Madrigal, in Bitches

Maybe all these health warnings are what's really causing the declining birth rate in first world countries. Women are seeing reports that while pregnant they can't smoke, drink, eat sushi, brie, feta, change the litterbox, etc. and decide - screw procreating, I'm getting a cat.

Trudy asked for it, so here is the original Peruvian Squirrel Pimps story from TT. It's long, because it started out as a fairly serious theological discussion. It's all Suela's fault, really.

Suela:

Let's talk metaphysics. The christian symbol of the cross works on vampires, thus indicating (to me at least) some support for christian theology. Then again, we have the statement that Glory is a deity, and lots of references to other deities. What's the deal? Is Glory a holdover from the days when demons ruled the world? Is she an exile from another dimension where there isn't one single deity in charge? Or is my premise flawed, and is the crucifix's efficacy against the undead meaningless in metaphysical terms? As my 10th-grade English teacher used to say, explicate. You have 20 minutes. <trots off, hoping to be enlightened by the many wise minds here among the Buffistas>

Betsy:

My theory is that lots of things that Buffyverse humans think of as gods are really just oomphy demons. (Cf. Angel's recent exasperated comments about Yeska.) So Glory is powerful enough to scare the Watchers' Council, powerful enough to beat up Buffy, but not necessarily one of the PTB. There's got to be some sort of supernatural hierarchy in the Jossiverse: you can pray to demons who can grant favors (see: Yeska, and the snake thing in Season 1 of Buffy), but the real clout is higher up the ambrosia chain. Note how the GGG "shuts up when the big boys plan to speak."

Trudy Booth

Well Suela, there are indications in the Old Testament (or the whole Bible depending on your POV naturally) of the one-God talking about being bigger and better than the other-guy's gods. The commandment is "you shall have no other god before me" not "Hey dudes, I'm the only God there is"... This whole notion of "did God kick the other gods out of town or was he the be-all and end-all from the beginning" is a pretty hotly debated topic in some Christian theological circles.

Betsy:

I think mainstream Christian theology is that there aren't any other Gods; people who think otherwise are deluded. By contrast, the OT theology was that there were other gods, but that the Chosen People were to have no truck with them.

Emily S.:

I think the whole idea with the crucifix is that it works. "But why does--" It just works. "But if a cross--" Shut up. It just works. "Does that--" No. Shut it. The cross works, churches exist, but we're not about to take on the larger implications because we don't want to be burned at the stake. That's my perception, anyway.

sarameg:

You could always just posit (for the cross thing) that somewhere along the line, that particular symbol got embued with anti-vampire germies. A PTB found it convenient to whatever purpose it was trying to accomplish. I'd imagine crosses didn't do a damn bit of good for the First Slayer. Uh, pun not intended.

Magdeleine:

Maybe it's the belief in the effect of the cross that is the actual weapon-- both from the human POV and the vamp POV. Much like the selective healing powers-- Spike's eyebrow scar and so forth.

Emily S.:

I think that is the explanation we came up with about crosses, that they'd gotten imbued with belief or something like that. Although I love the Sluggy where Riff fends off a vampire with a star of David.

Trudy Booth:

Of course, time may not be all that linear to the PTB or Yahweh or whomever... crosses could have ALWAYS worked and then after the whole resurrection deal the baddies all slapped their foreheads and said "so THAT'S the deal with crosses!"

Magdeleine:

This amuses me like nobody's business. It's the world as God's soap opera! "So THAT'S why they-- foreshadowing! It was all foreshadowing! God is a genius! We should really get him to do a pilot for the WB."

Suela:

LOL I'm not challenging the Jossian concept -- I'm just trying to make it all make sense for myself, because I'm a logic-hound. At least Mutant Enemy tries most of the time, unlike some other production companies <cough-1013-cough>.

Nutty Vee:

And as for relative religious symbols, I think they're missing out. Just think! Star of David Throwing Stars! The Muslim sickle as a deadly boomerang! Although. Perhaps insulting to those respective religions. But unbelieveably cool!

