Teppy vents in Bitches:

Steph: Though they feed the dogs twice a day, which I have *never* heard of, and those dogs could stand to skip a meal.

No more Teppy dogsitter. No mas.

Gudanov: I feed my dogs twice a day. It happens.

Steph: See, that's the problem with this board -- as soon as someone grumbles, "Boy, juggling underwater sure is weird," someone else invariably comes along and says "*I* juggle underwater, and it's fucking great!"

Gudanov: Well, I don't juggle.

Sean K: You got a problem with underwater juggling, Tep?

NoiseDesign: <fetches scuba gear>

Steph: See, I knew it! All you underwater jugglers -- freaks, the lot of you!

More Bitches:

NoiseDesign: Ooops, didn't mean to kill the thread.

mustusepowersforgoodmustusepowersforgoodmustusepowersforgood

Sean K: Nice one, ND...

NoiseDesign: I'm a big part of the reason Buffistas can't have nice things.

Moonlit helping out Allyson in Natter:

How to give a cat a pill

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.

4. Take new pill from pack, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse or friend in to help.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, so as to leave the head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the fucking cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.

How to give a dog a pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

In Firefly:

Gleebo: God would be totally crappy as Numfar as well.

tommyrot: God! Do the dance of Omniscient Omnipotence!"

See? Wouldn't work.

Aimée: Sure it would. It looks like the electric slide.

And to continue Katie's COMM:

NoiseDesign: I thought it looked more like The Hustle.

Matt the Bruins fan: Folks. Gotta be the Batusi.

tommyrot: The Hokey Pokey. That's what it's all about.

Aimée: "You put your only son in, you take your only son out, you put your only son in, and you shake him all about....."

From Gleebo in "Firefly"

I still cannot hear back from FOX about my pitch for Bible:The Series as a fall show in 2004. They are the network who didn't learn from the lackluster ratings from Mr Personality and Joe Millionaire 2 and is debuting a show called "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance" right? They have got to take my idea, right?

I mean who else has ever pitched a show with a "from the dawn of all creation to the end of all time" story arc that isn't a Law and Order franchise?

BWAH!!!

Now that I have my Firefly DVDs, I can catch up with the wacky Canadians:

Elena: Snow on the ground!

I love snow.

I just hope it doesn't start raining.

Sue:

I love snow.

You're one of those demented people, eh?

t /snow crumudgeon

Elena: Yes I am.

And most people do like snow - it's the mush and slush and sleet they hate. If it was just beautiful, pristine white snow falling in huge flakes and forming soft drifts, and you didn't have to shovel, wouldn't you love it too?

Sue: No.

Elena: What if I took a handfull and dropped it down your back?

Love it now?

Sue: No.

It's not just the snow, it' s the cold and darkness and lessened mobility that go along with it.

Elena: What if I buried you up to your neck in snow and left you out overnight?

Love it now?

Sue: Back off with snow Elena!!!! Just Back. The. Hell. Away!

Elena: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

ita:

Strider doesn't clean up that well. The kingly hair wasn't happening.

Nutty:

Well, he's just not a Prell guy. Either there's some wicked hard water in Minas Tirith, or else he way overindulged on the conditioner, because that hair was flat and heavy. Well, and it didn't matter anyway, because he is doomed to spend the rest of his life with hat-hair.

Katie in Quotable, out of context.

I feel bad for sex poodle.