The Buffy episode "Seeing Red."

thessaly's recipe for evil (whitefonted cuz Buffy thread):

I've decided the FE looked in the back of 'Betty Crocker':

To Open the Manhole Cover of Hell:

1-1/2 Good-hearted short EveryMan brand schmucks (available via import from Mexico)

If you find your pantry short of short schmucks, you may substitute one of the following for 1/2 a schmuck:

6 young piglets (available at local farmers) or 1 Ho!Yay! EvilTechnoNerd (also available via import) or 1/2 Spike (coming soon to local markets everywhere)

I read too many cookbooks.

Note -- strict browsers like Opera don't let a formatting tag trail past a t /p . What does this gibberish mean to you? That if you open a font tag and close it paragraphs later, we Operatics see everything but the first paragraph. It's probably simpler to quickedit spoiler font every paragraph -- but whichever way you go, make sure every paragraph is formatted individually.

????

Who's in the wrong thread?

I went to edit and somebody (looks itaward) had stompied the power of S all over those paragraphs.

Thessaly En Fuego!

Thessaly: I've decided the FE looked in the back of 'Betty Crocker'

Victor: Oh no! That means the only ones the Slayer can turn to for help are... THE IRON CHEFS!!!

thessaly: Hey, they get all the cool knives. None of that badly-spaced-sigil muck if they were working for the FE! I bet they'd carve Spike into decorative rosettes and place them all around the Unisex Salmon ice cream.

John H. rips a COMMable quote into the alley:

Hmm, can anyone name another narrative where the sexy brooding romantic hero isn't acceptable to the heroine until he's been symbolically castrated? Only this one was full of symbolic-castration gags?

MR ROCHESTER: I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before. (He's sitting on JANE EYRE's bed.)

JANE EYRE: Maybe you were nervous.

MR ROCHESTER: I felt all right when I started. Let's try again. (He tries to lock her in the attic and draws back immediately. He tries again and the same thing happens.) Ow! Oh! Ow! Damn it! (He gets up and kicks the dresser. He starts to pace around the room.)

JANE EYRE: Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every romantic-novel hero?

MR ROCHESTER: Not to me, it doesn't!

JANE EYRE: It's me, isn't it?

MR ROCHESTER: What are you talking about?

JANE EYRE: I--I... You didn't want to lock me in your attic. I just happened to be around.

MR ROCHESTER: Piffle!

JANE EYRE: I know I'm not the kind of girl romantic-novel heroes like to lock in their attics. It's always like, "ooh, you're like a sister to me," or, "oh, you're such a good friend."

MR ROCHESTER: Don't be ridiculous. I'd lock you up in my attic in a heartbeat.

JANE EYRE: Really?

Madrigal in Natter:

Yeah, but cold's got that whole bleakness of entropy and death thing about it. I mean, one of the main necessities for life is heat, and evolution considered the ability to generate it to be a vital achievement. Cold is all about the fear - the dark basement, the vampire, the zombie - heat is about comfort and security - the hug, the fireplace, the coffee. It's why Jack London wrote "To Build a Fire" and not "To Build an Air-Conditioner or its 19th Century Equivalent."

Madrigal in Natter:

Last night, after watching Hobbits slash themselves (somewhere in a fic Merry and Pippin are waxing each other's chests), I got to spend some quality time on the bathroom floor, trying to get the ear medicine in to at least slightly open my "dysfunctional" eustachian tube, all the while listening to the Super Mario Bros. soundtrack, reading a prof's comments on my paper proposal about Skamania Legionella species which accidentally included an essay I wrote for another class on how the films of Dolly Parton could represent a microcosm of American regionalism, with a focus on "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" all the while wondering if there was a way to tell a hairdresser I wanted Faith's haircut in Season 3 of Buffy:the Vampire Slayer without seeming too fangirly. And then there was this sinking feeling that I am just entirely over-geeking this whole geek thing.

Emily, in Natter:

I've got an uncle lives in Texas...

But that's more of a country song than a hitman recommendation.