Jess PMoon in Natter, on renaming "French fries" as "Freedom fries":

Doesn't substituting "Freedom" for "French" kind of undermine the point? I mean, everyone still thinks of them as French fries, only now they're being forced to associate "French" with "freedom" in order to remember what to order for lunch. If it's meant as a rebuke, they should have called them "Betrayal fries."

Because somebody has too.

Warning VERY spoilery to the nth degree but quite brilliant!

Matt the Bruins Fan in Angel 2

It didn't practically write itself the way the last one did, but here's my 5-minute recap for "Salvage":

ANGELUS: No fair! I wanted to play with my food before eating.
GUNN: Folks, Angel killed Lilah.
DISCORDY: I'm shocked and grief-striken. No, really.

LORNE: I have an idea—we can use the sanctuary spell to make the hotel a safe zone.
CONNOR: Magic? That trick never works.
LORNE: It worked for my club. Except for that time it got trashed. And again when it was burned down...

FANNISH EVIL CREATURES: Angelus! Omigod, this is sooo cool! Can we get your autograph?
ANGELUS: The only things I hate more than do-gooders are groupies.

LILAH'S GHOST: We coulda had something together.
WESLEY: Out, out, damned spot!
LILAH'S GHOST: No, it isn't Lady Macbeth that sees the ghost. Hey, did you mistranslate all those prophecies because of a reading disability?
MoG: Let's waffle and forget that we were all resolved to kill Angel an hour ago.
CONNOR: Screw you guys! I'm going home.
DISCORDY: Hmmm, should I use logic to rein him in? Nah, better try a melodramatic fainting spell.
GUNN: Now with Angel gone, who can put Junior in his place?
PRISON GUARD: Ladies and gentlemen, introducing... Faith!
AUDIENCE: Hooray!

DEB: Just thought I'd try to stab you in the back with this ornate dagger I carved out of soap. No offense.
FAITH: None taken. Y'know, you guards took your sweet time showing up.
GUARD: We were taken by surprise. Usually we're the ones beating prisoners up.

LILAH'S GHOST: You thought you could redeem me. Too bad, so sad. Remind you of anyone?
WESLEY: On this show? Try everyone. Ah well, time to cut this conversation short.

ANGELUS: Hi, Big Rubber Satan. Think I can goad you into a fight?
BIG RUBBER SATAN: Signs point to yes. Drat, you discovered my weakness—trying to climb stairs with these hooves.
DISCORDY: Snap out of it! I need him to inflict unspeakable horror on the world. Speaking of, let's make out...

LORNE: This rhyming spell sounds familiar. I think the Furies must be moonlighting for Charmed.
CONNOR: It sucks. You all suck.
LORNE: Let's try a game of Clue... say the murder was committed by me in the lobby with a candlestick? Ow! Looks like the spell worked.
RECAPPER: Great, now the magic works like it's supposed to?
WESLEY: Change of plans. We need Angel back alive.

FAITH: Hi Wesley, you look hot. Or maybe that's the three years in prison without any men talking. Anyway, I can't help you—I'm all resolved to pay my debt to society right here.
WESLEY: Angelus is back.
FAITH: Too bad I can't stay. Let's haul ass!
WESLEY'S STUNT DOUBLE: Arrgghh! The pain! The pain!

FAITH: Wait, are you catching me up on what's happened to you guys, or on the last three years of Passions?
WESLEY: Perhaps some gratuitous vampire slaying will clear things up.

WESLEY: Guess who's coming to dinner.
DISCORDY: What's she doing here?
FAITH: Saving your incompetent asses. Here are everyone's marching orders...

MISCELLANEOUS VAMPIRES: There's a new Slayer in town.
ANGELUS: Playtime! Hey, not only do I remember the Beast, I remember how to dial outside this area code.

