Penny B

Not quite on topic, but this discussion reminds me of something a co-worker said to me when I was teaching in Japan: "Here, the vampire is always a foreigner."

Somervillain Buffy-Board game greatest hits, February 2003:

In re "fat pills" (kielbasa wrapped in bacon and smothered in secret sauce):
Ellen: These are really good. Is there only one pan of them?

In re same:
Nutty: You know, when we were Neanderthals and starving, these would have been great!

[n.b. thessaly = committee of Evil; Nutty = Buffy; Victor = Xander]
thessaly: Can we bribe Nutty with Pringles?
Victor: No, but we can bribe Xander.

Victor, upon hearing trash talk spoken about his marital Evil: Um, I love evil.

Ellen: Evil's cranky now.

A real card in the Buffy board game:
Help card: Riley. [...] Discard after use.

In re the Committee of Evil:
thessaly: No, I don't have the minutes of our last turn!

Nutty: She's on a mission from God.
Victor: Oh great, now Buffy thinks she's God.

Cybervixen in Natter:

Alarmingly, I first told my Dad that I was pregnant, and he was HAPPY. Damn, you know your getting old when the handy "I'm pregnant" trick fails to elicit shock and terror, and instead leads the 'rents to warm and fuzzy thoughts. Sigh.

Billytea, who should really just cut out the middleman and start posting here directly:

Echidnas aren't so much for the lekking. They prefer the ho train. Wait. Sorry, let's do this properly: THE HO-O-O-O TRA-A-AIN! (This is actually quite fantastic.) Come mating season, eligible females suddenly find themselves being closely followed by up to eight randy males. They then trail her for up to four weeks, presumably using subtle signals to indicate their relative mate-worthiness ("Do I make you horny, Baby?"), until the female is ready. She then lies flat on the ground and grabs a tree with her front claws ("Brace yerself, Ethel!"). At this point (I love this) the guys start circling the female (and tree), occasionally giving her a prod with their snouts - the reason why assurances of continued interest might be necessary will become apparent - and start digging a trench around her (and her tree).

Once the trench is of a suitable depth, it suddenly dawns on the males that There Can Be Only One. (Not sure why they have to reach this point; maybe digging helps them think. Or count. "Lessee, there's one of her, and... three... four...") Since they've already constructed their Pit of Doom, it's only natural that they then commence a wrestling match. (I like to think they give themselves stage names, like the Prickles of Power and Trench Lord.) One by one, male echidnas get pushed out of the trench; the last one below ground level is the lucky suitor, and clambers out to claim his prize (assuming the female hasn't got bored or wandered off, and the tree's still standing).

And human parents think they have problems explaining sex to their kids.

JessPMoon in Natter:

On a new European impotence med...

Levitra! sounds to me like what JK Rowling would call the anti-impotence spell if HP were being written for a different age group.

Beat me to it.

ita: Okay, but Detroit really does have the largest island urban park in the county.

Aimée: Belle Isle - come for the supposed beauty, stay for the crack.

Nutty: In news unrelated to embarrassing crotches

this resulted in coke on my monitor, for real!

shrift, in Natter:

I was called for jury duty once. My mother had to send the form back saying something along the lines of:

"Dear Mr. State Government,

My daughter will be unable to attend jury duty on Tuesday next as she has come down with a severe case of foreign study. Also, please note that she is currently employed by Mr. Federal Government, and Mr. Federal Government would consider it a hardship were my daughter unable to perform her duties at work as she is one of the few employees at her facility who actually report for her shifts, and none of the senior staff may assume her duties as despite the fact that they were hand-picked by a commissioner of some sort, they all suffer from the unfortunate inability to speak a language other than English and have demonstrated extreme incompetence when attempting to use one of those newfangled computers. Also, please note that the senior staff further require her presence and consider her essential despite the fact that they continually use her for riot control and bomb sweeps, and Mr. Federal Government shall most profusely apologize to Mr. State Government should they inadvertantly blow up or cause to be trampled their tax-paying resident.

Most sincerely,

shrift's mum"

I know it's tacky to COMM yourself, but I'm only using my bit to get to the payoff:

In Natter.

me:

Why is it always the ugly guys who want to be naked? In general, that is.

Billytea:

My theory is that they all want to be naked, but the good-looking ones already get ample opportunity.