ita:

Boys are scary. The things that a guy has to do to convince me he likes me would have us married in some states. Or he could just say something. But why would he? Girls are scary.

I've had nice comic book guys, but no attractive ones, I don't think. And the nice ones aren't the ones that stand out. Repeat-o-music guy does, as does the one who pulled my phone number from the files and called me at home, all casual-like. Girls didn't scare him, it seems, not even his wife.

I'd like to point out the succession of posts that make this Just Another Exciting Night in Natter....

msbelle: clothing update - 3 things deemed too small. I thought about being sad, but honestly 2 of them were always too small and the third is something I got 7 years ago at Target. I think 7 years was more wear than I probably deserved out of it.

DXMachina: We're getting our first real thunderstorm of the year.

Jesse: Two words: YAY PUDDING.

in Bitches:

Erin:

It's 4:30 in the morning here, and I am MAKING TEA.

Because BOYS SUCK.

I shaved my legs. They are moisturized. I have cute panties on. I smell like Chanel. I had 5 condoms and a pair of handcuffs in my purse. I drank champagne, and left a cutely provocative voice mail at 10:30. I left a VM at 1:45 that said "Call me. I want to do nasty, unspeakable --possibly illegal -- things to you" in dulcet, purring tones.

He didn't call.

Didn't call! WTF?! It's so wrong. I am very very irritated. I ate a boiled egg in anger. I took my Italian heels off in a huff. I ripped of my cute jeans in a frank rage. I read a whole book in bed, and I AM STILL PISSED.

I am cute. I have great tits. I am fucking good in bed, and HE CALLED ME, dammit, and made tentative plans, and then left me dangling on the precipice of I-wanna-fuck and couldn't even call to say...whatever. I'm too drunk, my cat clawed my dick, my grandma died, WHATEV.

It's HARD to sustain a state of pissed off sexual frustration for 4 hours, but I have done it.

GRRRRRRRRRRR.

Steph L. in Spike's Bitches 24: I'm Very Seldom Naughty.

transcending context:

People, never clean your ears with cigarette butts. You will NEVER get to Paris that way.

Cindy, responding to Allyson in Minearverse:

There's a message from Tim describing The Inside on FOX's official site for The Inside.

Unfortunately, it's written by some guy named Tim Minnear.

Oh good. Now I can stop with the stopping before I say his name aloud, just to make sure I'm remembering the long i. I vote we change his name to Minnear, officially.

Next, all the Alisons, Allisons, and Alysons (sorry, Ms. Hannigan) have to change the spelling of their names to Allyson, because it is the spelling I now best remember.

Kristin has to change her name to Kristen. I don't know how we'll distinguish between you, but that's best left for another day.

All the Megan-Meaghan type people have to settle on both the way to spell and pronounce their name.

I'm changing Sunil's name to Sam. Sorry, P-C.

There shall be no more Cyndis out there, and the girl Sydneys are gone, too (I'm looking at you, JG).

All parents desiring to name a daughter Julie will have to name them Julia, but are free to call them Julie, as a dim.

Lori, I'm sorry, but you just became a Laura, and your lori is now Laurie.

We can have two Catherine type names, one for the C people, and one for the K people, but there must be uniformity amongst them.

There will be no Jeffreys. Your formal name is Geoffrey, like Chaucer, although you are free to use Jeff as a nickname.

Furthermore, all the Joshuas must abandon Josh as a nick, because it's too close to Joss, and I can no longer say Josh. Yes, I know Whedon's given name is Joseph. No, I don't care. Strike back. Call yourselves Joe.

People on this board who use real sounding names, which are not their actual names, must go to the courts to apply for a legal name change. I'm looking at you, Trudy Booth.

S-E-A-N is the only acceptable spelling for the name Sean.

J-O-H-N is the only acceptable spelling for the name John.

J-O-N-A-T-H-A-N is the only acceptable spelling for Jonathan.

Finally...nah. She can kill me with her pinky.

Lyra Jane, in Movies:

"Lawrence of Arabia" didn't do anything for me: my memory of it is basically "desert ... desert ... homoeroticism ... desert ... zzzzzz."

Rio in Natter:

I for one would like to hear someone in an office get all pissed off and just yell, to the heavens, VAGINA BOJANGLER, EXCEL CRASHED AGAIN!

Tim in Minearverse, discovering he can do something other than kill off characters:

My days on "Buffy" will always be special to me.

Wow, that sounded porny

Betsy beholds the power of Google in Minearverse : Speak no ill of Google in my presence for lo, they are wise and inevitable.

tommyrot in Natter, context be damned:

Run for your lives! The robot ass slugs are here!