CONNOR: I'll kill Angelus if I wanna. You can't tell me what to do!
FAITH: One thing I learned in prison? How to make you my bitch.
GUNN: Fred? Fred who?
THE WRITERS: Just what we were thinking!
FAITH: Looks like Angel's expecting me.
WESLEY: You have to respect a villain who takes time to make "Happy Jailbreak" decorations.
FAITH: Guess I'll just stroll into this obvious ambush.
ANGELUS: How considerate. Tell me, have you and Big Rubber Satan been formally introduced?
BIG RUBBER SATAN: Angelus, why have you brought a Slayer to my home?
ANGELUS: You're complaining about Faith showing up? Er, you realize I was being sarcastic when I called you "Honey," right?
BIG RUBBER SATAN: Grrr! Beast smash!
FAITH: How is it that I'm getting my ass kicked, yet my fighting still makes Buffy look geriatric in comparison?
BIG RUBBER SATAN: Slayer, I'm so confident that I feel compelled to belittle you with a long-winded speech while turning my back on Angelus.
ANGELUS: He don't know me vewy well, do he?
FAITH: You stabbed him from behind with a weapon made of bone? Too... many... Freudian quips... can't... choose...

MoG: It's gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiny day.
GUNN: Faith rules!
CONNOR: Faith rules!
AUDIENCE: Faith rules!
DISCORDY: Hmmm, am I disgruntled because I'm evil and my plan has been foiled, or because I'm Cordelia and she's getting all the attention? Oh well, let's see how many viewers we can creep out this week—Angel's gonna be a grandfather!

Zoe - traditionally, the 5-minute recaps, also known as "Anyas", have been linked to in Nillytown. No need to fill up whitespace here.

Jon-- only the first three lines are whitefonted for me. Shouldn't the rest be?

Oh, I bet it's one of those browser issue things where the helpful browser closes tags at the end of a paragraph.

Exactly right Dana. I went through and tried to correct. How does it look now?

It is very white, Jon, thanks!

Neat I went back to add t /font t font color="white"

between every single paragraph to find that some kind person has done it for me, Ta

Madrigal, Natter:

If one friend celebrates her son's birth in an earth-mother ritual that involves covering him with mud and another does so by having a bit of his penis chopped off - I don't really see why the latter should be more preferable or holy.

kat perez, in Natter:

No major problems. Just the typical low-level nastiness that INS deals in every day. The appointment's at 8:30 but you need to get there early because people start lining up early and by 7:00 you'd think they were waiting to actually talk to God with such a long line. Then you finally get in for your 8:30 appointment and don't get called until 10:00. Of course, your interviewer is some snotty person who's not happy with the peanuts he's being paid and drunk on the little smidgen of power he has over people more fucked over than him. And this person doesn't even glance at the papers you've meticulously gathered because THEY DEMANDED THAT YOU BRING THEM. No, he just asks you some stupid ass questions he could have easily asked over the phone. Then you get ushered back out into the waiting area so you can waste more time while you watch the workers walk endlessly back and forth behind the bullet proof glass. And do they really need that when you practically have to strip down just to get into the building? Then they call you again at 11:30 to finally give you the stupid card and piece of paper that they could have given you three hours ago. But wait, there's more! You must stand in more lines and fill out more papers. But not here. Oh, no. Here we only do pointless thing number one. For pointless thing number two you must go to the West Hell Building on Way the Hell Too Far Corner where more tired, cranky, nasty people will wait on you. And they've had all morning to work on that shitty attitude until it's crystallized into that perfect sneer of utter contempt and tone of voice that says "Stupid ass foreigner, get out of my face. Give me your papers and shut the hell up." Then at the West Hell Building, they take your papers, make you wait some more and then give you a letter that they also could have sent you in the mail and tell you "See you in 12 to 14 weeks when more delightful fun will be had by all. And don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out." Time you left home- 5:30 am. Time you returned- 2:00 pm.

And she follows up:

Yeah, well. At least I got to skip work today.

Hello, Mr. Silver Lining. You're looking good. You alone? Mind if I sit down?