Betsy:

Well, we've never seen anybody try a Star of David on a vampire. The problem is, I wouldn't care to be the one field-testing it. Maybe Willow could do it, with Buffy nearby as a backup.

Dana D.:

Welcome, Magdaleine. Another Yes Virgina girl?

Magdeleine:

Yes indeed. If bribed with chocolate-covered Spikey goodness, I could be convinced to tell all sorts of Suela stories. She knows of what I speak.

Suela:

Ack! No! Dana, don't encourage her! <casts wildly about, looking for something to throw, realizes whatever-it-is would bounce off monitor and spill all over the paperwork on the floor of office> Lena: do the words 'Church of <on edit> somethingwhichisn'treligionbutisreallysciencefiction' mean anything to you? You do know that once someone gets on their mailing list they never take them off? Ever? I know this because a good friend of mine used to work for them. So... <glares in a general eastward direction>

Emily S.:

<edit: Scientologists, of course. must post faster>Even better, do you know what happens if you publicly and identifiably say something bad about them? They're more dogged than Jehovah's Witnesses. Um, or vampires. Except, of course, in a totally good way. Yeah. Nobody saying anything bad here.

Phill:

Maybe one could ward off an aggressive vamp with a copy of "Dianetics" or "The Watchtower"?

Peruvian Squirrel Pimps, Part 2:

David S.:

Flashing on the old Bloom County cartoon of the Attack of the Jehovah's Witness Pit Bulls. Dogs with white collars and ties chasing Opus around with vicious salvation.

Gudanov:

Also flashing on Fundamentally Oral Bill.

Phill:

Gud, you sumbitch, I haven't thought about Fundementally Oral Bill in years. Also, you caused me to partially snarf Yoo-Hoo.

Jon B:

Yoo-Hoo: The Cool Whip of chocolate drinks. <edit: not that there's anything wrong with that...>

Phill:

I went to college in a town with a large submarine base. Needless to say there were a lot of hookers (or in the charming accent of the town, "hukahs" or "hoors") and, consequently, there were also pimps. We, as befitting the scions of the idle rich, would take our selves down to the wrong side of the tracks to gawk, stare, and in the great tradition of liberal arts freshmen everywhere, pretentiously analyze the goings on. One of the pimps was the bigest, most pathetic Yoo-Hoo junky I've ever seen.

Jesse:

I love the fact that the point of the story was the Yoo-Hoo, Phill.

Phill:

All things begin and end with Yoo-Hoo. Its 8 vitamins and 5 minerals are the Alpha and the Omega. It is the Light and the Way. But not the strawberry kind, that's just vile pink watery despair.

Magdeleine:

Not to insult any members of any religion, but the door-to-door thing reminds me of a story my ex-ex-boss used to tell, about his college years. The man lived with a hairy, overweight male student from Peru in a double-wide trailer, where they drank beer and dared each other to do the dishes on a weekly basis. One day, my boss-to-be was having some nice vegging time when BOOM, his roommate came flying through the front door. "Quick!" the roommate says. "Grab all the beer bottles you can find and put them all around the room!" With this, the roommate bolts into the back. My boss-to-be was puzzled but willing to go along with it, so he gathered up a few dozen beer bottles and put them in random places around the room. Moments later, the hairy, overweight, Peruvian roommate comes bounding back into the living room, clad only in tiger-skin bikini underwear. He proceeds to strew the place with a year's worth of Playboy issues. My boss, totally nonplussed, asks what the hell is going on. His roommate grabs a bottle of whiskey and shouts, "Don't you know? THE MORMONS ARE COMING!" He then proceeds to dump half the bottle of whiskey on himself before the doorbell rings. At that, he flings open the door, revealing himself in all his splendor to the astonished mild-mannered folk on their doorstep, and cries, "Welcome! We've been WAITING for you!" They fled in terror. I have been waiting for YEARS to use this on door-to-door religious folk of whatever persuasion. Of course, to get the full effect, I'd have to find a hairy, overweight Peruvian roommate...

Jon B:

OK, so would a Yoo-Hoo ward away vampires? The Pimp and the Peruvian stories were both amazing, people!

David S.:

That's the name of my new band: The Pimp and the Peruvians.

