Buffistas to the rescue - how to explain F2F to parents (I'm the set-up, it's not about me, it's about the people who posted):

Miracleman: Dear Nilly's Parents,

Despite what you may have heard I am neither evil nor insane. My work in necromancy, cybernetic enhancement and nuclear-powered projected energy weapons is all for the ultimate benefit of humanity under my benign but absolute and total rule.

Here is a picture of me and my wife, the Empress. Also included is a picture of me and The World's Stupidest Dog; me and my Ninja Zombie Robot Army of Total Doom; and me and my Nuclear Destructo-Ray (puckishly pointed at Thermopolis, Wyoming.)

I have no designs on taking samples of your daughter's mathematically brilliant brain and attempting to clone it for use in an ultra-super-biocomputer. I intend only to show her the delights of Los Angeles alongside other Buffistas, none of whom are under mind-control.

Also, there will be cookies.

I hope this letter serves to allay any concerns you may have in re: your daughter's safety.

Yours sincerely,

Miracleman Not A Mad Scientist or Aspiring World Dominator

~~~~

Gus: Dear Nilly's Parents,

Everyone here is sane. Rely on it.

Signed,

His Covert Majesty, the Honorary Princess and Weremonkey Gus

~~~~

amych: Dear Nilly's Parents,

I can understand your worry, as my own parents have worried about my talking to the invisible imaginary people in the box for years now, but I haven't yet gotten into any real trouble with it.

As far as they know, anyway.

Signed, invisible imaginary person in the box

~~~~

Sean: Dear Nilly's Parents,

Give us Nilly or the dog gets it.

Signed,

The Internet Axe-Murderers.

The ever-COMMable Madrigal in Bitches:

We have a warm spring day for once. So what do I do? I take the dog for a run, then when we get in and he's panting and won't drink water, I give him an ice-cube, because everyone's sworn it's okay and he loves them. He promptly hurts his mouth on it and bleeds and whimpers. The vet has said that since he's barking and eating bits of cheese, he's probably just bitten his tongue or cheek and he'll be fine in a day or two, but I still feel horrendous guilt. I mean, Charles Manson, he never hurt a beagle. The Spanish Inquisition - as far as I know they left the dogs alone. It's like this is some hideous first step to ending up like Aileen Wornous, and in the movie they'll have the younger Hilton sister play me, and she'll so get off on hurting dogs that she'll put a beagle-kicking room in every Hilton and the when the poor animals die of their injuries they'll be skinned and worn as snowsuits by ugly babies.

Lee

A while back I had to give drops and pills to one of my cats, for two weeks straight. At about the 10th day, Ozzie decided he had had enough.

He moved to bite me, then remembered that wasn't allowed.

He moved to scratch me, then remembered that wasn't allowed.

Damn cat bitchslapped me, putting all of his 22 pounds behind it.

Red Bull out the nose is not a pleasant feeling.

Thomash: As I understand it, there is supposedly a Springfield in every state. Can anyone confirm that?

DX: Nope. No Springfield in Rhode Island.

(Unless I've been pronouncing Usquepaug wrong...)

In the Minearverse:

Cashmere:

I love saying Ypsilanti out loud.

shrift:

And isn't it the Ypsilanti water tower that looks like a giant penis?

Cashmere:

How do I have relatives there and NOT know about the penis???

Aimee:

Your current state would say otherwise, Cash.

Cashmere:

Hee. This is true. Everytime I go into a bar and the server asks me if I want a drink I say, "That's what got me into this in the first place." I never get tired of it.

Susan W. in Great Write, on the effects of enforced bedrest due to late pregnancy on her get-up-and-go:

Basically, I've just turned into a remarkably lazy woman--it's like I quit being driven cold turkey.

MiracleMan in Natter

I went through the desert on a horse with no name

It felt good to get out from the rain.

Actually...the horse was named "Irwin", but he would bite

And kick when I called him that and I didn't want to

Be bitten and kicked. But one day I was really thirsty

And there wasn't any frickin' rain so I

Killed Irwin and drank his blood and made horse-meat steaks.

Or something.

DX in The Minearverse (or should we just rename it Natter?):

Thomash:

As I understand it, there is supposedly a Springfield in every state.

Can anyone confirm that?

DX:

Nope. No Springfield in Rhode Island.

(Unless I've been pronouncing Usquepaug wrong...)

Sue, the 'Unknown Buffista' was Thomash.

Matt the Bruins fan, explaining about board in-speak "Bob Likes Carrots":

Right, it has applications other than spousal. For example, [Rant-inducing co-worker's daughter] likes carrots, because she cannot say two sentences in a conversation that's not strictly about work details without relating whatever the subject is back to her daughter.

I'm tempted to scour the news for articles about bestiality convictions to spark a conversation and see just how pronounced this effect is.