ErikaJ: I have anger sometimes that could send Alanis back to Canada.

Madrigal Costello: You could claim that you're lisping because of dental injury obtained during the physical defense of a client. I think people would like the idea of someone in the legal business willing to take a punch for someone else.

In Music:

StephL: (Nuts. Hec edited to make me look crazy.)

Hec: Editors have the power to make anybody crazy.

note: the last three posts have been by professional editors

Must be COMM'd:

KAT PEREZ: Woo. Y'all and the names have been cracking me up. I needed a good laugh after the longest day in history. All future parents should avoid the following names:

Velveeta (This is my friend's real name, on her birth cerificate)

Precious and Pebbles (Twins in my 3rd grade class)

San T. Claus (High school classmate. Don't know what the T stood for, but really, why?)

Tige Juan (Also high school classmate. First name is pronounced "Ty")

My personal favorite is a kid from my aunt's class. She saw the name on her class list and had to ask the mom how she came up with it. The mom said that they hadn't been able to decide on a name, but when they brought the baby home from the hospital, they discovered that the nice hospital people had done it for them. They really liked the name on the birth certificate, so they kept it. The name: Female. They pronounced it feh-MAH-lay.

-t in Natter, a double-header:

And I am also looking forward to Jake 2.0 and I don't know why. I am weak for nanotechnology, I guess. Just say the word, and I am entranced. Like titanium. I will spend twice as much for anything if it has some titanium on it or in it.

My cats respect my tool-using mammal status because I control the can opener, the doors, the window, and the laser pointer. My dog just thinks I am wicked cool because I let him hang out with me. Both attitudes are pleasant.

Context? We don't need no steenkin context!

deborah grabien, In Bitches 9:

Aimee, I've been married twenty years and he still doesn't do it without a snarled demand.

Somethingsnever chaaaaange...

Hil R: I feel like such a geek. I just had to call my mother because I realized that the only graphing calculator I have here is a TI-82, and I'm going to be taking Complex Analysis this semester and the TI-89, which I do own, would be very helpful. I asked her to send it to me if she found it anywhere, and listed a couple places it might be. She said, "I'm looking for a TI-83, right?" and I said, "No, the TI-89, but I do have an 83 somewhere too, and that would be better than the 82. There's also an 85 that I think might be on the bookshelves downstairs, and I think I had an 86 at some point but I'm not sure where that is." Then there was a long pause, and she asked why I owned five graphing calculators and I couldn't quite answer that.

Theodosia: but we still learned to use slide rules. (They hadn't been invented either when DX went to high school.)

DX Machina: Ahem...

t He pulls the lovingly preserved Faber-Castell slide rule from the desk drawer, and removes it from it's case, gently carressing it's precison-machined components. The left hand holds the rule firmly, while the right eases the slide back and forth in it's groove, moving it gently in and out as complex calculations are performed. As old skills are remembered, the speed at which calculations are performed begins to climb, and the slide moves back and forth more quickly now. The cursor is moving to and fro, as well, surrounding the slide rule, but hiding nothing, completely transparent, disclosing secrets as the series of calculations approaches completion. And then in a dizzying explosion of numbers, logs, sines, and pi, the sequence is done. The hands relax, the slide and the cursor are returned to normal position, and the instrument is slipped back into it's case, and to put safely away for another time.

In Previously:

Matt the Bruins fan: Man, when I think back on it... we had the advent of Dawn's "my pain is deeper than everyone else's" whining and BuffyWhipped!Spike, Joyce's illness, Riley deciding that the season's metaphor should consist of vamp feedings in place of back alley blowjobs, Glory's adventures in bubblebathing, the abandonment of Buffy's inner darkness/Slayer origin storyline, and Xander's relevance pulling a disappearing act all within a relatively short run of episodes. It's as if someone shook the entire WB run of the show and most of the suckitude settled into early Season 5.

helentm: But then in later season six, we've got Xander leaving Anya at the altar, magic!crack, Giles leaving, Riley coming back, and that thing with Spike and Buffy.

Emlah: Hmmm. It's like trying to decide whether a lemon or some sea salt is a better chaser for a glass of razor blades.

OK, so technically, it's Jacqueline in Natter, but...

Emmett: I'm going to be the ring-bearer, which is THE MOST IMPORTANT part in the whole wedding. Because if you don't have the rings, you CAN'T GET MARRIED. Hey, if A. [son of EM's current boyfriend] is in the wedding, he can be the leaf boy! (David and I, caught between "Leaf boy? Whafuck?" and "Oh, yeah, EM will be delighted to have her BF's son in her ex-husband's wedding," make small baffled noises. Emmett audibly rolls his eyes at our stupidity.) The leaf boy. He's like the flower girl, only he throws leaves. You know.