Phill:

OK, blatantly off-topic, but this JUST happened to me not five minutes ago and I had to share. I'm sitting at my desk at home, next to a closed window that faces some tress and has my fire escape/hibachi habitat. Just now in an attempt to appear deep, I looked out the window thoughtfully and there, spread-eagle clutching the screen was a dramaticly back-lit squirel. I made a noise like, "Fwahh1" and managed to awaken my two cats (Smokey and William Blake) from there much needed eighteen hours a day of sleep. They looked up, spotted the squirel and both charged the window. They both slammed into the glass causing no damage other than to have the rodent spray my window with terrified squirel urine and run away. The cats are now back asleep and I am left with a cloudy window.

Magdeleine:

I'm imagining Willow brandishing a Yoo-Hoo in lieu of a cross. That rules. "Don't move, or I'll Yoo-Hoo you. Hoo." Xander: "You don't want to get on the wrong end of a Yoo-Hoo. Could be sticky." Shutting up now.

Magdeleine:

Much snorking over here, too. TT is going to get me fired. Egad. "It's the Peruvian Squirrel Pimps! Run away!"

David S.:

Eek! That's stinky stuff. But I'm still chortling at the image of your cats bouncing off the glass.

David S.:

Okay, I take it back - The Peruvian Squirrel Pimps is now my new band.

Spinny:

Lena, what you must do is learn the fine art of the silent snork!

Emily S.:

Silent, hell. I had tears running down my face. I thought the doctor in the next office was going to hear my gasps of laughter through the door (I have very weird and unappealing laughter -- I just pray that nothing funny happens when I'm in public). Phill, with your permission, one day, when I write my novel (the Manual Reader, we all think it should be called), I'm putting this scene in. This and Gudanov's couch flip. You know, if I hang out here long enough, I may not even need to come up with a plot!

Phill:

Since childhood,it has always been my fondest wish that an unexpected foray into small mammal urology could bring joy to others.

The great part is, about five or six individual excerpts from that sequence had previously been COMM'd in their own right.

Teppy --In Bitches:

I asked my mom once if she drank a lot when she was pregnant with me, because she was pregnant with me before the no-alcohol advice was common, so I had no idea.

She said no, because alcohol made her queasy when she was pregnant, and went on to say "You're just fucked up because of how I raised you."

Heh.

Nutty: I mean, he looked and talked like he had the world's biggest hangover, but that's a legitimate response to the 1980s.

Oh, good god. I'd forgotten about much of that. Lena, come back, all is forgiven! ::sigh::

In Natter...

Jesse: OK, so apparently Ewan McGregor is in the movie filming outside my office. I mean, the director is apparently in the hall outside my suite. I have not seen him. WHERE IS HE?!?!?

amych: Jesse! You're leaving for a job interview when a Ewan sighting is at stake? What's wrong with you? Choosing better pay and future happiness, fulfillment, and security over Ewan!

Sometimes, it's like I don't know you at all.

Whyohwhy do I watch Nip/Tuck? It's like a sickness. Everything makes me wince. Well, except the surgery.

In Buffy 4: Grr. Arrgh. we have a discussion on imdb's accuracy concerning details such as performers' age and height statistics.

Sean: IMDb says JM is 5' 11", but doesn't give one for CK.

Plei: Yeah, well, until recently, they also claimed he was 29.

Leigh: Ha. Still, he could pull it off till a year ago, or so.

Plei: Speaking as someone who *is* 29, he could pull off early 30s until late S5/early S6.

S6 was, however, where his age started to pull me out of the story. (The balcony scene in Dead Things? First I'm thinking "Hot, and fucked up." Then some fuckin' little voice in my head says "Duuuuuuuude. He's lookin' his age, and not in the good way," so I say to the voice "shut the fuck up, and let me watch the fucked up sex," but the voice is like "aren't you glad you quit smoking? hey, have some more ice cream, it fills in those lines around your eyes.")

Leigh: Dude, that's just harsh. I hope you got your inner voice blotto and made it watch Queen of the Damned (worst. vampires. ever.) as revenge.