if Erickson or Manslow or whassisface specified there was oral sex at the end of the hierarchy of needs.

Corrected, since it's been sitting there incorrect.

In Minearverse:

Got Life: Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice...

Kristen: And, sometimes, they gut you, just to watch you die.

Emily in Bitches:

Boys are as a closed book to me.

Make that a glued-shut book. About aerospace engineering or something.

in Natter ...

Vonnie: Also, the lead agent is ungodly hot and there was shirtlessness in the first episode. What more do you need?

brenda: A link?

connie neil in Natter:

I remember the SCA fighter practice where my husband went up against the King in a sparring practice. The King, being a really good fighter (which is how he got to be King), had let his own beliefs about his skills lull him into neglected an important piece of armor. Hubby is a left-hander with nearly 30 years experience, and King Brion didn't have oodles of experience against lefties. Hubby swung, and King Brion squeaked and did his best curling bacon imitation on the floor.

Everyone was horrified--"He clocked the King!". The Queen stomped over. It takes a lot for Queen Anna to stomp, because she's a very tiny woman. She glared down at her husband.

"You didn't put your cup in, did you."

A very faint "no".

"You didn't think Dragan (hubby) would get a shot in on you, did you."

weak head shake

She kicked him in his armored butt. "Idiot. I want kids someday, you know." As she stomped away she yelled, "Someone get our stupid King off the floor!"

Hubby helped, and Brion thanked him for not laughing.

Your hubby may not have been laughing, but I sure was!

Windsparrow in F2F:

I am soooo clueless right now, I couldn't get a clue if I were wearing clue musk, doing the clue mating dance, in a field full of horny clues.

Jessica: The good news is, my printer is not a Cylon.

My apologies if this already got commed. I wouldn't know where to stop copying this, but brave Teppy's tales of battle with the sentient mold in Bitches was making me lose my shit:

Steph L. "Spike's Bitches 26: Damn right I'm impure!" Sep 18, 2005 3:14:18 pm PDT

Allyson, in Natter, on why event planning would NOT make good reality television:

She said it would be good for business.

I said it would be unlikely to be good for business, because event planners tend to constantly be dealing with fires, and some jackhole with a nut allergy who just ate the satay with peanut sauce, and some actor who got "lost" (read, had to tie one on) on the way to the party, and a the ice sculpture of David at the bris who was mistakely carved with a foreskin that you have to chip off in front of the horrified father.

We look like raging cuntbag bitchpie most of the time at the event, very unkind, unflattering. Great TV, but with no time for a camera tailing us when threatening the hotel staff with a pair of salad tongs for forgetting to put the sterno blue fire pu pu platter shit under the fondue.

And she said, "omigod you're so funny."

Definitely can't argue with that last statement.

Natter, bringing the surreal:

tommyrot: Wasn't it just the other day that someone was asking if there were any giant pink bunnies in Italy?

Artists erect giant pink bunny on mountain [NB: this was a link to an article]

An enormous pink bunny has been erected on an Italian mountainside where it will stay for the next 20 years.

Matt: Sure, it seems cute now, but what are they going to say when lightning strikes the thing and there's a 200 foot pink rabbit terrorizing the Italian countryside?

Perkins: That Clovis is at it again?

tommyrot: I think they will say, "Release the giant pink mountain lion!"

Except in Italian.

juliana: Liberi il leone di montagna dentellare gigante!