Le Empresse, in Les Bitches
There's a chick in my corporate office who likes to email me whenever I have made a typo and be really condescending. I asked Emily to smite her. MM had this to say.
Ah. The Smiting of the Condescending Wank-person. Just like in Exegesis 19:35 hut hut:
35 And verily didst the Lord speak unto Herbert and the Lord did say:
36 "Thou hast cast aspersions on My typing too much. Shall I not, now, cast thine soul unto Perdition? Seek you now your salvateon?"
37 And Herbert didst answer his Lord saying: "Lord...'salvation' is spelled with an 'i', not an 'e'."
38 And the Lord did send down lightnings to slap Herbert as though he were a bitch.
39 And the Lord spake: "Herbert, thou bring shame unto your father's house. For thou art a wanker."
40 And Herbert did weep as a little girl.
Daniel Jensen in Bitches:
I miss Coca Cola before HFCS, and in nearly indestructible Georgia Green bottles with a bottle cap that you needed an opener to uncork, chilled to 34 degrees in a vending machine where you wrench them out of a slot and listen to the rest of the bottles in the machine clank into position.
We're going to miss Raquel a lot:
The only good thing I can think of to say about the Star Wars re-work is that Chewie Finally Gets a Damn Medal.
Otherwise, I'm boggled as to why Lucas thought it made more sense to make two new movies that don't match the canon of the existing movies and then redact the existing movies even though the entire population of the world has already seen them at least once, than to make the two new movies fit the story as already told.
It's like he works at my office or something.
Matt the Bruins Fan
makes me love Margaret Cho:
I made my last minute deadline in time to race to Memphis and see Margaret Cho in person on her "State of Emergency" tour. She rocks to an amazing degree.
Margaret had a great bit about how some of her comments about Bush sparked a wave of bigoted hate mail of the "GO BACK TO YUR OWN KUNTRY YOU CHINK DIKE!!!1!" variety. Which she then posted on her website... complete with all the included return address info for the convenience of any passing fans who might like to reply.
The aforementioned hate mailers then flooded her e-mail with a bunch of apologies begging her to call off the hordes of drag queens who were filling their in boxes with floods of angry letters. She said "Apparently, I activated Al-Gayda without realizing it—and that is one sleeper cell you do not want to wake up pissed off!"
KristinT:
You know what? I don't know enough about this to make declarative statements. I'm going to stop talking out of my ass now and say...
Look! A monkey! A shiny one!
They were very concerned that they find this "up and coming" community, and for some reason seemed to think that I had the key to it.
My first thought on reading 'up and coming' was, "I bet this is what they call Viagra in Japan."
Gus, in Natter, brings birthday cheer:
Sweeps up Trudy and carries her into the Virtual Boudoir with the express intention of inventing an entirely new sin. The sin will be known as The Trudy Sin, in honor of it having been invented on her birthday.
And Cindy in Bitches, prepares her story for the case worker:
When Ben was brand new, I was feeding him one day, and Days came on the TV. When the theme music started, and MacDonald Carey started with the, "Like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives..." voice over, he turned his little head right towards the TV. He did this consistently thereafter, so I know it wasn't a fluke. He was transfixed by it. When he was X months old, we got him a toy hour glass rattle (very simple, and shaped exactly like an hourglass). He couldn't say his "D" sounds--they came out as "G" sounds. He would grab it, and screech, "Gays of our Wives. Gays of our WIIIIIIIIVES!"
Cindy's on a roll today. In Natter:
tommyrot: Kissing her was nice and exciting. But what really caused the shock and awe was the first time she put her hand down my pants - because I wasn't expecting it.
Cindy: Nobody expects the Pantish Inquisition.
